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    #1

    Hello!

    So, I'm reading Wikipedia on Alcoholism, it mentions Topamax which brings me here after a quick google search.

    I am an alcoholic that has managed in the past to abstain for 18 months after my (now) husband left me until I'd sorted myself out. I did it with no other support except from my family and friends, I loved being sober and got my life back on track. November 2006 we went to a wedding and let myself drink as I thought I could handle it. Big mistake. The switch flipped and I had to be driven home early after passing out. Free wine which I could secretly guzzle...woo hoo!!

    Since then I've been pretty much drinking every day, secretly buying vodka or gin, or a bottle or two of wine and necking it before my husband gets home, which is normally an hour or two after me. I pass out, wake up and cannot remember what happened the night before, I forget convos that I have with my husband and he is constantly asking if I'm drinking and I'm always denying it.
    I thought I'd start this new year clean but I broke today, I was making a soup which needed white wine, I went and bought a bottle...a third went in the soup, two thirds in me! Also after that I needed a little more so I had some gin and then some whisky. I can't go on like this anymore...I feel like I'm wasting my life...I have no motivation to do anything, I just want to sleep or drink. I'm 27 and got married last year, I should be enjoying life with my husband, but I'm just wasting it....we've talked about children but he doesn't want any until he can trust my drinking, which is understandable. I want to pick myself up and show him I can do it again. I'm just finding it so hard.
    I'm hoping sharing experiences here will help.
    I'm also intriuged by the testimonials I've heard about Topamax...is it effective?
    'The only people who give you a hard time (for stopping drinking) are those who used to look to your drinking to excess to legitimise theirs, and they'll find someone else to do that in time. '
    From an Amazon review of Allan Carr's ' Easy Way to Control Alcohol'
    Tags: None
    #2
    Hello!

    Hi. I have only joined today and reading through all the similar stories to myself gives me strength that others are on the right path. You have everything going for you. Dont throw it away being pissed. I have lost many loving relationships because im an alcoholic and if i dont stop now im going to loose the most important people that i care for and care for me. You talk about children. I have hurt my children emotionally through my drinking and its horrible to watch. I then drink to forget. I feel the same as you either want to lye in my bed or get drunk. We can do this!!! I got drunk on Friday saying i would just have one beer in the pub, it led to 15 bottles at least and i couldnt stand up. Like i say we can do this. Life is shit as a drunk

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      #3
      Hello!

      Hovercat

      Unfortunately I cannot advise on topa but I'm sure others who have/are using it will be able to help.

      I just wanted to say :welcome: to MWO.

      Also you have abstained previously so you should use that as your strength - you can do this.

      All the best.
      Mandy x

      Comment

        #4
        Hello!

        Thakyou, I know I can do it which it the most frustrating part, I'm finding it very hard this time, I think it is because I haven't got the 'incentive' of trying to win my bloke back...I need to do it for myself. I'll start today.

        I look forward to doing it and I'm really glad I found this place, I think it will help to have a place to be honest about it all.
        'The only people who give you a hard time (for stopping drinking) are those who used to look to your drinking to excess to legitimise theirs, and they'll find someone else to do that in time. '
        From an Amazon review of Allan Carr's ' Easy Way to Control Alcohol'

        Comment

          #5
          Hello!

          Hi Hovercat and JB. I'm brand new to the site just like y'all so I guess we're kinda starting our journies here together. I agree that we can do this. You know moderation just isn't for everyone IMO. I think if we can get this monkey off our backs we should just leave it behind and never look back, period. Alcohol is crap anyway, who needs it? I mean when I'm all fuckered up I'm really not enjoying life, I'm just sitting around while the rest of the world (and my life) pass me by. I think thats the case for a lot of people, certainly for my freinds who drink like I do. But on the other hand my freinds who dont use alcohol or other recreation drugs really seem to enjoy life. When they're not having fun at least they're experiencing this life. They're actually living life I can only speak for myself but when I'm drinking i don't feel I'm living life, just wasting it.

