Bad Gas and Good Dreams

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

We ain't done yet, dexterhead. I had a fart machine that was operated by a remote. I lent it to somebody and don't know where it is but I want it back. Dinner. I tape it under my mother's chair (where I graciously tell her to sit) and she would always say the blessing. I press the remote in the middle of the blessing and with bowed head sneak a peek. Nothing. I'm not satisfied so I press again. And agin. So this little thing has several different fart sounds, not just same ole, same ole. Getting results now. Hubby kicking me under the table, eyes darting, dog getting nervous. And yes, it is Christmas. And I make eye contact with mom and point at hubby. She raises eybrows because she thinks it's the dog. And lord help me I started laughing so hard my head hit the plate. Other guests are looking stunned, but managed to eat anyway. Got me out of doing Christmas dinner again.

[dexterhead]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

oh green ... gulp. snort!!!! you will make me laugh so hard I may emit a "stinky noise"!

[livingfree]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

dexterhead - it's no wonder you started to drink!!!!! You need to borrow the fart machine from greeneyes. (whom we've renamed browneye). Take it to the Christmas dinner with your sister and show her how to have a rip roaring time with your new farty favors.

Update on the salt cleanse. I couldn't get past the first sip - made me gag. How do you drink it down without throwing up? I SERIOUSLY need to get things moving. I now have this image in my hypno time that my elevator is leading down to the bathroom where the plumbing is working again. Now if that works - I'm buying the whole lot of hypno cd's. Get rich, Be beautiful, successful and famous.

liv

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

OK, now that's funny. Stand outside if you can. If not open a window and stand there. Put it a rock glass ( I bet you have one) and then you only have to drink that. Look up at the sky and breathe deeply. Make it through the glass. Then repeat. Then stay in the house for a bit. Near the bathroom. This would not be the time to go for a walk.:H

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

Liv, you can also do vitamin C powder. Magnesium too.

[livingfree]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

tell me more

Ok - do I just take more of the magnesium that I'm already taking - or a different one? (what I mean is that I know there are different forms of Magnesium!) Vit C powder - where do you get that? Thank you for caring about my digestive system - you are a good gal

liv

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

Thanks. The magnesium should be in a ration of 1 part calcium to 1/2 magnesium. C pwoder can be found in health food stores or drug stores. Natrol is a brand I use. Linus Pauling wrote about it. You can take a tsp in oj and then work up to more. It WILL make you poop.

[IKnowItsTrue]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

Ok I was going to start a thread about my new AF symptom of crying all the time. Remember that band "driving and crying"...well that's been me lately. Well all I have to do is come home and read this thread and I just CRACK UP!!!!! OUT LOUD by the way! As far as farting in my family goes when I was growing up...I don't think anyone but my father was allowed. Hey Liv...ever try Smooth Move tea? Have a couple of cups of that at night (it tastes pretty good) then make sure you don't have much to do the next morning. That might help free you up!!

[Cinders]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

tawnyfrog;266989 wrote: Here in Oz the three ads are for "Bloating Testing", "Irritable Bowel" and "10 Rules Losing Belly Fat".


LOL

LMAO!! Tawny, you are too cool. Way to funny.

Love,
Cindi

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

I saw Driving and Crying at an outdoor concert that me hand hubby rode bicycles to. Somebody gave us qualudes and I drove my bike into the back of a parked car and fell off. Wait, mayby the band was Asleep at the Wheel. I'm not kidding.:H

[IKnowItsTrue]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

Green...thanks for the laugh! I needed it! I never heard of Asleep at the Wheel....I've heard of Asleep in the El-e-va-tor...oh but that's another thread!! I only have one more errand to do later so I'll try not to be Driving and Crying (or Driving & Farting) for that matter!

[dexterhead]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

my sister dated a dude in Asleep at the Wheel. don't know if he was gassy.

[Croft]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

There are now 8 pages of posts dedicated to the discussion of farting. Are you people through yet?

[greeneyes]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

Oh hell no croft, this will never end.

[lukalee]

Bad Gas and Good Dreams

LOL!!!! GreenEyes, you are killing me!!!!
First, I guess this is what I need to do to catch me a man!!! I am going to fart as much as possible, everywhere possible. Second, we play pranks at work, and the fart machine is one of them!!!! This is aside from my putting charchoal on the phone handles. (I work at a school).
Dexter---the comments about the family is hilarious!!! My entire family is very crude!! I used to never burp very well. My mom was the biggest belcher ever!!! and she was a whopping 110 pounds. My family swears that when she died, I inherited her ability to burp with the best!!!!!!!