Incredible fall from grace.

[Cinders]

I fell of the wagon hard yesterday and ended up in a huge mess. I cannot believe I did that but I did.

First off, I was THROWN off the airplane, I lost my cell phone in the melee and I am stuck in Atlanta until 10:00 this morning.

I logged into MWO last night and started talking suicide in chat. (Yes, I really did want to die and yes, I am stupid, and yes, I am still very down.)

However, I DID NOT MEAN to drag others into this mess and make them worry.

My mental state is deteriorating and I am not sure how to stop it but I do want everyone here to know that I feel very badly about last night. I truly did not mean to drag others into this mess and my cry for help was selfish and stupid.

I also do not know why I drank last night, except it was an incredibly dumb thing to do.

Anyway, I apologize to all that I dragged others into my mess.

Cindi

[Guest]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi,
Am so sorry this has happened. You`ve done so well..........you`ll be O.K........get yourself home to your loving family and feel their love. You need to take care of cindi now.

I love you.

Starlight Impress x

[Suzanna]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi, you and me both. For some stupid reason I bought vodka and drank too much last night, I can only hope my posts are not incredibly stupid. I feel like crap today, and am afraid I did something stupid here at home. You did not fall from grace! You are so very strong and you know we love you no matter what. Can you get home? :l

[paula]

Incredible fall from grace.

Oh Cindi,
I'm so sorry, please don't beat yourself up, we have all done so many things
we regret, you are such a caring kind person, who is caught up in this terrible
affliction. I will be praying for you to get well, which you can do.
Bless you, love Paula. xx

[paula]

Incredible fall from grace.

Suzzana, I haven't read your post's, but if we can't show how we feel on this
site, where can we ?. Don't worry try and start again. Wishing you well.
Love Paula.x

[Beaches]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi, I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. You are not stupid and we all have fallen hard from drinking, that's why we are here.

I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and sending you hugs.

[betty boop]

Incredible fall from grace.

:l Cindi love, You have done so well recently so big hugs to you ............

Please please please don't beat yourself up, you can't change yesterday but you can change the future .........

If you feel so down is there any chance that you can get professional help??

I care about you an awful lot and wish that I could do more to help .....

Give yourself a mental hug from me ........:l :l

Love BB xx

[cuckoosnest83]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi, I too am so sorry you are hurting. Please don't beat yourself up over this as we all face this struggle on a daily basis. You have tried so hard to beat this addiction and I know in the long run you will succeed. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

love you,
Cuckoo

[Suki411]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi, huge hugs to you. You are so strong, a day like yesterday could bring down anyone. Do not, under any circumstances, beat yourself up. I've learned that from listening to you and many others here. Negative thoughts have no place in any of our lives.

I've said this so many times on this site, but my fabulous grandmother (with quite a past!) used to say.....never regret what you have done, only regret what you have not done.

Get back home with your family, grandkids and all and get back to doing what you have done so well, taking care of Cindi.

We are all behind you, sending our love and hugs.

Suki

[memarcie]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi,
I'm so sorry about yesterday. Betty is right, you can't change yesterday, you can only change the future. Stay strong girl, I know you can do it.

:l

[Mags]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi

I talked to you on the phone this morning. You know how much I love you. I'll say it again - relapse is part of recovery. Take this as one more learning step on your journey. You will make it. Love yourself as much as we all love you.

[Finding My Self]

Incredible fall from grace.

Oh CIndi, love.....I am soooo sorry. But you're still the beautiful lady you always are to me....and I am quite sure to your family....who you need to be with....I hope you are getting home OK.

Far from me to know anything, but I have noticed how this often happens when you are 'forced' to be away from your hubby and grandkids and others for too long and at stressful times....you're really, really important; can 2008 see a more 'Cindi-friendly' job?

Whatever, know that I still care for you very much...you still have beautiful angel wings to me....go fly lady!! (I know you don't like flying but angel wings of your own are really fun!!)

Happy Crimbo, Cindi......HUGS

FMSxx

[jane jane]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi Lou Who, bless your pea-pickin' heart. I bet you feel like holy Hell. You set your standard high after rehab, and feel you let yourself down. Well, maybe you did, but it ain't over 'til it's over. And how honest and brave of you to share your fall. Use that good ol' Southern sense of humor, shrug it off, kick yourself one more time, and return to the battle.

"Battle." I think that's why we keep lapsing...who wants to live in "battle" mode all the time? We want a furlough every now and then, to relax, ease the vigilance...and the minute we relax, BOOM here comes that ice-cold glass, and away we go.

You have friends here who won't let you go, no matter what. So don't you dare do nothin' foolish like SUICIDE, girlfriend! Perish that thought. Life can be Hell, but...who knows what's on the other side? I'd sure be a-skeert to find out!

Love,

[lucky 2.0]

Incredible fall from grace.

Big hugs to db! Leave the events of yesterday where they belong, in yesterday! It is a new day. I hope it treats you well and you can get some rest and some peace. You know we love you.

xoxo

[fjones]

Incredible fall from grace.

Cindi, I fell off the wagom as well yesterday. Drank at a business lunch even though I planned not to - just couldn't not pour it in - missed a doctor's appointment and then bought 2 bottles on the way home. Drank one, passed out, woke up drank a glass from the second, passed out. I have been in bed all day I feel so ill. I threw the rest of the bottle donw the sink. The shakes are just starting so it will be a rough night. I had 10 days the longest time for over two months. I've been on a four year relapse from 19 years of not drinking and just do not understand why I relapsed and still keep messing with it.

I do hope you feel better and got home safe. Just don't drink today and the time will come back to you.