nothing else works

[poohbear]

Hello everyone I am new here. My name is Joy and I'm an alcoholic - duh huh? Anyway I have recently come to the conclusion that nothing that I am doing or have done works - at least not for me. I have been through a 30 day IP tx program - stayed AF for 6 months. Been through outpt rehab twice and I'm still drinking. Go to AA meetings at least 2 x a week - still drinking. Ughhhhhh what in the world is wrong with me???? Is my mind not open enough to accept anything that I have been taught????? Anyway I ordered the kudzu as that is all I can afford right now as my husband just recently lost his job. I am going to try and find a psych doc that can maybe prescribe campral or topa for me. My regular pcp prescribed Wellbutrin for me for depression. I wonder though am I not depressed cause of the alcohol. Is alcohol not a depressant???? I mean of course its going to cause me to be depressed. So maybe if I can get completely off the alcohol will I maybe not need the anti-depressant???

So guess I just wanted to give a brief introduction of myself. I read these boards alot and it is very comforting to know that I am not the only one out there that struggles like this and feels this way. I hate that that damn bottle has such a hold on me. I hate the things it makes (allows) me to do and say - things I would not do or say if I was sober. I hate that I have hurt and disappointed my family over and over and over again. I am day 2 AF today and I plan on just taking it ODAT and NOT stopping at that damn liq store cause if its in the house I will drink it.

Ok whew I feel a little better getting some of this off my chest - I can't talk in meetings because its hard for me to talk to people I don't know. Here its all anonymous and I can sit in the comfort of my own home - does that make sense? Anyway thank you in advance for any words of encouragement that anyone may feel to give - this is a hard road but one that I know is worth it.

eace:

Pbear

[WA]

nothing else works

Hi pooh and welcome,stick with the site it was a great...sorry is a great site in helping me
Jacqui

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

nothing else works

Hi Joy! Welcome. I stopped drinking at the end of November, when I realized that I was doing things that I said I'd NEVER do.... like, drinking all night and then driving my son (still drunk) to school in the morning. "Falling Asleep" with a glass of red wine in my hand, only to wake up covered in merlot and PISSED that I spilled it! (No, I wasn't pissed that I passed out). Making promises to my son at night, i.e. "I'll pick you up after school", and then forgetting. So, my 10 year old is waiting for me and where am I ? 45 miles away. How motherly: who wants to nominate me for Mother of the Year? A bunch of little things kept nibbling away at my heart until I finally took charge and told the bottle to f&ck off. You'll have to decide when the time is right, are you at that point? You've managed to stay away for 2 days- that is an AWESOME accomplishment!

I've done a lot of reading about alcoholism- starting with the book here. Once I read that alcoholism is a biochemistry issue, and not a mental one, it was more acceptable for me to stop drinking. Have you ever been to "women for sobriety"'s website? They have some excellent affirmations that I started with. I put them in my own words, and posted them, along with pictures of my family, in strategic locations- like on my car visor, on the beer fridge, on the mirror, as a bookmark... so I remember why I can't drink today. (BTW, The one in the car has stopped many detours to Best Buy Liquors! ) Here are three inspiring thoughts, from my friends on this board, that I read everyday:
"Don't let a liquid take away from the person you are."

"I want to stay AF maybe forever, maybe not: I am not going to worry about that right now. Each day at a time. My story counts. I feel so good right now, waking up without a hangover and with a good conscience. It has been so wonderful and I am so proud of myself, I really feel like the real me is coming back and I like her."

"Hating yourself will get you nowhere, my friend. You are doing great with the prgram and yourself. THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. Learn from it and move on. It was a good lesson for your limitations. Now you know yourself that much better".
Joy, You have much to give to your family, and we share this journey. :heart:

[dexterhead]

nothing else works

Hi Pooh: I only have a minute, but I was told by a doc that mixingn Wellbutrin and booze can be really serious -? I don't mean to freak you out. I tried to get an Rx for that and when I admitted to my dr. that I was drinking too much, she wouldn't give it to me. I just want you to be safe. more later ..

[Croft]

nothing else works

I am here starting out just like you. Our local joint is called Liquor Mart.

I just told my husband last night that I joined this site and ordered a bunch of stuff. He is unmused about the credit card charges, but somewhat encouraging not to have to deal with my issue any more.

I so can relate to your sitch. Have had many similiar experiences. I am waiting for my stuff to come in hopes that I can do this. I have not even been able to go 2 full days AF. So you are already doing better than me. I went one day, sorta. So, good for you!!!

By they way, be careful. This site is an addiction itself. Although a more healthy addiction.

[lilnev]

nothing else works

Hi Poohbear,

Depression and alcohol abuse is a two-way street, and you'll find a lot of people around here who have struggled with both. For me, it was easier to tackle the depression first with citalopram (an SSRI). That got me feeling like I had the strength to tackle the booze.

In addition to the kudzu, I would strongly recommend a good multi-vitamin with plenty of B's, and a calcium/magnesium supplement. They're cheap, and they'll help get your body rebalanced.

I agree that the safety and anonymity of this site makes it easier to open up. Keep reading and posting, and know that you're not alone.

peace,
lilnev