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    New Here... and a little nervous

    Hi Everyone.
    I've been a heavy drinker for the past 13 years or so... I'm now 31 and ready to change. I started binge drinking at 17. HEAVY drinking on the weekends with my friends, etc.. ALWAYS to excess. I rarely drink every night NOW BUT did at one time (see ex marraige below). When I do drink It's frightening how many wine spritzers I can put away. Sadly, I have been drinking in some way, shape, or form since before I was even old enough or experienced enough to KNOW who I was so how will I recognize myself without the sauce??? I'm terrified that I won't be able to function socially without alcohol. Not that I socialize all that much anymore anyway... Cuts into my weekend drinking time... Can't drink that much around people that wouldn't understand. Gotta keep up appearances. LOL. As I'm writing this, I'm noticing how retarded that sounds. Funny, how rational some of these things sound in your head.

    I grew up with an emotionally and physically abusive step father and was molested by 2 DIFFERENT neighbors at a very young age. The first neighbor was a female and I was only 6 years old. The 2nd was male and I was 11. I imagine I started drinking to dull the pain caused by these traumatic events. I was also painfully shy & awkward growing up and I found that alcohol helped me to become BOLD... the "it" girl... At least in my own mind LOL. I shudder to think what I REALLY looked like staggering around acting like an ass-hat.

    I maried the first man to pay attention to me, my highschool sweetheart, when I was 22 y/o and he turned out to be a not so nice RAGING alcoholic. Actually, he and I started binge drinking TOGETHER at 17. His weekend drinking turned into nightly drinking. I slowly followed his example. After all, If you can't beat 'em Join 'em. We were together for 8 years, married for a hellish 4 most of which were spent indulging in nightly drink-athons and fighting. Separated and divorced 5 years ago... Water under the brindge. Got rid of the douche bag ex but not the juice.... I have since met and married the man of my dreams. Handsome, sexy, sweet as hell, supportive. My prince charming. We bought a beautiful home toghether approx 1 year ago.... This man absolutely ADORES me so WHY AM I STILL DRINKING? It's ridiculous. I have everything I've EVER dreamed of. Yet ,I still feel the need to drink. I would say my alcohol cravings are more due to HABIT, boredom and lonliness... prince charming works alot to pay for the beautiful home Amazingly enough, prince charming has only mentioned my drinking on ONE occassion after a pretty bad WEEK DAY bender which is not very common for me. He voiced his concern. I acknowledged said concern and continued on my merry way. He RARELY sees me drunk because he's typically sleeping by the time I stumble to bed on the weekends. The few times he HAS seen me drunk (not just tipsy) I can SEE the concern in his eyes.

    I'm very glad to have found this site because I recognized that I had a drinking problem many years ago (probably around the time I ditched the ex) BUT always felt like I would eventually grow out of it... Ahhhhh, the naitivity of youth. By the time I recognized that growing out of it didn't seem likely, I realized that AA was not for me. I'm a very private person as I imagine most problem drinkers are and am not fond of the emphasis AA places on religion. Feels good to know that I'm not the only one struggling. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. This having been said, I typically have no problem going 4 days without drinks. Thursday nights and Weekends seem to be my downfall.... I imagine since that's the time that I've ALWAYS boozed it up and HEAVILY at that. I can't even begin to think of other things to do on Fri & Sat nights... Sad really.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say Hi and introduce myself. Have a pleasant evening all!

    :new:

    #2
    New Here... and a little nervous

    I'm also new here

    Hi..yeah same for me. Have been drinking a long time and am ready to quit. I got some campral from the doctor and wondered if anyone there has given it a try. I did go for one week, but drank wine last night. I guess it doesn't totally take away the craving. Anyhow, glad to see there are some other newbies!

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      #3
      New Here... and a little nervous

      Newbies UNITE!

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        #4
        New Here... and a little nervous

        Welcome Ruby and Writeit, you will find that most people myself included
        have much in common with you.Keep reading and posting.
        Best of luck Paula.
        .

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          #5
          New Here... and a little nervous

          nice to meet you

          So nice to meet you. I have to say misery loves company and i don't feel so lonely when i hear all of theese stories. I also have always ,from the very first sip, been a heavy drinker -a binge drinker. I can put down vodka and club soda like i'm drinking water. however beer is my favorite. any kind. I love the pop of the can or the clink of the bottle. When i'm on a binge i'll wait for my husband(who also likes to drink) goes to sleep so i can sneak out of bed and drink more. So I know how you feel.

          Well Welcome

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            #6
            New Here... and a little nervous

            Ruby, Writeit, Croft and Jupiter

            I just want to say welcome to you all. This is a wonderful place. We all know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Although our stories may differ - we've all been there.

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              #7
              New Here... and a little nervous

              Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
              Goal 1: Today
              Goal 2: Tomorrow

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                #8
                New Here... and a little nervous

                new here too...

                been looking at the site and message boards for the past week or so and decided to log on. i too am tired of the daily drinking. my husband and i just got into the habit of putting away 2 - 3 bottles of wine a night. i have that social anxiety drinking issue. i get nervous about drinking when going out with friends and always need to have a drink or two before we head out.

                i'm not interested in a public program like AA so thought i'd try my hand here. my hubby and i actually working hard to chill on the drinking. been working out every day and not drinking during the week but i tend to think about drinking everyday.

                just looking to get healthy and enjoy all the good things in my life. i read a lot of the postings and was relieved to know that i'm not the only one out there feeling like i do.

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                  #9
                  New Here... and a little nervous

                  Thank you everyone for your support

                  I have a feeling that this is gonna be a Looonnnggg tough road and it scares me.

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                    #10
                    New Here... and a little nervous

                    Hi Newbies! am also rather a newby . .this is an amazing site .. welcome!!
                    :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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                      #11
                      New Here... and a little nervous

                      RubyRoo, you've been thru so much pain .. a lot of people here have had some painful experiences as kids, but abuse,espec sexual, is another story, god. BTW, there are some others on this site who've been abused as kids. I am so sorry and I'd like to beat up anyone who would harm a child ... please hang around:h :welcome:
                      :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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                        #12
                        New Here... and a little nervous

                        welcome to all of you!

                        I am also new here, and have found everyone to be incredibly knowledgable, compassionate, and supportive!
                        Stick around, read, post, and read some more!
                        Let's kick this thing, TOGETHER!
                        love and hugs,
                        K
                        Striving to live life without ALCOHOL

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                          #13
                          New Here... and a little nervous

                          RubyRoo,
                          I second dexterheads feelings on the abuse. I am sorry for how you have suffered. Take good care of YOU, and be gentle and forgiving with yourself...
                          good luck
                          K
                          Striving to live life without ALCOHOL

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                            #14
                            New Here... and a little nervous

                            I'm absolutely shocked at the amount of support I have received ALREADY from everyone on this site. It gives me tremendous hope for the future. I'm not certain what I expected but the warm welcome I have received far surpasses anything I had dared to imagine.

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                              #15
                              New Here... and a little nervous

                              Ruby ... you'll find the more you get involved, the better it gets!

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