Just reading some posts and got to thinking, why? why do I drink. I think one of the reasons is not to feel, because when I drink it makes me feel numb and I liked that feeling, but I don't know why I should want to feel numb, as life is not so bad, now I have not drank for a little while. I do feel quite miserable a lot of the time, but its early days yet, so what if I am, people still like me, want to be with me, care about me, love me. Maybe it's something about self esteem and needing to feel different to who I really am, as though who I really am is not good enough?
And then there's this fear of being alone, of being abandoned, of rejection by people, of having no-one, or nothing, and the frightening worry of that, because I isolated myself from people in the past a long time ago and it was a terrible place to be, alone with my inner turmoil. But that was then and this is now, and I'm ok, and will be ok, somehow I just know, I'll not go back to those feelings because I like other people and need other people.
Really, thinking about it, when I'm drinking, I worry so much about drinking, that I was almost back there anyway, and by trying not to drink, at least I'm not feeling ashamed and guilty all the time.
Just trying to work things through
Geordiegirl
And then there's this fear of being alone, of being abandoned, of rejection by people, of having no-one, or nothing, and the frightening worry of that, because I isolated myself from people in the past a long time ago and it was a terrible place to be, alone with my inner turmoil. But that was then and this is now, and I'm ok, and will be ok, somehow I just know, I'll not go back to those feelings because I like other people and need other people.
Really, thinking about it, when I'm drinking, I worry so much about drinking, that I was almost back there anyway, and by trying not to drink, at least I'm not feeling ashamed and guilty all the time.
Just trying to work things through
Geordiegirl
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