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WHY I DRINK.....

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    WHY I DRINK.....

    1. I feel normal when I drink. I "shutdown" when sober. I had 5 years once. I had to go to counseling after the first 6 months because I could not cry or feel without alcohol. When most people get sober they "feel" something. I am not talking about withdrawal. I just didn't feel or connect to anything. Least of all myself.

    2. I am a "shut in". I am afraid. All the time.

    3. I am dying anyway. I have Hepatitis C (untreated).

    4. Its not that bad. I am drinking less. Liver failure?

    5. I am not like you. I don't have a nice house, job, loving husband, insurance, car, hope, etc. I have already lost everything that meant anything.
    ----------------------------------------

    I lost my kids 7 years ago. They are now 18 and 21. I have done everything I said I would never do. I am so ashamed. I am 41. I was a daily drinker by 16.

    My father ran a meth lab when I was 15. He was murdered when I was 18. They (funeral parlor) told me not to look under the sheet. I wish I would have listened. He was shot in the head 4 times. Still unsolved!

    A year ago I went to detox/treatment again. I was drinking a 1/5 a day of gin or vodka daily and also had unlimited prescriptions for Vicodin and Valium. They had to carry me in.

    After treatment my doctor put me on methadone for pain management. I took 1/2 of what was prescribed and thought I was doing OK. I wasn't drinking. The pharmacy messed up w/ my prescription and I went through methadone withdrawal for 10 days. I quit ALL pills. It was the worst! It doesn't make sense that something that makes me better makes me sicker in the long run.

    I am off ALL pills. I am off hard alcohol. I am off all street drugs except for occasional marijuana.

    I hope my story helps someone.

    Daddy always said, "People don't hurt you, YOU let them hurt you". It's kind of obvious why I have "people" issues. I will probably dump and run.

    My worst fear:

    I exist in all my pain for eternity.

    deja[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]

    #2
    WHY I DRINK.....

    dmarie live while life is here die when the time is right.and take it one day at a time.and god bless you.
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    Comment


      #3
      WHY I DRINK.....

      Welcome D Marie!

      Don't run away. There are people here that can help you. You don't have to exist in pain- for one day, or for eternity. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your circumstances are. :h

      God bless,

      Patty
      Tampa, FL

      Comment


        #4
        WHY I DRINK.....

        DMarie......."I hope my story helps someone"..........YOU are SOMEONE. Let us help you with your struggles. There are a lot of compassionate people here.......please don`t disappear.

        Love and strength to you. :l

        Starlight Impress xx

        Comment


          #5
          WHY I DRINK.....

          Thank you for responding.

          If no one did...It would reinforce my lonliness and isolation.

          I feel like no one understands!

          I drink in the morning! I am not worried about fine wine on weekends.

          Comment


            #6
            WHY I DRINK.....

            DMarie....Thank you for sharing your story. I was going to cave tonight, go get an 18-pack. After reading your post, I have chosen not too. Thank you for touching my life and for changing the history of my own night...

            We are here....you are not alone.
            This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

            Comment


              #7
              WHY I DRINK.....

              Hey DMarie,

              I'm not great with the words of wisdom but I do want to show you my support.

              Please check out the threads and keep posting. The folks on here are a great supportive and very caring bunch. You will make friends very quickly.

              hang tight and talk to us soon.
              mike

              Comment


                #8
                WHY I DRINK.....

                D Marie - if you want to "chat", go enter the chat room, and people will join you there. Normally, it will get busy in the evenings, and there are alot of non-judgemental people that pop in and out.

                Looking- Thank you for touching my life and for changing the history of my own night...- that's a very powerful compliment to DMarie! :h

                Patty
                Tampa, FL

                Comment


                  #9
                  WHY I DRINK.....

                  It's time to figure out how to get "well" again. Not easy considering I live w/ my mother who has 15 years in AA. Yes, I was the one who 12-stepped her. The temp is 20 degrees outside. It's a long walk to the store. I don't want to hitch hike. Yes, I

                  OBLIVION MY DEAR FRIEND...
                  I HAVE COME TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN...
                  ABOUT THOUGHTS FLEETING..
                  AND LIFE'S TRUE MEANING....

                  Comment


                    #10
                    WHY I DRINK.....

                    Happy Life....It is a very powerful thread. :h

                    Hope you become part of our family DMarie....
                    This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      WHY I DRINK.....

                      DMarie, this is the kind of post I always shy away from responding to, as I feel like a pretty shallow cookie compared to the kind of person you've had to become through hard circumstances. In a contest about who's faced more pain, you'd win hands-down. So let's not have a contest! Just know that we're all here because we were drinking too goddamn much, whether we were manicure-perfect Junior-Leaguers or bottom-out skid-row drunkards.

                      Welcome, and know you will find a safe place to "vent" here.
                      Jane Jane

                      Comment


                        #12
                        WHY I DRINK.....

                        DMarie-
                        Do not underestimate the power of yourself. You have experience and wisdom working for you. Learn from your experience and use your wisdom to your advantage.
                        Good luck on your journey.... we are here for you.
                        Fby
                        xox
                        Fby

                        *******************************************
                        Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
                        - Soren Kierkegaard

                        Comment


                          #13
                          WHY I DRINK.....

                          DMarie: i'm so sorry you have so much pain in your life. Not everyone here has it all.. many have lost a lot ior all n terms of relationships, jobs, financial stuff. so you are not alone.
                          I am glad you reached out. There is so much hope here ... from many people who were in true despair and have been able to dig their way out. Please keep posting, we want to hear from you!!!!
                          Oh and please tell me that's Pink Floyd ..?
                          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            WHY I DRINK.....

                            Dmarie - welcome. I hope you find the help that you need here.

                            As for you not being like any of us, guess again. There are many here who do not have a nice house, loving husband, job, etc. Some have it worse, a not so loving husband/wife. Some had nice homes and jobs and managed to lose them through alcohol and drug abuse. There are people here who have also lost their children and many here who are grieving over past loved ones. People here understand what you are going through more than you will ever know. Alcoholism is not prejudice. It afflicts rich/poor, young/old, happy/sad, skinny/obese, white/black, educated/uneducated....etc., etc. I hope you see the point. I am af just by using this free site. I do not follow the full program. I wish I could, but it's not possible for me now. So, stay strong. Join this site everyday.

                            You will find comfort and friends. There are a lot of amazing people who are ready to share their stories and listen to yours. The more you read the more you'll learn. You get out of this what you put in. Give it a chance. Give yourself a chance.

                            Love, Me
                            :l
                            Alcohol is simply the device between success and failure.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              WHY I DRINK.....

                              Dmarie,
                              Thank you for your original post. It is among the most honest and enlightening messages I've ever read on this forum. If anyone can have a reason to drink themselves into oblivion, it would be you. I've drunk the drink just like you, but for far less reasons (work related stress), which indicates that you are far stronger person than me.

                              Your testimony is riveting and brought chills to my bones. It will help me rethink the way I think about alcohol and my life.

                              God Bless You,

                              jimbo

                              Comment

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