Well, it's friday evening in this part of the world, and I'm contemplating my first night out without alcohol. I've been invited for dinner at a new restaurant, but wondering how it's going to go without wine. The other diners are drinkers, (quite heavy drinkers I would say) but they seem to know when it's time to call it a night. (I don't ). I know they won't pressure me to drink, but am I getting ahead of myself thinking I'm strong enough yet to go? I tend to get quite socially anxious, but I'm feeling pretty calm at the moment, and I don't want to isolate myself from friends too much. i need to learn how to be able to go out and not drink, but is it too early (one week AF)?
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Go out or stay in?
Well, my advice, for what it's worth, would be give it a go. If you know they won't pressurise you that's a good start. Can you have yourself some good excuses in hand about why you're not drinking? Can you have an early night - do the eating and social bit then head for home? Is there anything like Calmes Forte or some herbal thing you can take to keep you calm? I'd try it - you'll learn where you are with your progress. Can you drive there? - I guess if Beijing is anything like Hong Kong then probably not. Taxis and MTR to get everywhere! Just some thoughts. Good luck and let us know how you got on!
Bessie xx -
Go out or stay in?
Thanks Bessie-
I'm doing a 'detox' (well, it's true in a way!), can't drive, but can still leave earlyish.
I don't have any calmforte, difficult to get hold of here. I do have some L-glutamine, will that be anyhelp in this situation?Comment
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Go out or stay in?
From my experience I would say yes - definitely reduces the craving. Get some down your neck before you go out - might want to check if you should take it with food for best effect. At this stage I think it helps to do all and everything you can to get yourself through.
Have a great evening!
Bessie xxComment
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Go out or stay in?
Sad, it really depends on you. The first time I went out with friends it was on day 10 and it wasn't that much fun, so I only stayed for an hour or so. The second time it was day 19, and I had a total blast AF. I think a lot of times it is the mood you are in right before you go.Goal 1: Today
Goal 2: TomorrowComment
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Go out or stay in?
The first is always the hardest, but there has to be a first! 2nd you're only a week AF be careful. What I do is drink well before you go, juices, soda, anything with a little sugar in it, it helps with cravings, and don't go there starving........being hungry is a big trigger for me.
Good luck, keep us postedComment
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Go out or stay in?
I'll be facing a sinilar situation tonight myself, except my freinds WILL pressure me to drink, they seem to think its funny. They also like to prssure me to come off my diet, again they find it amusing. I even have other freinds who want to get me started drinking so I can buy all the alcohol since they're broke all the time (can't keep good jobs).
Whatver though, I'm the king of my hill and I won't let them knock me off. I agree with you though that its important to learn to go out and have a life, an AF life that is. Good luck Sad!! You can do it if you try.Comment
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Go out or stay in?
Sad... Be really careful... make sure you really, really know why you are going out. Our minds can be very cunning in the first few weeks of sobriety. We may thing we only want to go out for dinner, but if in fact all of the people are heavy drinkers, that may be too much of a temptation and a subliminal way out. I don't mean you intend to drink, because I know you don't, but in the first week it can be very slippery. I know we all need to have our first, but I am not sure if a dinner with heavy drinkers in your first week is the best test .. that is just my honest oppinion. Just really give it some deep thought. This is about you and only you.
Good luck..
MMFace your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.Comment
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Go out or stay in?
Well- I did it. It was dinner, and it was nice enough but to be honest not THAT much fun. It was a little difficult to relax (without a drink), but I imagine it gets easier.
Thanks for the support.Comment
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Go out or stay in?
Mama's right, Beijing~ sometimes deep in my heart, I sincerely want to change, but all of a sudden, a stray thought pops into my head and justifies a sneaky Plan B! Don't give in! My first month, I was almost in isolation and didn't even go out for dinner. Do you think when you go out, you may be sabotaging your success, or do you think you can stay strong? Follow your heart.
Believe, like you, when I told a couple of friends that I had "stopped drinking", some of them were absolutely NOT supportive. Maybe they didnt realize how hard it was to verbalize the words, and then when they laughed them off, it pretty much discredited all my inner convictions, you know? "Well, if they think I'm okay, I guess I'm not as bad as I thought..." I really love my other friend who said, "Good for you! Are you on that new Detox Diet?".... so, that's my new line. (Does anyone know if there really is a Detox Diet? I suppose I should Google it....)
