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    fell off!

    hey out there,tonight i reached out to friends and family,very different than i expected. why do people see your problem,but give you know support when in recovery. iwas so upset that i fell.i know AL is a safety net that's not really there,my parents have once again turn'd ther back on me. i am not a poster child for anything,but iam alway's there when they need me,and then some.why can't i have that back? any answers,please. i'm deperate. thanks

    #2
    fell off!

    Hey Super,

    Sorry you are not getting support. You will find a lot here. I guess it's hard for those who are close to us for various reasons. Does your trying to quit/moderate make them uncomfortable?

    In any event, keep reading and posting. The backs here will not be turned.

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      #3
      fell off!

      Just get back on track. The fam might not think you are serious, but we are here to support you. Just being here is telling you that you want to change. We are all in the same boat.
      WF

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        #4
        fell off!

        Super: Yeesh .. friends and family can be tough!! SO many people don't understand . That is exactly why I am here and hardly a single person in my (physical) life knows about this. We are here for you Super!!!!
        :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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          #5
          fell off!

          Super,
          We will be your support system. Families can be tough, that is for sure! After so many failed attempts, my family's response was usually a "tsk, tsk, tsk" when I told them I was going to stop drinking. This time however, I find my support here at this site and instead of voicing to them what I am doing, I have decided to just show them by my actions. Things have changed, though I still sometimes see that "wonder if shes gonna drink tonight" look in their eyes. I am committed, but know all too well how manipulating "al" can be, so I just go one day at a time (didn't find success with AA, just think its a good mantra).

          Anyway, we are here for you Super. You can PM me if you think that would help...
          Dexter, I love that cat icon you have, always makes me smile!!

          hugs,
          bunnie

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            #6
            fell off!

            Hey Superwoman.... we all try to be that, don't we? At least for me, I put the pressure on myself to be the super-mom, super-wife, super-worker, super-sister, super friend..... well, when am I going to be Super just for ME????

            Plumeria tickled my heart tonight, when she wrote on another thread,

            "But I want to stay AF maybe forever maybe not; I am not going to worry about that right now. Each day at a time. I hope my story helps, I feel so good right now waking up without a hangover and with a good conscience. It has been so wonderful and I am so proud of myself, I really feel like the real me is coming back and I like her."


            That's my new goal... to welcome the OLD me back into my NEW life. I wonder about my friends, too. I haven't told alot of people that I've stopped drinking, but I told one of my best friends/co-workers.... we work in different states, but we'll both be at headquarters next week~ which means, staying in a hotel, being on an expense report, and normally, drinking at night. Well, when I told him that I've "stopped drinking for a while".... his immediate response was, "That is unacceptable. You're allowed to not drink when you're at home, but drinking is part of this job
            "....

            Now, we've been friends for 8 years- he's like my older brother. I told him that I hadn't had a drink since Thanksgiving, and rather than say something like, "good for you"
            , he says, "well, you're gonna have a drink next Monday, sister!".... and Super, this is my FRIEND. I got ticked, and said something like, "look bud, you can kiss my a$$ when I turn 45. But for the next two years, I gotta lay off the booze or I'll be dead by then". At that point, he realized I was serious, and back-pedaled.... apologized and said that was cool.... and on the positive side, at least I could be the designated driver!

            I really had to stick to my guns and get a little crass, which truthfully, surprised me. I thought that of ALL people, he'd understand that if I said I wasn't going to drink, he'd support be....and this is from someone that's a true friend, you know? Maybe he reacted as he did because if I was admitting that I had a problem, he might need to look into the mirror, too????:wow:

            Anyway, we can't control our friends and families reactions.... like Plumeria so eloquently said, be proud of yourself.
            Look in the mirror, and smile at what you see. :l

            Patty
            Tampa, FL

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              #7
              fell off!

              super first of all I just want to say I understand - we most of all want our family to love and understand us and when they dont we (i guess i should say me) get disappointed. Most of all I wish for my husband to understand ( he is a normie) meaning he can drink like a normal person. He has put up with so much out of me - but I still wish for him to understand where I am coming from. I guess this is why we come here because we know there are other people out there and we are not alone. I do feel very alone in my house much of the time and I am very, very glad I found this site. Again I am not sure where I am going with this just that I feel your pain even tho I dont know u and u dont know me but we still have the same pain and lonliness. Its horrible and we want those that are the most dearest to us to know and yet we cant make them know, the same as we cant know what they are going thru when they watch us go through our pain and we cant know the pain we inflice on them when they watch us drink ourselves into oblivion. My heart goes out to you.

              PoohBear
              when you fail at something is when you learn and grow the most

              Comment


                #8
                fell off!

                Super, know where you are coming from. I'd rather be here with unconditional, non-judgmental support, than deal with my family.

