Anybody else get up in the AM and feel like they live in squalor? I read that with AL w/drawal it's not a good time to separate, change jobs, etc. I'm still drinking, hubby has drug issue and has never really participates in household things. I feel like I'm drowning. Yesterday I looked around and I felt like I live with an undisciplined teenage boy. Actually I'm shutting down bit by bit. Maybe two people with addictions should not live together. I love him dearly but this life has got to change. I know I have to fix me first, but can I do it here? Addiction therapist says go away for a bit. But I'm scared. And there's the financial part too. Anybody have advice?
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should I stay or go?
holy shit. Sorry I am not good at advice like this. But your therapist sounds reasonable. What is your financial situation? Can you afford to leave? If so, I think that it is a good idea. Especially if you feel strong enough to go it alone. It also depends on how alcohol-dependent you are. Can you get through a day without? If so, you have a good starting point. Sorry I am not of more help. Others will come with better advice.Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005
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should I stay or go?
Hi Greeneyes, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I don't think I would have been able to get this far (14 days) if my husband had a problem too. Its funny because I always thought he had an alcohol problem too, but when I gave it up, he gave it up too. He drinks a little now and sometimes I feel cravings when he does, but because its so rare, it hasn't been a problem. If he was drinking a lot, I think I would have given up already. That being said, its really hard to move on from a familiar situation, but if there is any way you can my gut tells me you should try. When the behavior is in your face, its so hard to change. It's so hard to change no matter what. Good luck and know that we are here no matter what you decide. - TrueIt's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightening out to do. And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I've got to get a move on with my life.
It's time to be a big girl now....Comment
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should I stay or go?
I read your post and sent you a private maessage. I could have written your post myself.Comment
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should I stay or go?
So lets say for the sake of conversation that I go. I'm not in real good shape with alcohol abuse. Hubby cannot be trusted with money nor is competent with finances. That means I'd have to handle even more. I'm afraid I will drink even more with the additional stress. Lord, let the CDs and kudzu work. Financially? I could piss away my savings on rent and my own bills, etc.....surely I can be stronger than that?sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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should I stay or go?
AND.... the house is in my name and you can get a divorce based on alcoholism in a heartbeat. So if I toss him out I have to blow the whistle on his problem and really don't want to do that.sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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should I stay or go?
this is a toughie Green. I know there are a bunch of people on this site in somewhat same situation. I hope they will respond. me, i was the only lush in my marriage.
:boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!Comment
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should I stay or go?
wait, you're not in a no-fault state? i thought most states were ...:boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!Comment
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should I stay or go?
Hi Green, am so sorry to hear about your situation. The first thing I would do is this: before you add any additional stress/ambiguity in your life, get yourself healthy and sober first. Above all else do that. Once your body is in better balance, you will feel better all around and much more capable of making some serious decisions or compromises. Please do that first, take care of yourself first, and visit here often. Take good care, jCuckoo for Cocoa Puff!!!Comment
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should I stay or go?
yes... I think I must. I feel like we're going down in flames and I've always been the strong. one. Time for the "big girl pants". I hope I can do it.sigpic
Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUTComment
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should I stay or go?
Hi greeneyes.... Reading your post brings back a very recent, raw feeling for me.. I know that feeling very well. Not knowing if I should stay or go. I am now separated 5 weeks. i really didn't plan to do one or the other, separtate or AF, they both just happened. I couldn't take either any longer. "I" was dying inside. Something HAD to change. I did know one thing for sure, I drank with my husband. He drank. It was hard for me to stay AF with him. He was always there ready for me to drink again. He would never admit this, but it is true, I have 8 years to prove that. He has been gone for 5 weeks and Ihave been AF for 4 weeks - 30 days tomorrow. So, for me, it was the right thing to do. I had to free myself from outside influences. I had to get myself in a healthy environment to quit. There is no question in my mind. I know what you mean when you say you feeel like you are drowning. I felt like I couldn't breathe... I was sufficating... I can breathe now. I had a lot of support to do this. My therapist, friends, and my own detirmination to be free. There are many times in our lives that baby steps are the best way to go, but sometimes we need to take really big ones. If you do, make sure you have support. We are here, but make sure you have people around you...
Stay in touch!
Good luck! I will be thinking of you and sending you strength.
MMFace your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.Comment
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should I stay or go?
I know how you feel, Green... when I was downing the VMs like tomorrow wouldn't show up, my house was a pig sty... I had to hire a housekeeper and in between her visits, I still couldn't keep the place together.greeneyes;265812 wrote: Anybody else get up in the AM and feel like they live in squalor? I read that with AL w/drawal it's not a good time to separate, change jobs, etc. I'm still drinking, hubby has drug issue and has never really participates in household things. I feel like I'm drowning. Yesterday I looked around and I felt like I live with an undisciplined teenage boy. Actually I'm shutting down bit by bit. Maybe two people with addictions should not live together. I love him dearly but this life has got to change. I know I have to fix me first, but can I do it here? Addiction therapist says go away for a bit. But I'm scared. And there's the financial part too. Anybody have advice?
After the fiasco on Wednesday, I came home from the hospital to a clean apartment and since I'm not drinking, I've been able to maintain it. I'm actually washing dishes as I use them and not leaving them for the maid to come and clean in two weeks. Big improvement!
Most people can't afford to leave a spouse. Addictions or otherwise. If you feel you can "moderate" and pick up the place, that may be helpful. It's too bad you'll have to clean up after hubby, but he has an illness just as you do and unfortunately an unclean house is part of the territory.
Let us know how it goes.Comment
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should I stay or go?
toes with smiley faces - so sorry that you are in this space. I wish I had advice to give you. Not sure if beign AF first is the right thing to do or if leaving the hubby now is the right thing to do. I am not therapist or life coach. But I am thinking of you and wishing that all things work out in the right way for you.Comment
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should I stay or go?
Greeneyes,
I dont really have any advice just sympathy. I am kind of going through the same thing but not for the same reasons. My husband does not drink or have any of THOSE kinds of addictive behaviors - he just has other stuff. He does not help out around the house and I have to beg and nag him to fix anything that is broke. Also he just recently got fired from his job for poor performance so I am battling that. I feel like I have another child with him. I dont want to go into my problems, just want to tell you that I understand and I am in the same boat. I am contemplated, do I stay or do I go. Some my find my reasons superficial but they are real to me. The decision is not any easy one or one to take lightly and if only we could see into some kind of distant future to know WHAT exactly are we supposed to do???? That would be nice huh??? Best wishes to you and please let us know what you decide to do
prayers to you
Pbearwhen you fail at something is when you learn and grow the mostComment
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should I stay or go?
Your story was my story.
My husband and I are both addicts. Both alcoholics and he likes his pot. I sobered up, and he did not. He wasn't ready. It caused a lot of grief for me and I shut completely down and was absolutely miserable.
I left him twice in a year. The last time was in November. He started to work on himself and I plugged away on my new life.
I am back with him now. Very recent - only a week. We would of been a part longer I believe, if my circumstances were different. BUT - seeing a change in him makes me hopeful that our family will rise above all of this crap brought forth by our addictions.
Sometimes it is GOOD to leave a situation to give you some perspective. Especially if you are not happy, healthy and have the same goals in life.
YOU come first. You are responsible for your own happiness, health, etc.
I wish you strength. IT is so hard to make decisions as big as this.Comment
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