On turning things around

[pinkpeppercorns]

I have said to people (and to myself) that I drink because I hate myself--for my failures and shortcomings and inability to deal with them. (I went through a back-to-back series of bad events at school and then two jobs.) After two years of trying to scrape myself off the floor, brush myself off and try again, I still was a heap of a mess on the floor. That's when I took up drinking.) Anyway, drinking makes it so I don't care that I am still a total wreck.

Given the number of times I have started and stopped drinking, it seems I really DO hate myself! I get through two, three, four days of withdrawal hell, then start all over again. Stop, start, stop, start, stop, start. I just don't know how to go about dealing with ME (and my wreckage) once I'm sober. Does that make sense?

I didn't buy myself a bottle to have for this morning. Here it is not even 7 a.m., and I'm already suffering the sweats and shakes. How sad is that. Ooof.

[retteacher]

On turning things around

The drinking prevented me from doing anything about my real problems. Now that I've stopped drinking, my problems are slowly getting solved. I know that life will never be wo/some struggle, but the drinking only made it worse. Mary

[shelbysmiles]

On turning things around

It makes perfect sense. I also drank because it was difficult to deal with myself. You are doing good not drinking this morning. Once you get a clear head you will begin to forgive yourself.

Olivia

[Reenie]

On turning things around

Pinkpeppercorns and reteacher: I can relate. I used to bury my misery in my drinking. As we all know, that doesn't help any. It only makes matters worse. No matter how difficult life's situations can be, you have to plow through them. I quit drinking 6 months ago. One of the things that helped me was knowing: "Drinking is eventually going to kill me. If I'm going to die anyway, then I might as well go through the hell of trying to help myself and living life on life's terms despite my anxiety and heart palpatations. If I'm going to die, I might as well die trying to help myself". I hope I'm making some sense. Meanwhile, the more you go AF, the more you handle life's problems, the better life really becomes. You become empowered and look forward to what life throws your way. I woke up today worried about having to get a job. I lost my job 5 months ago. My unemployment is just about to run out. I have always held professional sales jobs. I have been burnt way too many times. I am actually scared to re-enter the work force. I know today, I have to get on on the Internet and start sending my resume out. It's a task I don't feel like doing. Nor do I want a professional career. I can't handle the stress of sales quotas. I want to work at something simple. What that is, I don't know. I'm also used to making a decent salary. Knowing that my simple job, whatever that may be, won't pay much, that scares me too. Anyway, I will muster up the strength, be strong and get back out there and start interviewing again. Thank God for my sobriety. Aside from a great husband and family, that's the only thing I have going for me. Thanks for reading. I just went on a tangent. -Reenie

[Mattje]

On turning things around

Hi pinkpeppercorns,
Hope you're feeling better. You make a good point about hiding from problems. I, too, get overwhelmed with things and drinking did make it easier to forget and pretend the problems weren't there. They tend to just compound over time, though, and not just magically disappear.
The only solution is to tackle them one at a time, slowly and methodically. Oh how painful it is, sometimes--but occasionally it's so much easier than you think it'll be. Most of the time, the worry was much worse than the problem itself. I'd made mountains out of molehills.
Have a lovely day.

[betty boop]

On turning things around

Pinkpeppercorns, :l big hugs ........

This time last year I was awake with panic attacks, sweating, shakes etc because I wanted a drink!!!! I got through it, find something to pass the time, I cleaned a lot, ironed while watching a funny film.....

I've even been known to dance to the radio like a madwomam!!!!! Believe me the satisfaction that you get at the end of a sober day is really worth it ..........

Love & HUgs, BB xx

[Minsk]

On turning things around

Pink...

Hey - we have ALL been there and share your pain (the shakes, heart throbbings, sweats and all), however you have the guts to recognize you fell, and you have to get up again. Drink lots and lots of water, keep reading previous posts, and keep trying. You are on the right path, and this is a start :h

Minsk

[Finding My Self]

On turning things around

Hi Pink - I so remember the feeling. (I typed it out so I would never forget it actually - if I ever want to go there again i can read it....in all its graphic detail put there for just that purpose!)

I know how hard it is to plough through the 'reasons'...but many have gone and that's just fab. The drink was 'holding them there' in a way. But I still have some and one is big in fromt of me today (thread in General) but I will hang in there knowing that I can somehow handle it.

Reenie - I hope you're feeling better. Yes, the ploughing through is just what I am thinknig about today...thanks for your tangent! We'll plough through together!?

Keep going Pink; it does seem all more manageable without the b*****jitters! Don't go there again!

Love FMS xx