Advice on Moderation

[JackieO]

Hi everyone, Happy Monday! I need advice on moderation. What is it? I have spent 6 weeks taking the supplements religiously, have done 10 days of the hypno CD's, and have managed to decrease my drinking from probably 30-35 drinks a week down to 3 or 4 per week. So, why do I feel worried that I drank 2 glasses of fine wine with a fine dinner on 2 nights of the weekend? I didn't drink the bottle (like before), I didn't go out to the store to buy more (like before), I didn't get drunk (like before), I didn't feel sick in the morning (like before). I simply drank 2 glasses of nice tasting wine and then cleaned up the dinner dishes and went on with my AF evening business. But I feel this creeping sense of dread, like I will end up back where I was before I found this wonderful resource. Anybody have any sage advice?

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Advice on Moderation

Yes, I know where to find sage advice... Find Croft's thread about Beating ourselves up, and read it....

Jackie O, you sound like you are afraid that the bad habit is sneaking up on you, ready to jump into bed and ruin all of your hard work. I think it's a normal fear that anyone striving to moderate their drinking has to manage. Don't ignore your fears, or you WILL end up back at square one. Acknowledging they exist means that you are willing to address them.

Notice, I said, manage your drinking- you have to manage it. Do NOT let your drinking manage you. You are doing great! :l

[KAT20]

Advice on Moderation

JackieO, Congratulations ! Sounds like your doing great. The only thing I know about moderation is a woman should have no more that 3 4oz glasses of wine in a sitting and no more than 7 for the week. I think you can look it up on any of those web sites where you take a test to see if you drink too much. I really think its up to how you feel and especially where you started. I think moderation can be different for everyone. Its a healthy worry to be concerned about falling back as I know I have. Maybe some other members have some other advise. Best to you.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Advice on Moderation

tkeene;270372 wrote: Dear JackieO...here is my humble opinion. I believe that alot of people are attracted to this site by seeing the words "Moderation". I know it was the first thing that attracted me, hoping I could get my drinking under control. After 6 months of on again off again AF, I know it is not possible for ME to moderate. You have done very well with your moderating, however that sense of dread you are feelling is the very real possiblility that you will return to your old ways. I know I'm gonna get some flack here from the few successful moderaters on this site. But it is my belief there are few.

As it has been repeated over and over here, many have tried to moderate only to realize it is so much work, counting drinkis, wondering if it is okay to have the next, that AF is so much simpler in the long run. I believe that anyone who had a real problem with alcohol will continue to do so, maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually. Hope that helps? t,

T~ very true! I found this site on New Years Eve, when I was trying to find a way to justify drinking that night.... and posts here helped me avoid the temptation and stay AF.

I want to moderate my drinking, but I don't know what the secret to moderating is for me.... I've said before that if this disease is truly a biochemical problem, then I need to find a scientist to tell me what chemicals I need to maintain the right biochemistry. There are proven studies that ethnic races react differently to alcohol.... I remember that people with Greek heritage do very well moderating their consumption, but American Indians do not (they did not drink alcohol until the first Thanksgiving, and I'm pretty sure it was a "Smoking Loon" Merlot! :H).... well, I'm 1/16 Mohawk, which probably explains my struggle.

I love to read Satori's posts, because he's candidly open about the struggles he's had moderating, and after telling himself to accept being AF, he's found a betterlife. He doesn't sound like a prisoner to sobriety, which is very inspirational.

I guess I'll have to figure this out for myself, too.

[skygal12]

Advice on Moderation

Not Happy Hour-Happy Life;270379 wrote: T~ There are proven studies that ethnic races react differently to alcohol.... I remember that people with Greek heritage do very well moderating their consumption, but American Indians do not (they did not drink alcohol until the first Thanksgiving, and I'm pretty sure it was a "Smoking Loon" Merlot! :H).... well, I'm 1/16 Mohawk, which probably explains my struggle.

happy - I have some Chinese in me, and I have heard that this may be the cause of my allergic/intolerant reaction to alcohol....my brother and sister are the same way I am - totally uncontrollable binge drinkers. Makes you think, eh?

