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[daisy-doo]

Hi to you all. I have been coming on tis site on and off for a while . My normal pattern is i stop drinking for a while a few weeks or so then i convice myself I will be ok having a few drinks and most of the time I am but then wham somthing goes BANG in my head and i turn into a crazed foul mouth mean binge drinking drunk who will say anything to anybody even if it causes offence, i am abusive and down right ugly ! And i thought i would be ok ! so what is going on here for nearly 30 years i have been doing that destroyrd loads of relationsips and friendships along the way, but i just keep doing it why why why. So here i am back to day one again nursing a majore hangover getting the kids take away as i cant be bothered to cook, hating myself and wanting more than anything to be totally AF . So i would appreciate any words of advice and support you lovely people could
give me. Tried some of the meds they made me feel awful gooing to try somthing differant this time, kuzdu hopefully have no side effects and will give me that extra bit of support i need. But why oh why do i have to be like this its like a life sentance that you have to hide lied to my boyfriend about why i am off work did not want hin to know i was drunk last night as promised him i would cut down , feel awful lying to him he is a fantastic guy and deserves better than me . Anyway not going down the self pity road inward and upward Day 1 AF .

Hopefully hear from some of you and would really appreciate somebody to ride pillion with me and clock up the AF days together

[retteacher]

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For me, there is no moderation. I take one sip & I'm off & running. I know that AF has to be a lifestyle, but I have to take it one day at a time. When I start looking into the future wo/booze, I get discouraged. There is a good ODAT (one day at a time) thread on this newbie forum, & a daily thread on the 30 day abs forum that help me. All we can do is try to be there for each other.

Other than my usual daily vitamins, I don't take anything else in the way of supps. For me, it's all about self-control.

Hope this helps. Mary

[daisy-doo]

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thank you Mary thats the thing on here u are never alone because having a problem woth alcohol is a lonley place unless people have a problem themselves they very seldon understand and good luck with AF i agree it has to be a lifestyle

[retteacher]

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Daisy: Keep coming here to the newbie & the other forums...especially when you're craving a drink. M

[dexterhead]

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hi daisy, i'm where you're at, planning tonight to be AF, disgusted with myself etc . not feeling very hopeful but we can do this !!

[WA]

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Hi Daisy
You havnt given up trying that is the main thing....good luck i will think of you
Jacqui xxx

[Janice]

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Daisy, me too!! Since joining MWO last year I have had two really good spells of being AF, 42 days and 50+ Oct/November. Like you, I convince myself "I'll be okay this time, I'm in control, I am now a normal drinker and will commence drinking again!!!" Trouble is what we're doing is not normal is it? I would LOVE to be able to just drink on a weekend, sharing a bottle of wine with my husband who can happily go all week without a drink but loves his couple of glasses of white wine Fri, Sat, Sunday!! Me - its all or nothing! Today is my first AF day since the beginning of December, the amounts have gradually crept up and up whereby once again I find myself constantly thinking about drinking - how will I get that first drink, then, how will I get that top up without anyone noticing? How can I open a new box?? Last night I came on MWO and I was inspired all over again, it really is an amazing place with very special people from all corners of the world who share a common problem. So, today is my first day too. Lets get through it together Daisy, just take it one day at a time and not drink today eh?

Janicexxx

[jupiter]

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Hi Daisy, I just joined yesturday while i was feeling like a horrible mother b/c i was hungover. i told my daugthter i had the stomach flu. I haven't been able to drink moderately ever. but i still drink and still feel awful about it . and lay in bed all day

[daisy-doo]

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locked in a cage !!!!!

Thanks for everybodies replies.

We must be two of a kind jupiter been in bed all day today feeling awful told the kids i have got a migraine don't even want to talk to my partner when he called earlier, drinking in moderation for me goes out of the window at times and at other times its works for ages but i then live with the constant fear of the times when it does not and what i will say or do, I even lost my driving licence a couple of years ago and the experience of all that being locked in a cell over night and the whole horror story has not stopped me drinking . This really is an illness because surly only the sickest of people what go through that and still carry on doing it. But today is day 1 af , i am sick of living this life and i am the only one who has the key to this hellish cage that i am locked in . and i have known for a long time will never be truely happy untill i am af good luck to you x

[GottaChange]

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Gosh! Why are we all like this?

I guess for me one huge step was admiting that although I wished I was a moderate drinker, I really don't want to moderate. I mean it would be great it I was normal, but when I think about drinking I want to just sit and get drunk. Thinking about moderating makes me more anxious than having none.

So for me I am working on a lifestyle change of becoming a non-drinker. I am just skipping the whole moderating thing because I know I will fail. I am just not going to do that to myself.

As for the reasoning that so many of us think that we can commence drinking after a couple of days, weeks or months, I really don't know for a fact. But, my theory is that we have beat ourselves up and abused ourselves for so long that it is hard for us to accept the greatness and rewards of being AF. This may sound hokey and highbrow, but think about it.

How great do we feel when we are AF? I feel like they are the best days I have had in my life. But yet, I have been beating myself up for so long, these great days are out of my comfort zone. And, sickly enough, the panic of not drinking again sets in. In many ways we are self-saboteurs.

I am working on accepting that I desearve these great days and that the rest of my life can be this great.

One day at a time. HUGS!

-GTC

[tylyr]

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I've been coming here, and posting sometimes, for a while. This thread however really brings things home to me. I'm just the same, there are so many of us. I've gone for weeks AF, then think it's OK, then before long it's thinking about wine constantly, do I have tonight off etc. If I don't drink tonight then I can drink tomorrow etc etc. On and on it goes. It really is very waring. I've been AF through January, but had some glasses last Friday. I thought I may start again, but, this time I haven't. I haven't touched a drop all week. I hope that this might be it. I know that it's up to me, but Al is is like little man who sits on your shoulder isn't he! Like Retteacher, I can't think of a life without a glass of wine, but also, I'm afraid that I can't moderate. I'm concerned about my liver - not sure if I need be, I've never drunk myself silly. But it's so very tiring. Sorry to go on and on. Tylyr

[daisy-doo]

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thanks for that gota mate ! thing is if we treated other people they way we treat ourselves we would be up on an assault charge. Same for me moderation is a fantasy or just a graudual escalation back again to full blown drinking. I have treid to focus on all the things i can have food activities my physical well being i can walk talk etc and really the only thing i can'thave is alchol in the big picture can't be tha bad and totally agree af for me is great no hangover well too many no's to list but you guys know that list as well as me. And for me af will be great get my driving licence back soon ( yup drink driving worst experience of my life) so no more bus and train and i am not loosing that freedom again. anyway dinner beckones. And remember you do desere great days we all do

hugs 2 u 2 D D x