new. confused

[hotpot]

hi ALL

i'm totally pouring my heart out here because i feel like i cant do it anywhere else. it makes me feel better to get it all out.
i am drunk as i write this, i am upste because my boyfriend who i love so much has gone to bed angry with me again as a result of my drubken ranting (again).
i do not want to carry on wiht this behaviour as it upsets me
i want a family, a life and a career i hate the way drink ruins what could be a fantastic relationship just because i cant stop drinking i would still drink a glass of wine now in fact i really wish i hadone.
thanks for reading
i dont wan tto do this anymore. reccently my friend brought upo the idea of going to the cineamea. my first thouhgt was that i cant have a drink there. i dont loike this side of me

[Eastender]

new. confused

Hi Hotpot,
Reading your post reminds me a lot of myself when I have had "one over the eight" as my Mum would say. Little did she know it took more than that! Or did she?.......
I have a family (now all grown) and a career and a lovely husband who when my glass was empty would complain but go buy more for me when I ran out.
He would also go to bed when I ranted, He could not understand how I had "hollow boots "when it came to drinking, I am so lucky that he has put up with me for so long.
I do feel such guilt and sorrow for all the hurtful things I have said over the years, some of which I do not remember, but saw it on the sadness in his face, that was the worst.
Since finding MWO in October I have managed 56 days AFin total, something I would have not thought possible only 3 months ago.
So stick here with these wonderful people, keep posting and reading and I am sure you will get to where you want to be. It has not been overnight for me but my mindset is slowly changing.
I wish you luck, take care and look after yourself.

Eastx

[universal]

new. confused

Hotpot - many times I woke up knowing I had a fight with my boyfriend but not remembering why or what it was about........apparently new years eve I went to bed and told him he was a prick......don't remember....don't know why.....

You are not alone.......

[Determinatrix]

new. confused

hotpot,
Welcome!
There is so much to read and learn here and an amazing support group.
Come sit down and get comfortable!
Dx

[UP,UP AND AWAY!]

new. confused

New Kid In Town

Hi there folks,
I am very happy to have come across this site. It breaks my heart to read some of the threads but also many make me laugh out loud :H as I can relate to them so well.
I started drinking at 13 and somewhere along the line lost the ability to know when I had had enough to drink, always the last person standing at the party...still with beer
( whatever was avail ) in hand. I have been very aware of my drinking issues from about 17 yrs old and have tried everything to moderate but alas my mind is set..after 3 drinks the chemistry in my brain switches to a beer hungry greed beast. I've done the AA thing ( 9 months of sobriety ). I Became a perfectionist during that time not giving myself a break, taking WAY too much on.

Well , I could write a thesis about " the bane of my existence " so I will stop here for now.

It is comforting to know that I wasn't the only one that would say the night after a big one " I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN" and in your heart really really mean it. While your mates just laughed it off.

So Hi again, thanks for having me....I hope to draw from and give some inspiration to this wonderful site! :h