I need advice

[sandra dee]

I need some advice. I am very familiar with this program, but need to share. I have a drinking problem. I drink every day. It has been an issue for a very long time. My family is aware. My husband doesn't drink, and is so very frustrated with my drinking. He goes from being supportive to angry.

Last night, he found a hidden bottle of wine. He got very mad. He pushed me againt a piece of furnature. My back hurts so badly this morning that I had to cancel work. He has pushed me on a couple of occasions out of frustration. I would not call him an abusive husband, but this is bad. I am not sure how injured I am , but I can barely move today.

I think it is my fault. I have just frustrated him so much that he snapped. I am not stupid, and would not stay in an abusive relationship. We have been married for many years, and this has only happened a couple of times. Never have I gotten hurt before.

Advice?

[betty boop]

I need advice

Sandra Dee HI and :welcome: to MWO .....

I can understand after drinking everyday myself for many years, I was caught hiding stuff as well .......

I can't condone your husband pushing you, but some good advice that I give you is you cant make any decisions about your marriage until your head is clear from the booze ....

You will get all of the support that you need here .......

All the best on your journey, BB xx

[ducky]

I need advice

Sandra,

I wanted to reply to keep your thread up there so someone could help. I am sure you will get lots of opinions, and they will vary quite a bit. It sounds like your hubbie is rightly frustrated, but you know that pushing/hitting is never okay. I think some counseling might be needed? It sounds like you need help with the drinking and he needs help handling his anger about it?

I hope you are okay.

[Eastender]

I need advice

Sandra,
I am concerned for your pain,It is so easy to injure your back, I did mine some 6 years ago and it was very slow to heal.
If it is no better please call a Doctor to look at it, I also agree that it is never OK to push or Hit anyone and I too hope someone can offer some advice on that.

Eastx

[Suzanna]

I need advice

Hi Sandra Dee,

I don't know how you feel about your drinking, whether you want to quit or moderate. Or maybe you feel you can't or don't want to abstain? You didn't say. I don't think there is ever a reason to push a spouse. But you have cut him some slack because he is frustrated over not being able to change your drinking. So I wouldn't condemn him either. Maybe he needs to go to al-anon to get a better understanding of what it is like to live with a drinking person, how not to enable and other coping strategies. He can talk to people who understand, like you can talk to us here because we do understand what it is like to drink daily. I drink wine and have every day for the last 12 years, with few breaks in there, but now I am on day 4 AF, going for 30 days. Keep posting, best, Suz

[southernbelle47]

I need advice

SD...you said that you are familiar with this program. Are you working it and making some progress..at all?

Also I think it is very hard for someone who does not drink at all to understand. My hubby drinks but can stop.. Perhaps some education for yours would be helpful...and if this is not working for you, then keep looking or adding until you find something that does. Your life depends on it and so does your marriage.

Go get your back checked out and ask for doc's help while there on meds to help stop.

:l Nancy

[trixietrack]

I need advice

hi and welcome. please take advantage of this site there is a lot of support and knowledge here.
the book is probably a good start, since you ar familiar with MWO you might have it already.
In regards to your husband pushing you is not appropriate , it isn't going to help you quit or slow down.
If you are hiding bottle you definitely need to change your drinking habits.
Did your hubby use to drink?
please stick around.

Trix

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

I need advice

Sandra-

First, I hope you are okay. I'm not condoning your husband's behavior. If you love your husband (and if your ashamed of your behavior), you MIGHT venture out to the doctor, but then LIE about what happened. After all, you said it's "your fault", right??? No, Sandra, it's NOT your fault. Your husband must be accountable for his own actions.... it doesn't matter whether you were drunk or not. He let his emotions control him and he pushed you......... you can be totally wasted and evil-mean, but it's his choice how to react. His choice to stand by you. To support you. To leave you. Or to push you. His choice. And a scary thought- this was only a little push or a shove..... what's next, a little love tap?