          Hovercat if you can rock 18 months without a drink thats awsome. I bet even after a month or two you'd be acclimated to life without drinking. If you get there, keep on keepin on. Don't look back. Drinking is garbage.

          Comment

            #6
            Hello!

            Welcome Hovercat!

            I found this website on New Years Eve, when I was looking for justification to have "just one" after being alchohol free for about a month.

            I recommend that you read, read, read on this site. If you need the motivation to stop drinking, well, as you surf this site, you'll see yourself as you are now and what you can become- both in a postive and in a negative way. There are people here that are able to moderate their drinking, but there are others (us) that say "one and done" but really mean, "one night and done", which gets switched to "one weekend and done"~ you get the idea.

            You are young~ 27 ~ and I really commend you for recognizing that you need help. I should have had help years ago, but I was too proud to admit it. When I looked in the mirror shortly after my 43rd b-day, I was horrified at what I saw.... so I'm changing now. I'm not drinking. I'm losing weight. I'm exercising. I'm LIVING. It's amazing.


            You might want to consider admitting the truth to your husband. He's supposed to be there for better and for worse, right? You know that you aren't fooling him, and he sounds as if he's supporting you~ reach out, and you might be surprised at how he can reach your soul better than you can.

            God Bless.

            Patty
            Tampa, FL

            Comment

              #7
              Hello!

              Thankyou Nothappyhour... my husband knows about my problem, he's started offering to come with me when I make my spurious trips (we need baked beans!) so I cannot buy alcohol that way, which I was doing a lot.
              When I stopped drinking last time I lost so much weight, but I'm now the heaviest I've been for years which is another (shallow) incentive for me to stop drinking- I eat more when I drink to disguise the smell of alcohol on my breath....so not only do I get the empty calories from the booze but calories from crisps etc.
              The first few days will be hard but I love it when I'm AF for a day and wake up remembering what happened the night before on not feeling ill and guilty. I have to remember that feeling every day in my 'danger time' which is around 5pm and 7pm.
              'The only people who give you a hard time (for stopping drinking) are those who used to look to your drinking to excess to legitimise theirs, and they'll find someone else to do that in time. '
              From an Amazon review of Allan Carr's ' Easy Way to Control Alcohol'

              Comment

                #8
                Hello!

                Hi,Wanted to let you know my exp. on Topa so far. Mind you,I also do the supps,kudzu,cd & read RJ's book..not in that order...lol. I have had very good results with all of it with little side effects and I am Very sensitve to meds...and when I say sensitve...I mean VERY! The worst side effect has been the cognitive,can u tell?? :H My hubby and boss have had some fun with this one but both have been great! The other was fatigue,but both do get better. It is sooo worth it in the end,the cravings are so less &thought process is diff. at least this is how it has been for me. My goal has been to mod. and that is what I am doing.
                Granite,some days are hard and I mess up,still new to this but I am well on my way with a great attitude and a supportive hubby,friends,family,and of course my new friends here. I know I will get where I want to be because first,I love myself,2-I believe in myself,3-I am worth it! You know what...You are too!!!:l

                Comment

                  #9
                  Hello!

                  Hi Hovermat, and welcome.
                  I am a newbie here as well. Since joining have had more AF days than ever before.
                  I am not taking topa, just doing the supps, and occasional CD's. Plus reading and posting and occ. chat.

                  Welcome aboard

                  Winefree

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Hello!

                    Hi Hovercat

                    I can completely relate. I can't go on either. Today is going to be my first day AF.....join me. I was going to call my doctor tomorrow to try Campral which from the research I've done seems to have less side effects...especially weird mind trips. There are other ones to which work well for people. I'm not an expert on it by any means but I don't see how the drugs can hurt at this point I seem to be drinking just as much as you.

                    Hang in there.
                    MerrygoGirl (getting off the Merry go round)

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