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    Wednesday Silent Wednesday

    I slipped. And slipped bad. That darn mural. I have to finish that darn mural. And when I do I am going to break up with my friend who I am painting the mural for. She is a terrible influence and a very selfish person anyway. I got home last night from working on the mural and my hubby could tell I had had too much. He was working on taxes and wanted my input and I tried to give it, but it was not going well. Finally he asked how many drinks I had had. “One”, I replied.
    I turn into a lying teenager when I drink. And my poor hubby is forced to play the role of adamant parent. Unfortunately for me he plays this role very well. Someday I am going to give him an Oscar. He looked at me with a very stern expression and said, “You only had one drink?” “Yes, sir”, I lied. This, of course made him very angry and he said some things I am hoping he did not mean. And that made me very angry, until I woke up at 2:30 in the morning with a splitting headache? At 2:30 in the morning I felt nothing but ashamed. How could I have come so far on this journey and then screwed up so badly? And how could I have disappointed my hubby, the one who bought me flowers, dissected my hypnosis CD against the grain of his personality and noticed how hard I was working and that I was changing? How come I can’t remember what was said last night? Oh, that’s right. Never mind.
    So, today is Wednesday and I have decided that the best way to deal with this situation is to never speak to my hubby again. I am pretty sure he does not want to talk to me either. I can tell by the way he avoids eye contact when we pass in the hallway. I am also avoiding eye contact. We did everything we could last night not to touch each other while we slept next to each other. Maybe we should buy a king sized bed. No one can show any sign of weakness towards the other. No text messages, no phone calls, no kisses good bye and hello, no “how was your day”s. It is very quiet as I sit on the couch typing this. He is the bedroom reading or sulking. It is hard to tell the difference. I think I might be sulking too. At least I am sober and I am getting a lot more work done than usual.
    Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day

    #2
    Wednesday Silent Wednesday

    I'm sorry, Croft. The only thing worse than the beating we give ourselves is the dissapointment of someone we love. No amount of rehashing or feeling bad can change last night. You can change tonight, though. Maybe you should hop off the couch and go in to the bedroom. He knows how hard you are trying, sounds like he ackowledges your efforts, so maybe another effort is due now. it may make you both feel better and able to start tomorrow with a fresh look and renewed strength..

    Good luck, sweetie..

    xoxox

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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      #3
      Wednesday Silent Wednesday

      I"m sorry it happened Croft

      Why not go and give him a hug, no words. Just a hug - cos i"m sure you need one too.

      Look after yourself
      Wake me up low with a fever~Walking in a straight line~ Set me on fire in the evening~Everything will be fine~Waking up strong in the morning~Walking in a straight line~Lately I?m a desperate believer~But walking in a straight line

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        #4
        Wednesday Silent Wednesday

        How could I have come so far on this journey and then screwed up so badly?
        Croft.... you need to add #12 to the list about beating yourself up, because you just experienced it, didn't you?

        I'm sorry, really sorry that you screwed up. I'm glad that Meditation Mama piped right up~ wise words, as always, from her... :heart: And Straight Lines, you are so right, a hug can do wonders too. :l

        Does your friend know about your current attempts to control your drinking? If she knows, and yet you gals still partied like it was 1999, then maybe your honey needs to go with you next time.
        If she doesn't know, don't you think you should tell her?

        Either way, it doesn't really change what's happened- pointing fingers, finding justification, selling excuses to your soul, blah, blah, blah.... it just confuses the "issue". Have you tried to figure out WHY you went overboard last night?
        WHY would you disappoint your hubby?
        WHY would you disappoint yourself?

        You are SO wise, Crofty, you can figure out why.... you might not like the answer, but I'm sure you can figure it out. You owe it to yourself so that you don't do a repeat performance.

        And in the meantime, stop beating yourself up. It's done. Over. Write a wonderful, sincere apology to your honey, because you have a wonderful talent with your words....

        Much love, sweetie. :heart: Not that you need it, but I officially forgive my farting friend with muffler burns tattooed on her neck...

