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A Day in the Life

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    A Day in the Life

    I have been noting lately how silly my life has become. (It is getting better, slowly, but still). Every Monday morning I wake up and wait for the house to empty of the people who cannot know that I need a swig soon. Once the house is empty (I check to ensure the cars have actually left the premises) I go find the key to the liquor cabinet (we have a teenager in the house). I open the cabinet slowly and scout out all the bottles in search of something to mix with my juice, or coffee, or maybe I will have a diet coke and rum this morning. Sheryl Crow sings about a good beer buzz early in the morning, while someone washes their car and peels labels off of bottles of bud. So maybe beer this morning. I take my shower with chosen beverage in hand, blow dry my hair; carry my bottle of bud to the closet to get dressed. Carry it back to brush my teeth, Really, Croft.

    It is now getting closer to time to go to work and I am on my second helping. I decide that I will only have one more and grab another bottle for the road, lock the cabinet back up and get in the car. On the way to work I decide that I will stop at the liquor store so that I can replenish the cabinet so no one will find out what is missing. Of course I have only had 3 beers and I buy a 6-pack. That leaves 3 beers with no home. We can?t have that. IT would not be fair to the other 3 beers if they had no home. Why not just have one more while I listen to the ?Rest of the Story?. Now it is ten o?clock. I have a meeting at 11:30, so I have to be in at least by then. And I am not totally buzzed. One more drink won?t hurt, then I will pick up lunch at a drive-thru ? I am buzzed as hell at this point and craving Taco Bell. Extra hot sauce please? ?Do you want anything to drink??, they ask. ?No, I am good with the drink.?

    On the way home from work, I finish the 3rd beer and sneak into my house to hide the other 3 in the liquor cabinet. Then I get back in the car, drive to the liquor store and buy more. I drink this while I look for a dumpster, somewhat out of site to deposit my empties.

    This routine continues along these lines for the rest of the week. Then I have the nerve to talk about a hard week at work and needing an adult beverage on Friday night. Maybe more than one. And Saturday is a day off. And Sunday is my last opportunity to have fun before Monday morning comes again.

    It is getting better. I have gone well into the afternoon AF a few times now. I have been able to stop after 2 a few times now. But I still have days. I am trying so hard not to finish the Monday that started today. I am 2 drinks in and sitting at work trying not to go to lunch. If I leave it will be all over. If I get in that car, I will go to the liquor store.

    The supplements help but they are wearing off. I could take more but I am already struggling to choke down the current dose of gigantic pills from hell. Now I am hoping the Topo arrives soon. I am hoping that it will finally be the magic thing that helps me get this under control.

    And then I remind myself that I have made progress. Maybe today is not the day. Maybe I need a day of rest??.well, would you look at that ? rationalizing???I just caught myself rationalizing. I just hope I can get through the rest of the day without drinking too much more.

    #2
    A Day in the Life

    I know Topo is supposed to be pretty strong or whatever (its a scrip after all) but have you tried Kudzu? There were times when I had a drinking pattern similar to you, maybe a little more actually, and Kudzu put a stop to it all for me. For a natural supplement that stuff is nuts! I'm on day 22 AF my first go around with Kudzu and Kudzu only.

    At any rate at least you're improving. Shit at least you're doing something, actually taking action so you're on the right track.

    Keep at it, you'll get there if you want it. Best of luck.

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      #3
      A Day in the Life

      hi there..well you are getting closer so good luck. try none tom .but hey we do try that all that counts..ODAT.
      :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
      best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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        #4
        A Day in the Life

        I think every little step you take is a great one. I use to drink in the mornings, and would find ways to drink during the day - even when I was working. I certainly don't miss those days for the life of me. It took a lot of hard work, but I honestly believe if you want something bad enough, it will come.

        I can say that I am far from perfect, and over indulge once in a while. I am still working on me, and I think for all of us here, any effort, is a great effort!

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          #5
          A Day in the Life

          Croft, you are here, and that is a huge accomplishment. You are an inspiration to me, and I always get such a kick out of what you write. too funny.

          you're stories remind me so much of what I do, only drink vodka.
          Ha ha this one time I had cleaned out all the vodka at my mother's house and then filled it back up with water, thinking I could replace the vodka be fore she noticed.not to smart considering she stores her vodka in the freezer.
          sigpic

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            #6
            A Day in the Life

            Croft, you have taken the time to reflect on your drinking behavior.that is good. You have accounted for your drinks. Each time you have one less that is a good thing, Each time you get past a certain hour that is a good thing. hang in there. I care rudemama

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              #7
              A Day in the Life

              down 2 earth yeah i too made the frozen h2o mistake duh

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                #8
                A Day in the Life

                Hi Croft!

                I sit here struggling with you. Know that you are not alone. I pray we both can escape this craziness. I hate the control that alcohol has over me. I want a do-over where I would never get to this place to begin with.

                My thoughts are with you...

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                  #9
                  A Day in the Life

                  takeheart, I too sometimes want to call a do-over! but if I did that I wouldn't be able to learn from my mistakes, all 1 million of them! Let's be happy for the lives we have and the steps we are taking to better them. Just being on here shows a step in the right direction!

                  Hang in there! We are all in this together!
                  sigpic

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                    #10
                    A Day in the Life

                    rudemama!frozen h20, god that was embarrassing, then I have the nerve to blame it on her!
                    sigpic

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                      #11
                      A Day in the Life

                      Hang in there Croft. For me, a lot of my drinking is based on habit (of course I like the buzz too), but really a lot of it is I do it because I am so used to doing it. What the hell do I do otherwise? I know that you have begun to break some of those habits, like wating until the afternoon. Why not try to break a new one every couple of days?

                      This is not a judgement at all (because I have), but why don't you start by not drinking on your commute? Then when you feel comfortable breaking that, you can add one more to the chain.
                      Goal 1: Today
                      Goal 2: Tomorrow

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                        #12
                        A Day in the Life

                        Are we twins separated at birth?
                        sigpic
                        Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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                          #13
                          A Day in the Life

                          croft, i hear you are struggling. but you are soo funny. i enjoy reading your entries. they keep my spirits up. and a little step forward is better than no steps at all.

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                            #14
                            A Day in the Life

                            "I heard the news today, oh boy " .. sorry ,the Beatles , "a Day in the Life" (I think)? Croft you are damned hilarious as always!!!!
                            But seriously, you are so right, it's baby steps, baby steps, at least for a lot of us. I had a Friday and Saturday night sober, truly momentous event. But what did I do last night and tonight but buy a bottle. I think I am first going to try for 7 days AF. I gotta do this, I am BROKEuch: :argh: :argh:
                            :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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                              #15
                              A Day in the Life

                              I am thinking about putting 10 bucks in a jar everytime I successfully resist the urge to go to the liquor store. I will be rich in no time.

                              Thanks so much for all the encouraging comments. Today is a much better day. I am at work already and have not drank. If I can manage to stay here until 5 I will be good until then.

                              And THANKS so much to a very special MWO member mn_mom who got me through the lunch hour yesterday! I still drank later in the day, but not nearly as much as I was joneses for.

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