Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

[universal]

Well, here I am, It's 1 am my time which is Sunday............figured I'd start the thread.....

Had an interesting day yesterday......chatted with the BF (not sure if BF) and finally said you know what............enoughs enough.....you either want this or you don't.........but I'm sick of your crap........

He soooooooooo wasn't expecting that.......I have always been so accomidating......he had no response...........said can we go for dinner Wedneday? And I said sure........but just so You know.......I may not be waiting by Wednesday.....

You know what guys...........damn.............that felt good! It hurts cause I love him but screw him for thinking he can run my life.........and he has for so long. It finally felt good to say........you know what? Guess what, I may not be here when you make up your F@$@$$ mind..........Guess what i may say screw you.........guess what........my turn to think.......guess what.......my turn..........period...............damn that felt good.

So chances are we are sooooo done but I think I will be okay.........may still have my depressed days but I know you guys will be here..........but i think it was time for me to stand on my own two feet and say no more of your crap. I've had enough..............

So, bear with me guys........the next couple of weeks may be rough for me.........so if I'm an emotional roller coaster.......I hope you guys will be here. But I know you will......which is why I'm telling you.

Honestly, I feel like I'm afraid to tell anyone else right now - afraid to tell my parents and my friends that my relationship is pretty much done, afraid they will be upset or hurt........but for some reason I feel safe here. I know I can talk here..........thanks guys.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday,
Love and Hugs,
Uni

[Bessie]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Universal - good for you. You have taken the upper hand and told him what YOU want. That must be so empowering. It really sounds like you have done the right thing. I really, really hope it works however it turns out.

Glad you felt you could tell it as it is on here. And you know that you will get nothing but love and support for however long you need it from so many. Stay strong. Stay here. Stay focussed on keeping AL away from your battered emotions. He is no help.

Big hugs. :l

Love and happy Sunday to all who follow

Bessie xx

[onthegrand]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Universal, way to go!!! You are making wonderful strides in standing up for yourself and I'm really proud of you!! You have to be your own biggest cheerleader!!! Yes, the next little while will be a roller coaster ride for you but take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and know that we are here for you!!!
Onthegrand

[retteacher]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Uni: Stay strong & concentrate on one thing: yourself & your sobriety. Nothing else will be OK wo/that. Good luck, Mary

[Dolly Sunshine]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Good for you. I'm a very similiar situation and you give me hope. We just need to worry about us.

[rudemama]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

hello, waiting for snow....i love tracking weather. feeling good today uni remember it is your path you break the trail that is for you and your daughter keep up the great work enjoy sunday all rudemama

[lukalee]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Uni, Good for you!!!! Stick to your guns. Keep visualizing what you want out of this relationship, and if he cannot do that for you, then he is not good enough for you. We are here for you!!!!!!!!

[juli86]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Uni, good for you on standing up for yourself. Sounds like it was more than just words...sounds like you're really feeling it. There's nothing worse than feeling powerless...with the BF, with Al. Reclaiming your power, even with small baby steps, will make you so much stronger..make you feel so much better. Hang in there! We'll be right here.

[Deena]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Good morning all,
Good for you Uni, for standing up for yourself. Each day you do so you empower yourself a little bit more, and you will be surprised at how strong you are. Do what's right for YOU and don't worry about what friends and family may think.

Had a nice evening last night watching a movie and working on a jigsaw puzzle with my 15 year old son. Hubby is away and youngest son was at a sleepover. Typically I would have taken the opportunity of hubby being gone to get totally blotto, but not this time!

So nice to wake up feeling good and actually REMEMBERING the movie and what I did, eh?

[Cinders]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Uni and all ODATers,

Haven't had much chance to post, I have been seriously busy and will stay that way for a bit.

However, Uni, I thought your post important enough that I just had to take sometime to respond. Of course you know we will be here. There are some wonderful people here and we all want to help each other. Hang in there, girl, you know what you did was the right thing for you and your daughter. You don't have room in your life for someone who is not there for the two of you 100%.

This also brings up something I have been reading. Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Drinking. Many have posted about this book, some like it and some don't. I am finding what he has to say about quitting very fascinating. It ties to the same Buddhist philosophies about us dealing with "bad" things in life.

In short, it is normal and right to have bad feelings and emotions. Fear, anger, nervousness and stress are all perfectly normal experiences. The fact that we use alcohol to change our response to those triggers is what is bad.

All these feelings are important. They let us know something is wrong and needs to be fixed. When we use alcohol (or any other drug) to affect our reactions, we are bypassing our body's natural and normal self-defense mechanisms. i.e., fear, if we are drunk and removing the inhibitions for fear, all we have done is opened ourselves up to not responding correctly to a situation that requires us to deal with the fear. Kind of stupid if you think about it.

Anyway, just thought I would share that. I am about halfway through the book and enjoying it very much.

Again, Uni, we understand you will be on an emotional rollercoaster, relationship problems are very stressful, fearful, life changing events. I guess what I do want to say is that using alcohol to "make it better" (something I have always done) is truly only going to make it worse because it will remove your mind and body's ability to do what is truly right for you and Kennedy.

Love,
Cindi

[bookmom]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Way to go Uni. I don't know your whole story but sounds like you are making good moves. A therapist once told me that when you are trying to go AF you need to be in your "fuzzy slipper" stage. Meaning take care of yourself and seek whatever is comforting to you like putting on nice fuzzy slippers! Hope some slippers are coming your way!

[bald headed old guy]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Uni,
YOu Go Girl! Each of us needs to take charge of our own life, and you certainly have taken charge of yours. Expect him to be upset...you are changing, and you did not ask his permission. Most people, in my opinion, have a hard time when someone whom they have taken for granted stands up and says, NO. I'm in charge of me!
Hang out here with us, as you and I have talked, this site is great on support and sometimes really belly shaking laughter!
Be strong, be true to yourself, and you will make your own life better!
Hugs!
BHOG

[retteacher]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Cindi: I read Alan Carr's book & couldn't agree more about our so-called negative emotions...fear, anger, etc. I was raised to suppress those emotions which probably made me an excellent candidate for alcoholism. I'm now having to re-learn how to express myself, how to get through a crisis sober, & how to deal w/the normal ups & downs of life. It's a journey that sometimes seems difficult. But what's the alternative? Going through life numbed out? Is that what I really want? And what about all the negative side effects of alcoholism? All the guilt, shame, & anxiety that I wouldn't normally have. That seemed to crowd out all the other emotions (including joy) that came my way. Thanks for the reminder that I can & will deal w/all that life has to offer. By the way, I hope your daughter is doing well. Love, Mary

[Suzanna]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Universal, I just wanted to add my voice to the others here, way to go!! You have empowered yourself and set an example for your daughter too. We will be here through the ups and downs. :h

[FinallyRN]

Newbies in Need - Odat Sunday

Its all been said Uni,...... You go girl!!!!! I here rooting for you. Show him who's in charge!