Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

[MissMe]

Hi guys, me again. I am so very glad for this site because since the experience I had last night I have not been able to speak to anyone about this. I have been desperate to find a good therapist where I live (NYC) and finally got SO desperate that I called a program called Employee Assistance Plan which the company I work for pays for. I used it when working for another company about 20 years ago and it was okay. Anyway, long story short, I did the quintesenntial STUPID STUPID thing. I was honest about my drinking. So the "counselor" they set me up with who is responsible for finding a suitable therapist for me instantly had me "pegged" as a "user". But what's worse is that I think I started to have a breakdown on the way to the appointment. I say "I think" because I have no prior experience of this. I started getting teary and weepy on the way to the appointment (not a great look for the subway, ladies, let me tell you!) and by the time I made it to the appointment I was weeping uncontrollably and barely able to put a sentence together. So, armed with the "history" I blabbed over the phone, the first thing this "mental health professional" asks me is, "Does your drinking interfere with your work?" First words out of her mouth. Swear to God. I am weeping uncontrollably and these are her first words to me. And I hadn't had a drink in 5 days! Well, this post is already too long, but you get the picture. It just went downhill from there. All the way down to the insistence that I will never overcome my "problem" until I go to AA. Like I've never heard THAT before. I am so livid about this experience!!! Thanks for listening out there. I just had to get it off my chest.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Ninja Lush,
I know you've been around here, but was your call with this lady the first time that you stated "I quit drinking" or "I need help"......??


I went a whole month and didn't really tell anyone, just my husband one night, and he's never really asked me, "So, how goes the non-drinking dear?" So when I finally told my sister, I was crying like I was hysterical- bawling like a 14 year old that was told she couldn't go to her friend's party, with snot running out of my nose, and doing the sniffling between breaths thing. Really- the most hysterical I've ever been.

So, either it's normal, or we're both crazy. Pick one.

P.S... Did this chick really INSIST that you need to go to AA?
Man, I think she must have had one of those fancy troubleshooting checklists with the arrows telling her what questions to ask, and what the solution is supposed to be.

Don't worry. Be happy.

[Victory]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

My ears are not pots to piss in

Hi ya ninja, yep been there done that and don?t trust any professionals anymore. Was a professional myself but my ears are not pots to piss in. Meaning I could listen and not do the ?Instant Label? thing. Sometimes tears are necessary, but am a hypocrite cos fight the tears when they come. Stay away from this woman or get a really negative report, which may be shown, to employer. Sorry if that scares you.
:h

[MissMe]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

No, calculated risk. And of course they SWEAR it's all 110% confidential.

[Finding My Self]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Ninja - aw....first a hug.... You were massive in that paragraph and the woman tiny.....your courage to face and following (possibly resultant) tears....those tears did more healing than weeks with a woman with, as Patty said, Mrs.Tick-Box preferences.....

5 days = blooming FAB!! And I was crying buckets at 5 days.....weeping, anxious, angry, gentle, laughing, weeping, sobbing, angry......and all those in the space of 3 minutes!

You must do what you must do, but IMHO, stay here, don't do AA - yet anyway; it'll always be there - post, post, post, read, read, read and "When the student is willing, the teacher appears".....the right therapist/counsellor will appear right there when the time is right...

I wish you so much luck.....you did a really brave and positive thing....remember that and let this woman's insensitivities drop away in your mind.... let MWO help you find Your Way Out.

Hugs - lots of them.
FMS xx

[magic]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Hey NL

Welcome. Congratulations on five days AF!

I admit to being completely ignorant as to how things work in the US as to how you guys access health care but can you be referred to a therapist by your GP?

I know you can get into trouble with insurance and such if you admit to drinking too much but how do you get the help you need if you can't be honest? Especially with yourself.

I recall sobbing my heart out when I first admitted to my GP that I need help. It was a release of sorts, hiding it all those years had taken its toll. It was time it "give it up" and let it go.
I don't think you're having a breakdown, I hope you're "on your way".

"You'll never get better with out AA" is pretty standard stuff, it's in the textbooks.

It's on her check list along with "does drinking interfere with your work?"

I'm glad you got it off your chest and I hope you can find someone else to help you.

Again welcome. I'm glad you're here.

magic xx

[memarcie]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Sorry about your experience with the counselor Ninja. Most I have talked to in the past(and I wasn't even honest ) about my drinking were the same way. My PCP was great and although she did talk suggest AA, she also read the MWO materials I gave her and was open to me exploring this as a solution. I also met with a psychiatrist who also never pushed AA one bit. It sucks to have to see several people before you find the right one, but keep trying and you will find a counselor that works! I didn't like my EAP I tried a couple years ago as well.