        Patty
        Tampa, FL

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          #5
          Wednesday Silent Wednesday

          Hi Croft,

          The cone of silence. Not a cheery place:upset: Has occurred in our house many a time usally instigated by my stupid behaviour. The good news is time heals this and its just so bloody exhausting trying to keep it up. When the cone has descended in our house the olive branch takes the form of a gift, for her in the form of a new bra and for me a new pair of boxer shorts I know this is weird (we need serious treatment:H ). but it works. Hang in there good people always come good. At least in my case I look forward to a new pair of undies. Happy Valentines to the croft house.
          All the best

          Danny

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            #6
            Wednesday Silent Wednesday

            Patty - your post made me smile..... well and cry too, but they are the happy tears.

            I am trying to figure out why I drank so much last night. It is going to take some time. It is such a habit for me. THe buzz is not even that good on the topo. It is such a habit to have a beer while I paint. THe beer does not even taste good on the topo.

            I will find a way to fix things with the hubby. I just can't find my words right now. I am sincerely disappointed that I drank last night. I had been doing so well. This hit me really hard and I am surprised by how disappointed I feel.

            I will get there. Just may take a little longer than I would like it to.

            Thank you so much for your post. You are wonderful!!!!!!

            Croft!

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              #7
              Wednesday Silent Wednesday

              Patty - your post made me smile..... well and cry too, but they are the happy tears.

              I am trying to figure out why I drank so much last night. It is going to take some time. It is such a habit for me. THe buzz is not even that good on the topo. It is such a habit to have a beer while I paint. THe beer does not even taste good on the topo.

              I will find a way to fix things with the hubby. I just can't find my words right now. I am sincerely disappointed that I drank last night. I had been doing so well. This hit me really hard and I am surprised by how disappointed I feel.

              I will get there. Just may take a little longer than I would like it to.

              Thank you so much for your post. You are wonderful!!!!!!

              Croft!

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                #8
                Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                Danny - thanks so much for your post! Yes, cones are a lot of work. They always give me a headache and make my mouth dry.

                Happy Valentines Day to you and yours as well!!!!

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                  #9
                  Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                  Meditate and Straight - I do think a hug may be in order. Now i just need to get up the guts to go in there and do it. I mean what if he is not ready to forgive yet? Wish me luck.....

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                    #10
                    Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                    I'm telling ya, sleep on the floor next to your side of the bed. Then he won't know where you are even though you are right there! It worked for me the other night.
                    Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

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                      #11
                      Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                      Noelle - you are too funny!

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                        #12
                        Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                        Well, I'm certainly no expert. I've been married 21 years. There have been times when i wondered if we'd ever speak to each other again and the looks that cut right through to my heart were so painful. The purposeful avoidance at work (we work at the same place, share the same car) that had to be orchestrated was so mind consuming. We seem to be so immature. Talk usually ends up with accusations You need to give a simple apology. No promises. No guarantees. The oldest advice is that time heals all wounds. (And get ready for that mad, passionate make-up s _ _.)
                        sigpic

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                          #13
                          Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                          Hi Croft: I hope you and hubby have brokered a treaty. He knows how hard you are trying. !!! give him one of your Croft-esque Valentine poems. Check out Helen's poem on the famous gas thread :H
                          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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                            #14
                            Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                            Oh Croft...

                            I am sorry :l I have been in your shoes waaay too many times. Letting down hubby due to drinking...lying like a stupid teenager "did you drink tonight?" "NO!" (as I slur my words) UGH...

                            But although HE might not really understand this process, you must! Unfortunately for most, slips come with the terratory. Learn from it and move on. Don't beat yourself up. As for hubby, just say "I am sorry I disappointed you...I disappointed myself too" (preferably in one of those hideous red thingies they sell at victoria's secret for Valentine's Day!)...Things feel SOOO much better after the ice is broken.

                            With Love,

                            Beth
                            formerly known as bak310

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                              #15
                              Wednesday Silent Wednesday

                              Croft It is not showing weakness but strength to be the first one to reach out. It's Valentine's day. A perfect day to reach out. Do apologize for lying to him. You don't have to apologize for anything else. You drank. You are sorry. It's over. Start fresh today hon.:l

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