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    #106
    Bad Gas and Good Dreams

    greeneyes;267872 wrote: We ain't done yet, dexterhead. I had a fart machine that was operated by a remote. I lent it to somebody and don't know where it is but I want it back. Dinner. I tape it under my mother's chair (where I graciously tell her to sit) and she would always say the blessing. I press the remote in the middle of the blessing and with bowed head sneak a peek. Nothing. I'm not satisfied so I press again. And agin. So this little thing has several different fart sounds, not just same ole, same ole. Getting results now. Hubby kicking me under the table, eyes darting, dog getting nervous. And yes, it is Christmas. And I make eye contact with mom and point at hubby. She raises eybrows because she thinks it's the dog. And lord help me I started laughing so hard my head hit the plate. Other guests are looking stunned, but managed to eat anyway. Got me out of doing Christmas dinner again.
    Holy Crap, that is hysterical! I need that gizmo!
    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
    - George Jackson

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      #107
      Bad Gas and Good Dreams

      This thread is legend.

      Me aand hubbo blame the cat that used to wander into our old house. He was called Kylie (After the singer Kylie Minogue-we didn't realise it was a boy cat) So every time I fart now a say out of habit 'Kylie!'
      It takes a bit of explaining if I say it in front of other people. Which I do quite often heh heh
      'The only people who give you a hard time (for stopping drinking) are those who used to look to your drinking to excess to legitimise theirs, and they'll find someone else to do that in time. '
      From an Amazon review of Allan Carr's ' Easy Way to Control Alcohol'

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        #108
        Bad Gas and Good Dreams

        Avalentine Fart for You, Dear

        I didn't get a card.
        Forgot to order flowers.
        Thought about a dinner.
        And then all the hours
        it would take.

        So I thought about why I love you
        And it's really quite subtle.
        It's becuase you don't object to
        the air that escapes my bubtle.

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          #109
          Bad Gas and Good Dreams

          Ah, Helen,
          I am moved to tears. Thanks for sharing your gaseous wealth with all of us.
          Love you right back.........pfeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
          *Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

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            #110
            Bad Gas and Good Dreams

            :H Oh Helen, ever so beautifully put
            Hey, since it's Valentine's Day, let's get Johnny Depp back on this thread.. yippee!!
            :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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              #111
              Bad Gas and Good Dreams

              oh thank GOD!!!

              Comment

                #112
                Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                yeah

                Johnny Depp..........
                NEVER DID GET HIM ON THE HAM MOCK!!!

                What's up w/that!!???!!???:hijacked:
                :rays:My happiness is my greatest gift to others:rays:eace:

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                  #113
                  Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                  I think dexterhead still has him locked up
                  I loaned him to her last and she has not given him back

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                    #114
                    Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                    Today is my 3rd? day and I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I wanted to tell you thank you for writing what you did. You have a wonderful sense of humor about this as I hope to keep mine. I'm very hard on myself and I see that you are a little too, particularly with the zoo (funny) comments. Your husband is probably just thrilled at your success. Congratulations and thank you again.

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                      #115
                      Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                      hee .. I do, in my special chamber :H
                      He often wears his pirate outfit for me ...
                      but, I shall say NOTHING about any meat pies.
                      :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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                        #116
                        Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                        LET HIM GO DEX!!! I MEAN IT!!!

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                          #117
                          Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                          why do you think the cat dances so much
                          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                          Comment

                            #118
                            Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                            I'll trade you lochness for johnny and raise you one.
                            sigpic
                            Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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                              #119
                              Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                              No. the pirate stays here. in his tight pants
                              :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                              Comment

                                #120
                                Bad Gas and Good Dreams

                                Well aren't you the selfish one! At least the ham hock is free since he's in your private chamber.:H
                                sigpic
                                Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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