Ponderings - children

[TiredofHiding]

Yet another pondering. I know there are many, many of us on here with children. My daughter is 8 and knows Daddy and I drink and that alcohol is for grown ups, but doesn't yet get the picture of how distructive it can be. Thank goodness I've been able to hide the drinking from her and its mostly at night.

My father is an alcoholic - has been for about 40 years now I guess. My maternal grandfather was. My mom had a period in her early thirties after her divorce when she really hit it hard and realized she had that gene and had to just not drink. Clearly there is heredity at play here. And chances are my daughter could have it. I so want to prevent her having these problems later so what do I say? how do I convince her? How much do I share later to express the seriousness of the problem? I dont' want to frighten her and I am doing everything I can to raise a child in a happy home (keeping things hidden fairly well) with two parents (thank God he has stuck by me through all this) and a comfortable financial picture and to give her confidence and assurance that I never had. She is so different than I was at her age already - more confidence, more assured of herself.

Anyway - when do we talk to our children? how honest have you been or do you plan to be? how do we keep them from this torture?

[trixietrack]

Ponderings - children

it sounds like your child is pretty well adjusted, which a really good sign. children do mimic their parents, I guess if you are not partying in front of her and making it seem like a good time or causing disturbances while drunk or hungover around your kid she'll be ok.

I'd say to wait until she starts asking a lot of questions about drinking.
If it's genetic you'll have to pay attention to it when she gets older.

[sandie_stevens]

Ponderings - children

Hi

I have a 15 yr old from my first marrage and 3yr old from 2nd i started drinking more after my divorce and my 15yr old has noticed he says he hates alchohol as he has seen what it does I haven't been so good at hiding it from him. it is easier when they are younger as they are in bed and dont need lifts to and from places etc it gets harder when they are older. My advice would be to you and me to control it now before it is too late for our younger ones.

as for my older he knows about this program or most of it and I have talked to him about addition and how my father is a alcholic and it could be in the genes etc therefore he and i have to be more aware than others about how much we drink. Apart from that it is a case of ' son do as I say not as I do!!' not good!.

They are why I am here

Good luck

[sandie_stevens]

Ponderings - children

ps sorry that should have been addiction!!!! I am at work about to leave in a hurry to pick up 3yr old (not drunk)!!!!!!!

hee hee

[Thankful]

Ponderings - children

Tired of hiding - I do not have children, but I have helped raise my niece. She and her mother have always lived with me. She considers me more of a mom than her own mother. Her mother is a raging alcoholic and drinks 5-6 nights a week. She is now 17 yrs old and unfortunately has lived with 4 alcoholics (and an alcoholic uncle who visits everyday) her whole life. I'm the only one who has ever even considerd trying to quit drinking (still haven't decided if I want to mod). So she is very much around AL 24/7. The thing is she is aware that this awful disease runs on both sides of her family, and it goes generations back. My only hope is that she hates alcohol so much for what it does to this family that she claims she can't even stand the smell. She sticks strong to her convictions that she will never drink. She is an only child in her generation (no cousins, etc) so I'm hoping this ugly cycle will be broken.

I agree with whats already been posted. We certainly can't glorify it's fun and glamor around childern. Or let them think that is the only way adults have fun. I know people who let their kids drink because they would rather have them do it at home then do it when they're out with their friends. Huge mistake!! My parents believed in this and they ended up raising four alcoholics. Also, I had a boss who couldn't wait until his kids turned 21 so he could run them to the bar and buy them their "first" drink. I wasn't in any position to tell him that if they are so willing to go do this with him that it certainly wasn't their first drink, but some parents just have blinders on.

The fact that you are so aware and that you want very much to protect your children from this, you are already ahead of the game. The bottom line - it's going to be up to the child as to what they will do as they get older. The education you provide for them now will certainly help them later.

Good luck. I wish you the very best.

Love, Me

[Eastender]

Ponderings - children

Hi Tired,

I have three kids Son 26 and two daughters 24 and 17.
My son hates drink will have one on special occasions etc My elder daughter likes a drink but can take it or leave it, My youngest, well, I wait most nights for her to arrive home half cut ,or clutching something that she has bought to drink at home. She is too young to drink which I remind her constantly.

When my elder daughter was 6 she came home from school with a drawing which showed a pink and brown set of lungs. She pointed at the brown ones and said that they were "mummys and daddies." Horrified we gave up smoking within days.
The ironic thing was that at 15 both the girls started smoking, the elder one only recently gave up for financial reasons more than anything but the younger still smokes.
My son has never touched a cigarette dispite courting a chainsmoker for the last eight years.
So I am afraid, It makes no sense to me and I personally found that once they hit the teenage years, they tend to make their own choices, whether we like them or not.

Eastx

[TiredofHiding]

Ponderings - children

Thank you all for the thoughts and ideas. I started this slippery slope as a teenager - we lived in a border town and starting around 17 I would go to Mexico with my friends, toss a dollar on the bar and 4 shots of tequila were mine! Way to start the party.

My mom was clueless - really. She thought her straight A, honor society, high achiever couldn't possibly be drinking. And my little sister was cool enough to cover for me.

I can't imagine my daughter doing that. I have been open and honest with her (age appropriate) about other difficult areas and I hope when the time comes can do so about this as well. I don't want to scare her, but I'd rather she never drink in her life, than have this.

Weight has been a problem for me forever and I thank God that she inherited my husband's tall skinny body and not much of an appetite. Perhaps she got some other good genes from him!?

[Accountable for Me]

Ponderings - children

sandie_stevens;253580 wrote: Hi

I have a 15 yr old from my first marrage and 3yr old from 2nd i started drinking more after my divorce and my 15yr old has noticed he says he hates alchohol as he has seen what it does I haven't been so good at hiding it from him. it is easier when they are younger as they are in bed and dont need lifts to and from places etc it gets harder when they are older. My advice would be to you and me to control it now before it is too late for our younger ones.

as for my older he knows about this program or most of it and I have talked to him about addition and how my father is a alcholic and it could be in the genes etc therefore he and i have to be more aware than others about how much we drink. Apart from that it is a case of ' son do as I say not as I do!!' not good!.

They are why I am here

Good luck

Boy, does your story sound like mine! Except my kids are 14 and 2! My 14 year old, she HATES alcohol and everything associated with it. My little one has NO idea.... and I definitely didn't want her to want to know what alcohol does to a family... or whatever. Coming here and getting a handle on things has been the BEST thing that ever has happened to me.