It is now getting closer to time to go to work and I am on my second helping. I decide that I will only have one more and grab another bottle for the road, lock the cabinet back up and get in the car. On the way to work I decide that I will stop at the liquor store so that I can replenish the cabinet so no one will find out what is missing. Of course I have only had 3 beers and I buy a 6-pack. That leaves 3 beers with no home. We can?t have that. IT would not be fair to the other 3 beers if they had no home. Why not just have one more while I listen to the ?Rest of the Story?. Now it is ten o?clock. I have a meeting at 11:30, so I have to be in at least by then. And I am not totally buzzed. One more drink won?t hurt, then I will pick up lunch at a drive-thru ? I am buzzed as hell at this point and craving Taco Bell. Extra hot sauce please? ?Do you want anything to drink??, they ask. ?No, I am good with the drink.?
On the way home from work, I finish the 3rd beer and sneak into my house to hide the other 3 in the liquor cabinet. Then I get back in the car, drive to the liquor store and buy more. I drink this while I look for a dumpster, somewhat out of site to deposit my empties.
This routine continues along these lines for the rest of the week. Then I have the nerve to talk about a hard week at work and needing an adult beverage on Friday night. Maybe more than one. And Saturday is a day off. And Sunday is my last opportunity to have fun before Monday morning comes again.
It is getting better. I have gone well into the afternoon AF a few times now. I have been able to stop after 2 a few times now. But I still have days. I am trying so hard not to finish the Monday that started today. I am 2 drinks in and sitting at work trying not to go to lunch. If I leave it will be all over. If I get in that car, I will go to the liquor store.
The supplements help but they are wearing off. I could take more but I am already struggling to choke down the current dose of gigantic pills from hell. Now I am hoping the Topo arrives soon. I am hoping that it will finally be the magic thing that helps me get this under control.
And then I remind myself that I have made progress. Maybe today is not the day. Maybe I need a day of rest??.well, would you look at that ? rationalizing???I just caught myself rationalizing. I just hope I can get through the rest of the day without drinking too much more.
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