[sunshine23]

Advice on Moderation

Jackie O . . .I'm certainly no authority having just completed day 2 AF and actually doing well . . . .feel like crap but I expected that! I'm using the supplements and waiting for the arrival of my CD's . ..have just about completed RJ's book and truly feel like I've turned a corner . .. . still haven't decided for myself whether I will "moderate" or "abstain" but I know that I want to do at least 30 days AF before seeing how I feel . . .

You have done a terrific job and are certainly way ahead of me:goodjob: . . . . but I would listen to your "gut" on this . . . .and there is a reason this is surfacing for you . . . .most people can have 2 glasses of wine and be OK . . . . . . . maybe you and I can't . . . .it's individual . .. .trust yourself . . . you will be ok . . ..

keep posting and being open . . . .we can do this! :thumbs:

love, D

[Croft]

Advice on Moderation

This is such a wonderful thing to see. I am crafting silly post on this very subject. I had a bad chat session the other night.

I for one, since the bad chat session, have thought this long and hard, and think that we should all be allowed to set our own goals.

LIFE is short and I would like to enjoy some of the finer things in life. Wine with dinner. A cold beer on a cold deck after a long day in the garden. I don't want to be addicted, but I don't want to be denied either.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Advice on Moderation

LIFE is short and I would like to enjoy some of the finer things in life. Wine with dinner. A cold beer on a cold deck after a long day in the garden. I don't want to be addicted, but I don't want to be denied either.

Bravo! Bravo!

[Ask For Help]

Advice on Moderation

What is Mods?

Jackie O:

I've been reading a bit on this site how people who moderate define their goals because I'm new at this and feel like I'd like to have some guidelines. The range of what people do is all over the place, but for those who do drink "regularly: (like not just once a season) it seems 4 AF days a week is pretty common and limiting the 3 drinking days to 2 - 3 drinks per day is also pretty common. I'm currently trying to lose weight so I'm trying to get as many AF days in as I can. I don't drink at home at all, which would be like drinking alone as I am the only adult in the house, and limit myself to 2 drinks when out. I've been very pleased with my progress and have been completely satisfied with 2 drinks so this seems very doable. I think if I was AF I'd be having all those "conversations" about "why can't I have a drink" that are so exhausting.

So I agree you need to find you own place, but I can understand the desire to have some sense of "what's within reason". You might want to check out some of the threads on either Monthly Mods or Long Term Mods. I would also be interested in keeping in touch. Since I started with the abs folks, I feel kind of "bonded" with them, but don't post too much since I'm not racking up consecutive AF days. Guess it would feel good to talk to some other mods folks.
G

[Finding My Self]

Advice on Moderation

Jackie - Hi..... Good, sage advice here! (Thanks all!)

Croft - too right....our own goals - I guess I am grateful for all the goals I have read about here and either thought about not being for me or tried and found them not to be for me...etc etc etc.....and all the brilliant advice in between! Like "Do 90 days before trying to mod" which I am absolutely sure worked for me....allowed the chemistry to change as well as the thinking.

Just to 'share' something that happened to me last evening....I had my half glass of white before supper. There was only that in that bottle and I fancied a tiny bit more..... I felt 'scared' like you, Jackie - but I am glad of that restraining 'fear' that I liken to learning as a child not to run across busy roads! I poured about half an inch (scared, see!!!!) of a rose into my glass and sat down with my meal.....and had the amazing discovery that this rose went so, so well with the food - it was a discovery of that 'the right wine for the meal in question' that all the wine boffins go on about - that has nothing at all to do with 'drinking' in 'our' world!! It was absolutely delicious - and yet I wanted no more. I had had only 135ml of wine in total! Less than a small glass in a pub!