Sandra, it's your choice, too. It's your choice to drink. You admit you have a long term problem, and that your family even knows, but everyone is waiting for SOMEONE to do something. Well, WHO in the *&%$ is supposed to help you??? You.

Okay, you are probably not in the right frame of mind to make any life changing decisions.... but there are a couple of things you can do today. Take a couple of Motrin. If you choose not to go to the doctor, put some ice on your back. Cry. Go look in the mirror and take a good look. Bawl your HEART out. Mourn for the old Sandy. Is this your rock bottom? And when you are done crying, wipe your eyes. ~Forgive yourself~ just as you would forgive your sister or your best friend. Give yourself a hug.:huggy

Ask yourself (because you know, deep in your heart), "will my husband do this again tonight?" Do you think he's at work right now, happy as can be, because he shoved you, and finally put you in your place? If you think he'll do it again, then you need to pack a bag and go stay somewhere else. On the other hand, do you think he feels as emotionally broken apart as you? Do you think he's horrified at his own actions? Does your husband want his Sandy back??? Do you remember her? Do you want her back, and if so, can you find the strength to find her?

Writing things down really helps me.... if it helps you, write it down. Apologize and forgive yourself.... and then, find the courage to figure out what YOU need to do next. Do you need to get good and mad at yourself??? Great!!! Hobble around your home, to all of your secret hiding spots, and collect every flipping bottle of addiction that's calling your name. Be mad enough to empty them ALL into the sink. And with every bottle, scream, at the top of your lungs, "ADIOS, MOTHER *UCKER!!!!":l

This is a PHYSICAL condition, and you can't just snap your fingers and make it go away. BUT SANDRA, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FEED IT. FIGHT IT!! DON'T CRAWL BACK INTO THAT BOTTLE!!!

Google "alcohol and woman" and you'll find 4.2 MILLION hits. You are NOT alone, dear. You are here with us, and if you want us to, we can support you....

Much love,
Patty

[universal]

I need advice

Wow Patty.................thank you cause what you wrote just helped me............

[jaxbungee]

I need advice

Drinking problem

Sandra,

You've admit you have a drinking problem. That's supposed to be a good start, I hear. And it's causing trouble in your marriage, your husband doesn't drink. The way I read your post, you have an almost optimal situation to go AF, dump all your booze, and lean on him when you feel weak.

(Goodness knows, if there's any alcohol in my house, I'm going to find it - so I'm trying hard to keep it out of here).

I'm probably being simplistic, but (from reading the guy's only thread) I think I might be gender-impaired. . .

(Oh, yea, one of my step-mothers - I think it was #4, in a reverse situation, actually had my dad hospitallized for a month to get him to quit)

[nancy]

I need advice

Hi Sandra Dee

Do you need advice about the alcohol part or mainly what to do about your husband?
I admit I don't know how to judge your husband's behavior. I think you could get a professional counselor to make some judgements.

The last person who posted is probably right, that you could enlist him to help you. Involve him in your efforts. Sit down and have a real conversation about it.

CAn you please list what things you have tried (MWO or otherwise) so far, what worked and what didn't work?

sorry I can't be of more help as I have had little experience in this area!

[bootcampbarbie]

I need advice

sandra, can't really add much to what all have said and patty nailed it. home run girl. home run. so sandra, starts with you... i have found working rjs program in its entirety is the first step. first step and stay with it.
hubby and asking him to give you 90 days on this program with no flack. if you do the program than your desired results will show up. but you must be a full on partner in the program rjs designed.
as far as pushing, shoving, hitting etc. well separate issue. once, i remember my very normal hubby getting so frustrated that he broke his own fingers when hitting the wall and then throwing over my most favorite treasures out over the deck and feeling so bad about it. that the next day he was trying desperately to reclaim them. but sad enough even tiffany fine crystal shatters when thrown over the railing.
so i can't comment on that issue because i don't know what you are dealing with and there isn't enough information to make any good call to me. again, liking pattie's comments.
frustration, anger and alcohol are not good team mates. report in love bootsie