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    I quit. Again.

    Woke up, the clock said 10:58. Dark outside, that means pm. One of my cats, Kasimir, was sleeping next to me, but I didn't see Mordecai. A few days ago, I passed out while they were outside, and it's really too cold for that -- Kasimir got a bit of frostbite, or at least a "chapped nose", cracked and bleeding (it's healed fine, thankfully). Don't want to repeat that irresponsibility, so I got up to look for Mordecai.

    On the way out of the bedroom, I noticed that there's most of a twelve-pack left. Strange. Oh yeah, I was finishing off the rum. Went to the store when that was running low, around 7 o'clock. That was only four hours before, no wonder I still felt drunk.

    Mordecai was safely sleeping in the living room. Drank some V8 (replenish those electrolytes) and crawled back into bed, into the narrow space beside the mound of clean clothes. I have a system: clean clothes on the bed, dirty clothes on the floor. Couldn't sleep. Lay there with nothing-thoughts running through my head, as the drunkenness gradually faded towards hangover. Eventually I got up, took some Advil, and played my computer game until it was light out and I was tired enough to sleep.

    Woke up, 1:20 and light out. Afternoon. Looks like I'll be taking another vacation day at work. Been a lot of those lately. Maybe I've used them all up, and they'll start coming out of my paycheck as unpaid leave. I don't know. Still seven beers from that twelve-pack, and I lay there thinking about them for a long time. But I need to quit this. It's slowly killing me.

    Eventually I got up, opened them, and poured them down the bathroom sink. I quit. Again. It's a shame, too, good beer -- Long Trail's amber ale. But not good for me beer, there's no such thing anymore. Put the empties back in their box, and added it to the Wall of Shame. (Since my car stopped running last summer, it's been inconvenient to return bottles. So they've been building up against one wall of my bedroom. Now six twelve-packs wide, seven tall, and two deep, though the second rank isn't quite done. Perhaps 75 twelve-packs, 900 empties. My Wall of Shame.)

    Took my supplements, went to Dunkin' Donuts for coffee and a breakfast sandwich, now I'm here. Wish me strength.

    peace,
    lilnev
    Q: How do I become the person I want to be?
    A: Practice, of course.

    #2
    I quit. Again.

    Clean Start Please

    Hi lilnev, :goodjob:
    Please ditch the wall of shame. True Clean Start means no empties to remind you of ghastly days. Yep do wish you strength and so much more than this you deserve it I promise you do.
    :h

    Comment


      #3
      I quit. Again.

      I was around this fall, and put together a good AF string in October, a little over three weeks. Then, for no real reason that I understand, I started drinking again. Since then I haven't put together more than 3 days in a row. And pretty much stopped posting here, naturally. So I know I can do it. Now I need to do it, and stick to it.

      thanks all,
      lilnev
      Q: How do I become the person I want to be?
      A: Practice, of course.

      Comment


        #4
        I quit. Again.

        No wishing, you do have strength. It is obvious in your well-written post. I am speechless. I read this several times and it hit me in the gut, hard. Thank you for posting.
        This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

        Comment


          #5
          I quit. Again.

          Lil Nev, welcome back. Please come back, and inspire the rest of us...... don't stay away, even if you fall again.

          I'm with Victory- get rid of the empties. It's JUNK. This is a NEW YEAR, and you can start now with fresh hope. :l

          Patty
          Tampa, FL

          Comment


            #6
            I quit. Again.

            lilnev...
            I have fallen so many times and I so..know what you are going through. I think we can all get up agin. My thoughts and love are with you.

            Comment


              #7
              I quit. Again.

              Lil Nev, maybe it's in the water, maybe it's Mumbles Menino's fault (I'd love to blame it on him.) I remember you posting in the fall. Good to see you back. I've been struggling too. I feel like I'm terrorizing my cats by trying to trim their nails.

              If you want to get rid of your wall of shame, let me know. My car works. However it cannot interrupt the Pats game or the Bruins or the Celtics!

              You can do it, I can do it, we can all do it. Let me know if you need a car.

              Comment


                #8
                I quit. Again.

                good luck L. We are all in the same boat here. dont be shy!

                Comment


                  #9
                  I quit. Again.

                  Thanks all. Suki, I think I'll take you up on that. When's good?

                  OK, off to cook dinner now. No point being hungry. I'm glad I poured out those beers, else I 'spect I'd lose my resolve before the night was done. I've found I'm much better at not buying alcohol, than I am at not drinking it once it's in the house.

                  peace,
                  lilnev
                  Q: How do I become the person I want to be?
                  A: Practice, of course.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I quit. Again.

                    Lilnev-- do not drink.
                    xox
                    Fby
                    xox
                    Fby

                    *******************************************
                    Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
                    - Soren Kierkegaard

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I quit. Again.

                      Lil Nev, I have a therapists appointment in the morning, tomorrow from 11:30 to 12:30.

                      It's up to you. You like to cook? Al Capone's in Union Square in Somerville is an am amazing place. Little Italian bistro.

                      Anyway. Let me know. I'm available this weekend.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I quit. Again.

                        I totally understand that. If it's here I will drink it but i think twice about going to buy it. I'm glad you're ok and Suki I think it is awesome you reached out like that. So many times reading on here I wished I was close to some of you in location.

                        Lilnev you should be very proud of yourself today

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I quit. Again.

                          lilnev;253685 wrote: Eventually I got up, opened them, and poured them down the bathroom sink. I quit. Again. It's a shame, too, good beer -- Long Trail's amber ale. But not good for me beer, there's no such thing anymore. Put the empties back in their box, and added it to the Wall of Shame. (Since my car stopped running last summer, it's been inconvenient to return bottles. So they've been building up against one wall of my bedroom. Now six twelve-packs wide, seven tall, and two deep, though the second rank isn't quite done. Perhaps 75 twelve-packs, 900 empties. My Wall of Shame.)
                          Lil nev....

                          I got to thinking... on a different thread, someone said the average amount spent on booze per day was $15..... well, you have 900 empties?

                          The average beer has 142 calories and 11 carbs.

                          That means, there were 128,344 calories trapped in those bottles. 9,900 carbs.

                          Patty
                          Tampa, FL

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I quit. Again.

                            Lilnev - stay here! Even if you slip again. Keep coming here - that way you will have the best of help and love and support. You can do it.

                            Bessie xx

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I quit. Again.

                              ok, lil nev. It's 6:30 am, Bean-town time. Let me know when you want to dismantle the wall of shame!

                              Comment

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