[MissMe]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Thanks for all the kind words of support. This is not a new thing, my love affair with wine and trying, yet again, to break things off - or at least "just be friends". And my Interist did suggest people, as did my OB-GYN, and my Pulminologist. All great referrals, none on my insurance plan. I know the right one will come along. Thanks again, everyone.

[dexterhead]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Ninja: that SUCKS. I had a kinda similar experience. A few years ago when my marriage was blowing up, I was seeing a therapist and I confessed to her that I was drinking a lot. She suggested that I try this outpatient program. So I had to go to this creepy place with a lot of locks on the doors and be "assessed" by this despiccable woman who did not have one single iota of compassion. She must have got some sort of degree in substance abuse because she knew nothing other than the health field's cliches. She "diagnosed" me, told me glibly that I was "an alcoholic." Intensely judgmental tone throughout; I felt like a naughty child. So I had to go to these worthless group things for several weeks. After that was done, there was another thing I was scheduled to start, but I didn't go back because it was so worthless and was not helping me. A week or so later, I received this creepy letter from this "counselor," in which she spelled a bunch of words wrong but was so patronizing, bordering on threatening that if I didn't come back and be "helped", such dire consequences might ensue. I was just thinking about that today actually. It makes me so mad, I was actually thinking of sending them a bitchy letter ...

[MissMe]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Oh, yeah, and the best part about the whole thing is that when this "counselor" first contacted me for an apointment (I called the EAP number, blabbed to them, then they had this witch call me to make an apointment to see her) - so she leaves me this message saying "I'm so-and-so and I have an opening at 6:30 on Thursday and here's my number". Never tells me what the name of the organization is AND never gives me the address, either! Then when I finally got her on the phone to get the address for the appointment, she actually gave me the wrong address and bad directions! This is New York City, people! I mean, come on! Oh- there i go again. Sorry. Anyway, I'm kinda glad I have that to officially complain about if I want. It's actually kind of amusing.

[poohbear]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

I can so totally relate - I have gone through a30 day IP rehab once and outpt reh twice all in an effort to stop drinking. All a total waste of time - as I am still drinking. So I sit here and wonder is it me? or is it the programs out there? All I know is none of the well meaning health professionals ever worked for me either. What always got me was the fact that if you slip you have to start ALL over AND if you use ANY type of narcotic pain reliever even IF your doctor prescribed it for you - it was a big NONO. Ok so is one supposed to suffer in pain?????? Oh yea those are triggers - that's what I was told. Ok I digress - sorry I went off on a tangent there.

Sorry you had a bad experience but hurray for you for having the courage to try - it takes HUGE guts to pick up that phone to call someone for help and I so hope this does not deter you from ever asking for help again. You will find the right person - she was just not it.

[down2earth]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

NinjaLush,
I am so SO sorry for your experience. I did a stint at AA, made it 30 days while attending, then another 47 days on my own. and I feel like AA (at lest the group I belonged to) was set up to make me feel depressed, scummy and worthless. The 47 days I was by myself I felt more alive and worthy of enjoying myself. However AA made me feel every moment MUST be consumed with depression and suffering.

This environment won't ever make you feel bad. I'm just starting out, and haven't really started the program, but this arena has been WAY more helpful than any AA meeting.

Best of luck,
D2E

[Croft]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

This is a very sad story and exactly why I am using this site instead of a therapist. I did try a therapist and she was great. But it costs a fortune!

On this site, I get compassion, comradery and inspiration. And I get to order my drugs over the internet.

Stay with us. We are here for you with no teary train rides and all the support that we can muster.

[greeneyes]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

Awwww, ninja. To reach for help and gelt slapped on the hand. By a seemingly incompetent counselor. How awful. Not everyone is like that. I find that addiction specialists are few and far between. I finally found one who has been there, done that. Knows what it's like on a personal level. Respects my privacy issues as well. There are some out there. I was lucky to only make a couple phone calls to find this person. Put that thought out to the universe and you can be guided there. Pay attention though! Good luck.

[nancy]

Well-Meaning Mental Health Professionals

boy it seems like you had a tough time with this counselor

one thing that did occur to me, I wonder if information given on voicemail was light to protect privacy. i don't know if your phone is shared but some psychological professionals are careful when leaving messages with a new client on voicemail. so in that sense, it is better if they are vague on messages, don't give the name of the organization etc.

There have been discussions elsewhere on this site about involving medical professionals on the record. I think if you have a severe problem that is wise to get the right care, for example, if you have DTs. but, if you have a moderate problem, functional alcoholic, and don't have severe withdrawal symptoms when you stop as most of us here do not experience, i don't see the point of spilling it if doctors just offer AA. So it goes on your record and you get referred to a program you don't like? No thanks!

I think you should tell her thanks and you are working on it and don't go back again.
Find a private counselor.