Brand New Day

[Mike with a dream]

About two years ago, I decided to write a ?Diary of an Alcoholic?. Instead of trying to stop drinking, I was ready to go all out. I guess drinking was still fun then, but it isn?t any more. I?m obese, by medical standards, and I know exactly where my liver and kidneys are located. I?ve managed to do exactly what progressive alcoholics do: alienate friends (either by my drunken actions, or by retreating into my own world), drive my family into giving up on me, and I?ve given up on anything that interferes with my drinking. I still care about the quality of my work, although it must be next on the list.

I?ve begun to hate myself. Immediately after each drinking binge, when I?m still drunk, I pour any remaining alcohol down the kitchen drain. I want to quit. Everything I?ve read about alcoholics is that our brains function differently than normal people. I find that hard to believe, as I feel that it?s an addiction. My addiction took many years, over twenty, to develop into a craving. I?ve started the AA program many times, but it doesn?t work for me. Years ago, I was able to quit for long periods, but now I?m lucky if I quit for two days.

I don?t know if alcoholism is a disease, but I know that I crave it. I hope I have enough self control to stop one more time. I?m going to take Campral, as my doctor will not prescribe Topamax, hence my earlier post asking for input on the drug.

Sorry for the long introduction, but I hope you'll help me through this, and maybe I can help others in the future.

[Cinders]

Brand New Day

Just,

You sound like many of us here.

We will be here whenever you need someone to talk to and help you get through the rough times.

:welcome:

Cindi

[dexterhead]

Brand New Day

Welcome Just: I just arrived also, but have already found so much strength here. One thing: I think you need to change your screen name!! Very small things might make a difference ..

[hart]

Brand New Day

Hey Just! I too think u should change your screen name. U aren't just another drunk. You are a special person who has a drinking problem. So are most of us here. When on Campral I went 34 days AF. As did my hubby. That from being a 12+ beer a day drinker each. So Campral does work for some. I hope you are one of them. :welcome: :l

[Minsk]

Brand New Day

Hang in there....

Heya Just...

Look at it this way - at least you are here (on this site) which says you recognize that you have a problem with this, and that you are trying to do something about it. Hang in there. Take small steps - aim for 2 days alcohol-free (but don't reward yourself!), then three, etc.

We all hear you , and many of us can relate, so remember that you are not alone in this journey!

When you get the urge, come here are read - read previous posts, other's stories, etc.

Good luck, and glad you came here!:welcome:

Oh yes - and change your name (maybe to "not" just....)??

[Mike with a dream]

Brand New Day

"Not" just

You are right. I was down in the dumps when I chose my screen name. But I don't think I can change it, I'll have to start over. Thanks for the encouragement. By the way, I've got a massive headache. I don't remember this from my last attempts at quiting. Is this normal?

[hart]

Brand New Day

Yeah it is. Drinking causes lots of dehydration. Pump the fluids (w/o caffeine) :l

[retteacher]

Brand New Day

I've only been here since April '07. I drank almost every day often blacking out. I haven't had a drink since Oct. 6 & couldn't feel better. Good luck. MWO works if you come every day & commit yourself. Mary

[signature]

Brand New Day

Anyone who has the disclipline to write a book can conquer this disease. Take the meds as you would with any disease. If your doctor won't prescribe what you need to take, see someone else. On this website there is a list of professionals who are on the program. Let's do this together!

[paula]

Brand New Day

Hi Just, I don't really know whether alcoholism is a disease or not. I do believe it's
hereditary and a terrible affliction, I don't believe it can be cured, but I do believe
we can put it into remission, by abstaining. Some people can drink moderately, I
can't. Headaches are normal and will soon go. Like Mary said MWO works, so keep
reading and posting, you are on the road to recovery.
Good luck. Paula.

[salem]

Brand New Day

Need some encouragement

Hi :

I am on my second week of Topamax and feeling weary during the day and sleepless at night. However drinking way less and have lost three pounds. I went to the doc today to talk to him about getting a scrip (I got the original from a nurse practitioner friend who doesn't want to continue doing this--however I was in a crisis.. . ). Boy, am I devastated. I've only seen this guy about three times and he seemed okay. I told him about MWO today and the fact that AA has a 98% failure rate and that I had found MWO through an online link from online AA. I showed him the abstract from Lancet, the program summaries etc. I said that since the 50 mg. seemed to be working and the side effects (particularly the sleeplessness) were kinda nasty, I would like to stay at this dose with 200 of Provigil to keep me awake during the day. I told him that I understood from forums that these side effects tend to go away (could use some affirmation here!). So I thought he was buying it. NO. He would prescribe the Topa for 12 weeks per the Lancet study, but for no longer. No Provigil. He thanked me for providing him with the web address for "No Way Out", caught himself, laughed, and said, "Freudian slip." No kidding.

So I have enough T for maybe 16 weeks--but if I continue to not sleep, clearly this won't work. Has anyone been able to moderately drink using only the herbs and vitamins? By moderate I mean 0 to 7-5 oz. glasses of wine per week.

You know it is hard enough to talk about this stuff without the superiority shit and the circular logic. He knows most alcoholics cannot abstain with or without help. (acccording to the AA study),;he now knows that there are some off label uses for meds that might help people abstain or cut way back ( I figure I have drunk 16 fewer glasses each week! Without any effort!--Now what if I really try to stop? I just might really be able to. Could I maintain without T? Hell if I know. I never could before. And it's too soon to tell this time. But I sure won't be getting any help or T from him.

Time for a new doctor. Or maybe I'll just try to figure out something else. Like drinking. Shit.

Sorry. I'm feeling kind of miserable.

[Mike with a dream]

Brand New Day

Salem,

I'm not sure you meant to post under "Brand New Day". I'm new myself to MWO. You probably wanted to start a new thread, under "Just Starting Out?"

As far as getting Topamax, my doctor wouldn't do it at all. But I'm told that there's a list of MWO -friendly physicians on this site, which I have to research. My doctor, though, was willing to write a script for Campral. I just started taking it, so I don't know how well it will work for me.

Mike

[Mike with a dream]

Brand New Day

I can't find a way to change my screen name. Maybe it was meant to be, so that I'll remember how I felt when I started on this program. I found a local physician on MWO. I hope he'll consider taking me as a patient.

[cuckoosnest83]

Brand New Day

justanother, to change your screen name you can send a private message to Roberta Jewell or you can just create another profile. I think a more upbeat name would be helpful. Something a little more positive and hopeful. Just my opinion. Welcome to the site and good luck. Glad you were able to find a local dr.

[fjones]

Brand New Day

Up until 10 days ago I couldnt get more than 2 days but blew my 10 days last night. I started drinking again four years ago and thought I would share the escalation. I drank in January 2003 twice. I didnt drink again for 12 months. I drank twice in January 2004. I didnt drink again until November 2004. I didnt drink again until March 2005 but since then it went to once a week, to twice a week, with dry periods in between of various periods. In the last 2 months I was drinking every night and drinking all day on a Saturday. I dont know how I have managed to keep my job but I have not been functioning very well this last 2 weeks. Like you I am very down and yesterday was meant to go to the doctors to get anti-depressants but cancelled because I got drunk at a works do. More booze on the way home and today sick as a dog and will have to go through the withdrawals yet one more time. I too hate myself I feel so degraded when I drink. Well back to Day 1. Stick around and keep posting.