I have spent the last 20 years of my life binge drinking - sometimes not so often, the last 3-4 years too often. For some reason, once I reached my mid-thirties, my drinking became worse. I still don't drink every night, but when I do drink it is to the point of blackout and pissing off everyone around me, thoroughly embarrassing myself. And the next day, I am so sick I can't even move. And this happens 2-4 times a week. It is now affecting my work and my personal life (I used to be very active in the outdoors , despite my drinking - now I have become a couch potato).
I went for help; AA, a therapist (who recovered with AA) and a "pill" lady (ARNP) and was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I thought, oh - this is the reason I am so agro and drinking so much. So, I took the lithium and other drugs thinking I'd get better. It worked, for a while but probably only masked the real problem because I started drinking again - even to the point where I was near death the next day because of the dehydration due to the mixture of alcohol and lithium.
I then went to a naturopath and found that I was severely allergic to gluten and a few other foods that could be causing my anger/depression, I was also very deficient in several vitamins/iron. So, I went off the gluten and the Bipolar pills and felt better for awhile. But then, started binge drinking again...
So, I have come to the conclusion that I don't really have any kind of mental disorder. I was not diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but by an ARNP, and everyone I know told me it was BS, but I really wanted to believe that it was my problem; I have since learned that there is an over-diagnosis problem of Bipoloar disorder. So, I am now off the lithium and anti-depressants and feel much better (and my loved ones are happy too - they never thought it was my problem).
I just drink too damn much and that is the cause of all my anger, depression and vitamin deficiencies (I learned this after reading this site). But I never wanted to give alcohol up - it has always been my friend, and my crutch. But I have to start thinking of it as my enemy, because that is truly what it is...
I have my topamax, vitamins and am raring to go. This is day three for me. I know it is going to be difficult as I have "triggers" for drinking and everyone I know (including my family) are binge drinkers...I can't give up my loved ones so I have to learn to drink iced tea while they get wasted and just go to bed early.:sigh:
Thanks for listening and I am really happy this program is around - I remember trying to start it about 9 months ago and just never followed through (I thought the lithium would be my savior). Good to see that it has grown and has so much support. I have always believed that the way AA treats alcoholism was strange, because if it truly is a "disease" and a physical problem - how can you treat it with social behavior modification? i guess it works for some - most I saw there were still talking about their "alcohol problem" twice a week, 20 years after they had quit - yikes, I don't want that!
uch:
I went for help; AA, a therapist (who recovered with AA) and a "pill" lady (ARNP) and was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I thought, oh - this is the reason I am so agro and drinking so much. So, I took the lithium and other drugs thinking I'd get better. It worked, for a while but probably only masked the real problem because I started drinking again - even to the point where I was near death the next day because of the dehydration due to the mixture of alcohol and lithium.
I then went to a naturopath and found that I was severely allergic to gluten and a few other foods that could be causing my anger/depression, I was also very deficient in several vitamins/iron. So, I went off the gluten and the Bipolar pills and felt better for awhile. But then, started binge drinking again...
So, I have come to the conclusion that I don't really have any kind of mental disorder. I was not diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but by an ARNP, and everyone I know told me it was BS, but I really wanted to believe that it was my problem; I have since learned that there is an over-diagnosis problem of Bipoloar disorder. So, I am now off the lithium and anti-depressants and feel much better (and my loved ones are happy too - they never thought it was my problem).
I just drink too damn much and that is the cause of all my anger, depression and vitamin deficiencies (I learned this after reading this site). But I never wanted to give alcohol up - it has always been my friend, and my crutch. But I have to start thinking of it as my enemy, because that is truly what it is...
I have my topamax, vitamins and am raring to go. This is day three for me. I know it is going to be difficult as I have "triggers" for drinking and everyone I know (including my family) are binge drinkers...I can't give up my loved ones so I have to learn to drink iced tea while they get wasted and just go to bed early.:sigh:
Thanks for listening and I am really happy this program is around - I remember trying to start it about 9 months ago and just never followed through (I thought the lithium would be my savior). Good to see that it has grown and has so much support. I have always believed that the way AA treats alcoholism was strange, because if it truly is a "disease" and a physical problem - how can you treat it with social behavior modification? i guess it works for some - most I saw there were still talking about their "alcohol problem" twice a week, 20 years after they had quit - yikes, I don't want that!
uch:
) you can click on my name and scroll down to all posts by...and look it up. Please do not feel obligated to do so. 
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