my past cant just let me go

[maasai]

i was born and raised into a familly destroyed by alcohol lost my parents due to alcohol as well, and i ended up being an alcoholic myself at an early age of 14.i have been into alcohol for six years and my life is in danger now, one of the major things which dropped me into alcohol and that kept me drinking was my past which really was harsh hard and sorrowfulll i started drinking to hide my pain but not knowing what i was putting myself into, i came to realise it with help from AA materials and now am 32 days sober. but regadless of not drinking i still cant forget and let go of my past it still haunting me every single hour minute and second, and just sometimes drop into sadness when chatting with friends, i avoid anyone who might remind me of my parents or past life and this seems to be taking away all my friends, this really scares me realy realy badly. i just dont know what to do. please help me someone :new:

[meditation mama]

my past cant just let me go

maasai

I am so sorry to hear of your parents. You have nothing to do with yoru parents actions, though. It was very unfortunate that you had to go through that and that it brought such pain, but you have your whole life ahead of you. We have to be sober to heal. Being numb, or drunk will only delay the pain, it does not make it go away. I can't imagine how it must hurt, but you are making a step in the right direction!

Are you saying you are haunted by your past life while you were drinking? We all are, that is for sure! We have ALL done very shameful things in our pasts. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of alcoholics on this earth that have done things that we regret. Things that are not our true nature. We have to know that this is not us, not our spirit. Alcohol is a drug. It makes you act differently, that is a scientific fact. it does for everyone, not just alcoholics. But for us, we take it to extrremes and then do things we normally wouldn't. So, know that, and now that you are not drinking you can make new friends with new memories.

Do you have an AA group you go to for support, or any other type of support group around you? We are here for you, Maasai. Please stay close and post a lot. There are a lot of very kind people that have gone through very similar situations to yours.

Congratulations on your 32 days, that is fantastic!

Namaste,

MM

[Cinders]

my past cant just let me go

Maasai,

It seems to me that you are actively doing something to stop the chain of alcoholism. That, in itself, is amazing. Be strong and stay the course.

As far as unable to deal with the past, that is totally understandable, you have given up the false god that was allowing you to avoid it.

It will take time for you to learn how to deal with that pain in the right way. Have no fear, you will get there and instead of avoiding it, you will be confronting it head on.

Be patient and take each day as it comes.

btw, :welcome: and glad you are here.

Love,
Cindi

[Lotus]

my past cant just let me go

Massai

Congrats on 32 day AF.

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment.

I was once told that the past can affect how we are today and our future and that is why it is necessary to deal with the past and have closure.

My parents disowned me 4 years ago and I found it very hard to accept, therefore I drank to blot out my feelings. However I felt that for me seeing a counsellor will help me deal with that part and problems I had in my childhood.

They say a problem shared is a problem halved....it does help letting it all out. You probably will benefit from talking to someone.

As mm said we are here if you ever need support.

Take care.

[hart]

my past cant just let me go

(((Maasai)))

I hear you hon. I had a difficult childhood too. My mom was an alcoholic, my dad beat me, an uncle molested me. Other shit happened too, of course. Many have worse stories. For instance, the country I live in, though imperfect, we don't have the chaosis you have, and don't see daily horrors.

But irregardless of our situations. Alcohol is an easy out....that will destroy our lives, eventually. Sure it feels good, at the time, sure it blurs the pain. But it doesn't change the past, does it? It doesn't make our pain go away forever. It doesn't make our reality any different, just harder to deal with.

I'm stumbling along myself. I had 34 days AF and now am on Day 3 AF. Probably will stumble again. But I'm trying (my hubby says VERY TRYING and as long as we strive and try, we'll get there. :l

[Thankful]

my past cant just let me go

Massai - welcome to our little family. I'm so sorry you endured such a hard life. People's pasts do shape who they are. It also shapes their future. You have decided that enough is enough and you want a better life. Your past has made you a strong and intelligent person with a lot of determination. You are very lucky. Yes, I said lucky! Many people out there choose the opposite way of life and let their horrible pasts shape them into a miserable, self pitying person. You chose the higher road and that is wonderful. You should be very proud of yourself.

It's hard to forget our pasts (mine was a harsh one as well), but I have that "screw it - life goes on" attitude about it. Is there anything about your parents that you can look back on and smile? One happy memoery that you can focus on? You are making postive steps for your future. You are still very young and you can be happy. It will take work. But it is attainable.

I would like to also point out that many of us have (and are still going through) some very emotional days since giving up the AL. The flood gates of emotion seem to be wide open and you are now facing feelings that you supressed for so long with alcohol. You have to face those feelings, deal with them and then hopefully heal. Do you think it would help to talk to a professional about your problems (instead of your friends)? Have you thought about writing out your feelings. Putting things down on paper can be very thereputic. Just get it out somehow. Even if you post here everyday about it. Get it out and let it go, hun.

We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

PS - Congratulations on your 32 days sober!! That is amazing and should definately put a smile on your face!

[Janice]

my past cant just let me go

Welcome Maasai - I'm pleased you've found us. Maasai I know what you mean about holding on to the past....I have been so close to going to see a councillor myself.

A few weeks ago, I bought a little book "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace" by Dr Wayne W. Dyer - don't know if you've heard of it. I can honestly say it has become my little bible!!! I keep it lying around and I'm always picking it up and reading bits out of it. There is a chapter "Fifth Secret" called "Give Up Your Personal History" which I think you will find helpful. I certainly have.

Just one eg, by holding on to our pasts Dr Dyer compares it to a speedboat zooming across the surface of the water - there's a white foamy froth behind called the wake of the boat. The wake is nothing more than the trail left behind. He asks the question "what is driving the boat?" and the answer of course is the energy generated by the engine which makes the boat move across the water. The wake cannot drive the boat or make it go forward - the wake is only the trail thats left behind. He suggests that we apply this idea to our life.....its absolutely impossible for that wake to drive you forward. The book is brilliant and I'm finding it so comforting...there's also a chapter "There are no justified Resentments".

Anyway, I won't babble on anymore but just to reinforce what the others have said and that we are here for you.....

Janicexxxx

[Croft]

my past cant just let me go

Jambo!

Habari yako!

Hang in there. Dealing with life, past, present and future can be very hard. Good for you for taking the time to figure out how to get better.

Bahati Njema Rafiki