                Long, long story, but was caregiver to my mom for years, tried to sell her house, close down her estate while working 60 hours a week. My brother, who sexually-abused me as a chld, has come out of the woodwork with his hand out. When I told my sister what he had done to me as a child, she didn't believe me.

                My sister, who doesn't work or drink, but spends her time going to yoga, walks, vacations with perfect hubby, out to lunch with daughters or friends, drove 3 hours to try to have me committed for a month, because I didn't call her over xmas, and when she had called, I had just finished a bottle of wine. Is that support? No. Had she ever helped me before, had she ever spoken to me about my drinking? No. Did I go in? No. Do I confide i her? No, not now. Have I had a drink since the beginning of the year? No. Has she asked? No.

                NHH-Happy Life was so right on when she quoted Plumeria about being proud of yourself.

                I am proud of myself that I have over 30 days AF since the middle of November. Does my sister know? No. Do I want her to know? I really don't care.

                I come here a few times a day. To read, to post, to learn, to get the support that I need and deserve. From the heart.

                As all have said on your thread. We are here for we, we are your support and we will always be. :h :h

                Comment


                  #9
                  fell off!

                  I want to throw something out there, but don't want to offend anyone. It is just what came to mind while reading this thread.

                  I actually have two siblings that are alcoholics and another who is a drug addict in jail.

                  Though they have never come to me for help I have to admit, I don't have the best opinion of them, even though we probably have so much in common. I don't know if it is sibling thing or not wanting to look weak in front of our loved ones, but I can even admit I am guilty of not understanding "their issues" even though many of them are similar to mine. I would never have it in me to admit my problem to them either.

                  I did tell my mom one time that I have a problem with alcohol and am working on it. And she said it didn't surprise her since my father was one. That is about as far as it went, but at least she seemed to have an understanding of genetics per say.

                  I guess my point is that it is hard for those in our lives to understand our problems when they don't know what were going through, but maybe some of them do and that makes it even harder. It may not be booze or drugs but something else.

                  Anyway, I feel safe and comfy knowing I can come here and will not be judged and will always have someone who knows how I feel.

                  -GC
                  "If you want to change, then change." -Blonde Chic from LOST

                  Comment


                    #10
                    fell off!

                    Superwoman, I understand how you feel. My siblings would be very unhappy with me if I told them I have an AL problem, they would never hear the rest of the sentance..."which I am working on getting under control"... i do think by the time this day is over I will be having a long talk with my wife to let her know I need to change, but she has heard this before and I don't know how much she will believe me. i think the only reason she will believe me is she wants be back full time. We do have some clsoe friends that I hope will be understanding when I talk to them about it...someday when I have the courage.
                    BHOG
                    War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

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                      #11
                      fell off!

                      On the average people have a lot of trouble understanding when a person especially family or close friend is going through struggles with drugs alcohol or anything that is considered taboo.

                      I have been trying to understand why people do this. I think that is the reason a lot of people just lie about their alcohol abuse or other similar problems. it's hard to be rejected for trying to overcome a drinking problem, who wants to be punished for trying to overcome a drinking problem? no wonder why it's so hard to succeed.
                      why is it easier to ignore or reject instead of being open, compassionate and patient?
                      maybe that is why we keep coming here. at least we can be honest and open with each other, and that is the key to becoming healthy.

                      superwoman you have support and understanding here. maybe your family is just not ready.

                      T
                      You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

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                        #12
                        fell off!

                        Trixie - I think you hit the nail right on the head.
                        Superwoman, before I came here I had no idea there were so many people like me out there. I felt so alone, so out of control, so isolated, like "I am not a full fledged alcoholic, I can get this under control......."

                        But without support it's hard to achieve those goals of mod/af on our own. It is hard.........we all know it......that's why we are all here..........because alone it is almost impossible - but here? No one judges, everyone understands cause guess what - THEY'VE BEEN THERE TOO..........

                        You came to the right place - can't wait to know more about you. If you need support pm me anytime but know that we will always care and always be non-judgmental.

                        Guess what superwoman - you just found a new, SUPPORTIVE family. Hope you'll let us care about you - keep posting.

                        Love and Hugs,
                        Uni
                        Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
                        :h

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                          #13
                          fell off!

                          This is my personal take on things. I find telling people I am not drinking really helps me--I have even told my boss. A lot of people aren't going to give a positive reaction, but for me that is not what it is about; I need to just get it out there to help me keep going. And personally, I don't give a shit what people think; it is about me for once, and not about them. I know a lot of people here give, give, give. It is our time to give to ourselves and screw the bastards who don't understand or care. Sorry, haven't been drinking for 16 days but still bitchy. I think I need to vent a little today.
                          Goal 1: Today
                          Goal 2: Tomorrow

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