Yes, our own goals and limits and levels.....I'll go with that and wish you all the luck in the world, Jackie!

PS The Chinese link to their lack of the enzymes needed to deal with alcohol is well known.....I thought!! You'll not be alone, Skygal.)

Love
FMS xx

[Sunbeam]

Advice on Moderation

I'm AF day 15. Roberta Jewell in the back of her book describes moderation as 1 drink per day for a woman, so that is what I may try in the future. Right now, I'm getting more pleasure from not drinking at all. The list of reasons not to drink is long in my life, and not what I want to do with my life. After 2 drinks I stop counting. I want to just enjoy the taste of that one glass on special occasions, stop drinking for the effect, stop drinking alone, stop secretly going out to buy more....

[5thaday]

Advice on Moderation

Since I don't know much about your past drinking history, what I can offer is only speculative. For starters, since you joined this forum I will assume that you have been a heavy drinker for some time and that it has been negatively affecting your life in some way. That said, I would be sceptical about moderation. My own experience, as well as the experiences of many others here, have often involved brief periods of moderation, only to end in some of our worst binges yet. How much of a struggle was it to stop drinking after 2 glasses? I know in my own case, when I've done that it was pure torture, with much mental obsession over when I would drink next flitting around in my brain. So basically, I would advise that if it wasn't a struggle for you to drink the 2 glasses, continue drinking in this fashion and keep an eye on it. Not to sound discouraging, but I will say flat-out that I'm a sceptic about moderation for those of us who have been drinking heavily for some time. Moderation should be automatic and effortless, not the excruciating test of will we end up facing. Good luck in any case.

[cowgal]

Advice on Moderation

ditto!!!

My goal, which I am doing "pretty well" on at times is to moderate, went WAYYYY overboard this past weekend, remenescing w/ old friends etc etc................got a little too wasted..................

BUT to have 2 drinks/night is my goal, did it last night, hopefully again tonight, BUT I would also like to get some AF nights sprinkled in there occaisionally to give the old liver/brain a rest!?!?

I love this program just because we are free to determine our route, and slip, get back up, into the saddle and go on again trying our best

lots of love (just my 2 cents worth!!)

MA:h :l

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Advice on Moderation

Finding My Self;270930 wrote: Jackie - Hi..... Good, sage advice here! (Thanks all!)

I felt 'scared' like you, Jackie - but I am glad of that restraining 'fear' that I liken to learning as a child not to run across busy roads!
Love
FMS xx

FMS~

You are right.... or the child who touches the hot stove and burns his little fingertips... he is now smart enough to know that the stove is HOT!nfire: Maybe because I'm new to the idea of moderating, I think that I can moderate successfully.

Cowgal, did you have an inkling in the back of your mind that you were going to "live it up" with your friends this weekend, before you took one sip?

Looking back, there were several Friday nights where I knew at 4 pm (before one drink), that I was going to drink way too much and stay up too late.... :toasted: I knew that Saturday morning would come much too soon. :crazymonkey: That's a confession. Looking forward, I don't know if I'll plan those Friday nights again~ or maybe I'll have four "Get Out Of Jail" stickers next to my calendar, and when they are all gone, I'm done for the year.......??? :b&d: I can see where drinking definitely becomes a conscious decision- not something that I can take it or leave it~ and I also understand why some people say, "I'm done drinking- much easier to be AF"...

[TiredofHiding]

Advice on Moderation

What an interesting thread. I have been very busy and not on the boards much, but have been thinking about this issue. I am day 34 AF today and thought maybe I'd allow myself a glass of wine on Valentine's day - but I'm not ready yet. I feel so good and I am losing weight, I just don't want to mess with it.

I too am afraid that I might slip into old ways - - but I just can't envision life without a great Cab or a cold Shiner Bock. But, for me, I'm not ready yet.

I think we all have to make our own decisions - and if trying to moderate is too scary - stick with the AF for a while longer.