Rock bottom

[geordiegirl]

Rock bottom

Hi Thankfull
I know where you are coming from with what you say, and you are right. His self esteem is something he has to work out. I have enough to do with working through my drinking issues. I know what Im doing is the right thing in the long run, its just the short term effects that are pretty tough right now.
Thanks for your kind words

Geo

[geordiegirl]

Rock bottom

Thank you Accountable to me

:thanks: Hi, and thank you so much for your empathic response to my situation. It is comforting to know that someone out there understands what Im feeling and has experience of a similar situation. Its so hard to be loving and suportive to someone who is in the grip of drinking and all the paranoia that goes with it. He is so negative, and I suspect that there has been an increase in consumption since all this. When he's not drinking, he's really down and its hard. I can understand anyone leaving. Im trying to keep communication going, trying to be positive in the face of negativity. Im getting a lot of support from the people I have met at AAmeetings which I'm going to, I know its not everyones 'cup of tea' but its working right now for me and Im determined that Im going to get myself right above everything else, as my Dad said to me, 'this is your life' and I want to live it without the fear, shame and self hate that drinking brings. I just really know that thats what I want now. Thanks again, any more advise if you felt like giving it would be great.

Geordiegirl

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

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Geordie- I can relate. I didn't ask my husband permission to quit drinking- I just did it. And for 2 months, he NEVER even addressed it- didn't ask me if I wanted a beer, but didn't ask me how I was doing with not drinking, either. There's a part of me that wishes my husband was like yours- out in the open about his feelings, and letting you know that seeing you change worries him.

Two nights ago, I asked my husband WHY he's been so quiet, and he simply said that he didn't know what to say. I asked him if he would stop drinking, and he said he would try. He lasted one day, and cracked open a beer this afternoon when we were done with yardwork (tradition- btw- I cracked open a Clausthaler AF, too).

Be grateful that he's willing to talk to you.... but can I suggest one thing? When two people are both going AF together, it's the common denominator, and an easy topic to embrace in conversation. I think there's a happy medium between my husband (says nothing at all) and yours (paranoid and negative).... maybe you and your husband can try to find that happy medium? As you work to get yourself right~ stay here, go to AA meetings, but then go home without AL- leave the topic outside the door. Greet him with the happy shiny (and sober eyes), and share some of that positive energy....

He's not going to ask WHY are you so happy- he knows. He's afraid of losing you because you'll grow apart, but that doesn't have to happen. To think that you'll no longer be drinking can make him feel isolated, but you can show him through your positive energy that there is life beyond the bottle. :heart:

[Accountable for Me]

Rock bottom

geordiegirl;265880 wrote: :thanks: Hi, and thank you so much for your empathic response to my situation. It is comforting to know that someone out there understands what Im feeling and has experience of a similar situation. Its so hard to be loving and suportive to someone who is in the grip of drinking and all the paranoia that goes with it. He is so negative, and I suspect that there has been an increase in consumption since all this. When he's not drinking, he's really down and its hard. I can understand anyone leaving. Im trying to keep communication going, trying to be positive in the face of negativity. Im getting a lot of support from the people I have met at AAmeetings which I'm going to, I know its not everyones 'cup of tea' but its working right now for me and Im determined that Im going to get myself right above everything else, as my Dad said to me, 'this is your life' and I want to live it without the fear, shame and self hate that drinking brings. I just really know that thats what I want now. Thanks again, any more advise if you felt like giving it would be great.

Geordiegirl

You hit the nail right on the head whene you quoted your dad: "this is your life". Wise father you have - and he is soooo very right. You can't lose yourself trying to save him. You deserve to be happy and healthy and it is you that can only do this for yourself.

Sometimes we need to step away to gain perspective on our own lives. He is not going to change because you want him to change. He has to want to change. Something that I had learned.

You are a smart woman, and trust me, just keep doing what is right for you. Keep going to those AA meetings and start surrounding yourself with POSITIVE people. Once you start to get your self esteem back you will know what to do.

I completely understand what you are going through.

[brooklyngirl]

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Hi everyone, I have been AF for 14 days today. The first week was the hardest, however sundays are my evenings to have some wine and watch desperate housewives. I can only hope its a repeat to I can get to bed early.

[Accountable for Me]

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brooklyn girl - way to go on your 14 days!!!

[dexterhead]

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Yay Brooklyn Girl! I think DH was a repeat due to the writers strike the Super bowl. hope to hear more from you, BG.

[livingfree]

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Keep talking in out

georgie girl - this is a great place to talk your frustrations out. Keep pouring your heart out - it helps to sort it out. Just remember when you are early in a recovery program - don't make any life changing decisions unless your life is in danger. You have plenty of time to make those choices - but you should lay down the rules of what you will tolerate, and what you won't. Then stick with them. I am proud of you.

brooklyn girl - Way to go!! Congrats :huggy

[brooklyngirl]

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My story is like everyone else. I work too much, give too much of myself to my husband and kids. My time was wasted by getting drunk. Either I would down a six pack or a bottle of wine as I was cooking. This has been going on for about 3years. I was able to beat drug addiction 12 years ago. Surly I can beat this. I have run out of excuse as to why mommy is passed out on the couch....or has slept in her cloths again. My husband is at his last straw with me. He wants me to check myself into a hospital. I don't feel I can do that and be away from my 5yr old. I have been 14 days AF. I have gotten rid of any alcohol in my house. I just want you all to know I'm doing this on my own....no meeting....no support from my family....can't really tell my co-workers about this problem. Just wanted to say thanks for the support.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

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Hi BrooklynGirl-
You have remarkable strength... and you ARE finding your way out. :thumbsup: Congratulations! I've never been to a meeting either, and while my husband, kids and one sister know that I haven't been drinking, I haven't 'fessed up to my 5 other brothers/sisters, nor to my parents either.

I'd really recommend getting a Vitamin B Complex supplement at your local superstore/pharmacy... they will help restore lost nutrients.