Desperate to Change

[GottaChange]

Hi All,

I have lurked for a while but have decided that I have to change. I am done being a drunk and all of the issues that come with it. I have quit tons of times only to have the sick feelings fade after a few days only to think I was "ok" again to drink.

This weekend was terrible. Had two beers with no intention of going anywhere. Husband then said we were invited to neighbors. They are huge drinkers, but like everyone else around me, can handle it so much better. Four of us headed to the local pub afterwards and kept drinking. Hubby left and I stayed with two neighbors. Upon walking home, I think I kissed one. I think it was just innocent flirtations and I have NO intentions of doing anything, but I am mortified. I barely remember any of it, but am just sick.

He is one of hubby's golf buddies. Does he remember? Did the other neighbor see? Who knows about it? Should I say something to him? I just want to crawl under a rock and die.

I have never done anything like this before and am just sick at the thought jeopordizing my marriage and all of our friendships. At this point I am scared sober.

-GottaChange

[Cinders]

Desperate to Change

Gotta,

:welcome:

All of us have done horribly embarrassing things while drunk.

I am sorry this happened to you and that you are afraid.

However, we will all be here to help you if you truly do want to sober up.

Glad you are here.

Cindi

[Skye650]

Desperate to Change

Dont beat yourself up, at least you have come to the conclusion that something needs to be done, you've taken that first step, just let it be with the neighbour they were also under the influence.. concentrate on you and where it is that you want to go!!! You are heading in the right direction, keep going......

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Desperate to Change

Gotta Change~ welcome. We are glad you are here. The good news: you aren't alone in your embarrassment~ you're story might be different than ours, but we all have them.

On the bright side, an inappropriate kiss was your wake up call. Some people have done much MORE while drinking, and rather than feel guilty or horrified, they just play it off as if it didn't count, "because I was drinking and I don't remember".

You know your husband best. Everyone's different when it comes to handling issues like these. If you feel that YOU need to tell your husband, then you should do it soon. Here is a subtle way to fess up, without getting too dramatic. Tell him that you've decided to stop drinking for a while, and he'll likely ask you why. Tell him that you don't remember much after he left the bar, and that the rest of the night is really a fog. You remember getting to the bar, and you remember when he left, but not much after that. (You aren't really sure what happened with the golf buddy, so don't mention it. ) Tell him what is true: you don't like the feeling of NOT being in control of your body, and that feeling scares you.

That's a version of the truth that you can tell. Later, you can approach your husband's friend with a soft apology.... something like, "I don't remember much about Saturday night, but I think I was out of line on the way home. I really want to say I'm sorry." Then, leave it at that.

I love your name: GOTTA CHANGE. You aren't looking for excuses, and you aren't trying to create justifications as to what happened. You don't want to jeopardize your marriage, and you realize that he is more important that alcohol.

[hamlet]

Desperate to Change

hi Gotta Change,

Agree with all of the above, but try and think about why you drink, are there circumstances you should avoid such as the last visitation to the pub? Why did your husband leave without you, did he ask you to come with him, what condition were you in then, and for that matter what condition was he in?

You are in the right place, you are showing that you see a problem in your behaviour, a problem to you I mean, and you have determined to do something about it - great for you, well done! In many ways it is hard to come back with a history that suggests that you could pour in effort to stop, as you have in the past, but for all to come to naught, nevertheless you have to think of the one and only alternative.

I don't know how you have tried to stop in the past but I do think that what is being offered here is a great new way forward, but, as with all changes it is going to require effort on your part.

Start by stopping, I don't know about anyone else, but that is the hardest step for me. Stay on this site, look at what others are overcoming and how, contribute actively and know you have all the support in the world from the others on this site you are on the road you want to travel

When I find it hard I try and remember I am doing this for me, the end result, rather than I am doing this to me, the way I feel in the here and now depriving myself of the Al my body screams for.

This will be my third AF day, this time around, I joined the gym yesterday and worked out, try and find other activities to fill some of the void you are likely to feel at the start and look at all that productive you will have on your hands once you are no longer engaged in this on a full time basis.

Be strong, make a start and stay in touch.

M

[GottaChange]

Desperate to Change

Thanks so much for the input. I really feel alone right now, but also empowered. What happened was bad, but not life changing horrible. I know so much worse could have happened, but I need to look at this for what it is.

I can't control myself when I am drinking and I just need to accept it. A lot of people can, but I can't. I mean I would never even have the courage or desire to approach another man if I was sober. I am so much happier and healthier when I am not drinking so this has got to be my lot in life.

I remember being so panicked other times I have quit drinking thinking that "Oh God, I can NEVER have another drink!" This time I am thinking "Thank goodness, I will never have another drunken moment to sulk and be sick over for days."

GC

[plumeria45]

Desperate to Change

9 day AF and feeling great

Maybe this is your rock bottom, not liking were you are headed, and will give you the courage to stop and make the best decision you have made in a long time.

I have been AF 9 days now, if you don't drink everyday you do start to convince yourself you can be moderate when you start feeling better,( binger denial) that is why I think it takes bingers longer to detox because we don't drink everyday, we need to go through the whole week and get through that (I feel better I can drink now phase)

Look at your typical week when do you drink , make a plan, I told my husband don't buy me any wine I am on the wagon, I bought lots of club soda, you can mix it with juice, it is very good, and have started drinking tea again, I bought all the herbs mentioned here, and they have helped,

last Friday when I usually get my big bottle of wine ( other nights I use to also) I didn't even stop at the store I told myself just go home and read posts on this site. I got through the worst day and now it is not so hard.

But I want to stay AF maybe forever maybe not; I am not going to worry about that right now. Each day at a time. I hope my story helps, I feel so good right now waking up without a hangover and with a good conscience. It has been so wonderful and I am so proud of myself, I really feel like the real me is coming back and I like her

Plumeria

[Mattje]

Desperate to Change

Hi Gottachange,

It's all about changing your outlook and routine, and if you're here, you can do it. I struggle with it, like we all do.

You think you kissed one? I know that cringing feeling all too well--and when I have been out with friends and deciding whether to have another drink or have water or tea--I usually think of my cringe moments. I don't want to repeat horrible, avoidable behavior, so I have tea.

Take care,
Mattje

[GottaChange]

Desperate to Change

Thanks for all the support.

Well it seems as things have blown over for now. The second neighbor met my husband at the pub where he plays cards and didn't say anything. He must not have seen.

Though, I can't let this deter me. Just because I have gotten out of another embarrassing moment cannot allow me to go back. I am so determined to do this. It has been three days and I am doing fine. It has been so great waking up the last three mornings refreshed and full of energy.

I have decided to take someone's advice to change my life routine as well. I am looking for morning events for my youngest(can't go hungover t0 gym class). I am going to check into a local pottery and paint shop to see about going one night a week. I am also going to switch going to the gym at night instead of during the afternoon. Nothing like a good work out in the afternoon to give you an excuse to be bad at night.


This is going to be tough but I am ready to begin my new life as a non-drinker not just an abstainer. I know I am new here, but so old to this situation. I look forward to getting and providing support to others.

-gc

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Desperate to Change

plumeria45;251346 wrote:
But I want to stay AF maybe forever maybe not; I am not going to worry about that right now. Each day at a time. I hope my story helps, I feel so good right now waking up without a hangover and with a good conscience. It has been so wonderful and I am so proud of myself, I really feel like the real me is coming back and I like her Plumeria

Plumeria, this is a truly awesome affirmation! I'm adding it to my list.

THANK YOU for making my night!!!! :h :h