Anyway, I got to thinking about how my friends reacted- yes, two tried the peer pressure thing and my other friend congratulated me. In retrospect, I guess I'm lucky that they didn't say, "Well, it's about damn time! I always thought you were a lush!!!"
Patty
Tampa, FLComment
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Go out or stay in?
Glad it went well Sad - at least you stuck to your guns even if you didn't drink. I haven't had to face the social event yet. The only one I've had was a little pampered chef party at my house so it was my choice not to serve alcohol. It felt weird, but it was ok.
Many years ago my husband and I were members of a regular wine tasting group (before problem got serious). We met once a month for great wines. When we decided to start a family I stopped drinking, but we still went to the get togethers because it was part of our regular social scene and great friends. It was a littel weird to be at a wine tasting and not drinking but I soon found out how funny it was! I could see the volume in the room rise with each poor, I saw my husband get louder and sillier, I saw the things like the guy lick the drip off the side of the bottle I probably didn't notice when not drinking. I had some really good laughs and enjoyed telling my husband all of my observations later. A silly side-story but I hope you see some of the fun we can enjoy on the clean side of the fence.
Believe - I am sorry your friends are not very supportive. That would make life very tough. Remember it may be their own personal guilt pushing them to try to derail you. You have the power! Stay strong.Member since January 2008
AF since August 25, 2008Comment
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Go out or stay in?
Yeah this is a great way to find out who your freinds really are....Not Happy Hour-Happy Life;256971 wrote: Mama's right, Beijing~ sometimes deep in my heart, I sincerely want to change, but all of a sudden, a stray thought pops into my head and justifies a sneaky Plan B! Don't give in! My first month, I was almost in isolation and didn't even go out for dinner. Do you think when you go out, you may be sabotaging your success, or do you think you can stay strong? Follow your heart.
Believe, like you, when I told a couple of friends that I had "stopped drinking", some of them were absolutely NOT supportive. Maybe they didnt realize how hard it was to verbalize the words, and then when they laughed them off, it pretty much discredited all my inner convictions, you know? "Well, if they think I'm okay, I guess I'm not as bad as I thought..." I really love my other friend who said, "Good for you! Are you on that new Detox Diet?".... so, that's my new line. (Does anyone know if there really is a Detox Diet? I suppose I should Google it....)
Anyway, I got to thinking about how my friends reacted- yes, two tried the peer pressure thing and my other friend congratulated me. In retrospect, I guess I'm lucky that they didn't say, "Well, it's about damn time! I always thought you were a lush!!!"
Sad, congrats on passing what must be a huge test, I'm hoping to mimic your success. Way to go!!Comment
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Go out or stay in?
good luck! I am hoping you do great and can read great things about your experience. A good example will be inspiring.Comment
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Go out or stay in?
what kind of friends do you have? you really think they are friends?BELIEVE;256904 wrote: I'll be facing a sinilar situation tonight myself, except my freinds WILL pressure me to drink, they seem to think its funny. They also like to prssure me to come off my diet, again they find it amusing. I even have other freinds who want to get me started drinking so I can buy all the alcohol since they're broke all the time (can't keep good jobs).
Whatver though, I'm the king of my hill and I won't let them knock me off. I agree with you though that its important to learn to go out and have a life, an AF life that is. Good luck Sad!! You can do it if you try.You can't turn a pickle into a cucumberComment
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Go out or stay in?
Sad: I'm happy to read you got through the dinner with your friends AF. Until you get used to sobriety, and until your friends get used to you not drinking and realize you are serious about cutting down or abstaining, you will feel uncomfortable. As time goes on, you learn to socialize without the drink. You will also notice that you are better for it (not drinking). You will remember conversations, have no regrets for saying/doing silly things, and you will overall feel great. You will feel great in that you won't have a headache the next day and you will be proud of yourself for going to a social function and not drinking a drop. People tend to envy those that either don't drink or cut back considerably. This can be empowering.September 23, 2011Comment
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