still takes me by surprise...

[emily]

went out for a meal with a good friend last night. I'm 47 days AF today and determined to get to 90 days. Anyway, I haven't told anyone about stopping drinking, except all of you. She had a bottle of wine and I drank juice. She didn't query me not drinking and totally accepted I wasn't BUT we were talking about a previous trip to the theatre. (we always used to go once a year, watch a show, have a good meal and of course a total piss up. Now I class this friend as 'a drinker' although she's recently had a baby so not as much as before)

She started talking about me being totally hammered the last time we were out and how I surprised her by 'coming to' in the train after drinking some water. She wasn't being nasty and as I laughed along with her I felt ashamed, embarrassed, cringing inside and also annoyed because I rarely ever comment on anyone making a fool of themselves while drunk but it seems that everyone and their dog seems to think they have a right to replay my escapades. (she was drunk also, obviously not as much as me)

Also, then, I never thought I was worse than anyone else, then, I was just out enjoying myself as I always had, with alcohol, having a ball. I didn't realise that folk talked about you and judged you, even good friends. maybe because I never did that with anyone else but I've always been a bit nieve and slow on the uptake.

I know it's not good to look back but last night reinforced my determination to at least get to 90 days and reinvent myself as a non drinker. I wonder if, in the future, they'll still be regaling me, and others, with tales about me doing this and me doing that as they're sitting drinking a whole bottle of wine with dinner and I'M NOT...

[Flip]

still takes me by surprise...

I think it can be a very good thing to look back - and remember why you want to change your life. These days, after 14 months, my friends occasionally talk about the days when I was a complete arse, but more likely they say how much better it is now I don't drink. You may even find yourself making jokes at your own expense - but always with a touch of humility. Be proud of yourself, and listen to those stories, they are your poke in the ribs to tell you what a wonderful thing you are doing now.

[cassy]

still takes me by surprise...

Hi Emily

you have to watch it as some people have "grren eyed monster lurking"..They may be jealous of your success or some want you to get back to the emily they thought you were.

People can be hurtful..try and rise above it as you ahve done amazingly well.

we all have stories of our behave "under the influence" which are so embarassing on reflection.HOWEVER the good news for you is that you now have moved on and can respect yourself better.

Dont let friends wear you down..it may be you will end up helping and supporting some of them who are also "out of control " in the future..life is full of suprises.

Keep heading towars your 90 days we are all here wishing you well..you can do it so go girl!!

Regards Cassy

[Reenie]

still takes me by surprise...

Hi Emily: I have been sober for close to 8 months now. Every once in a while a friend will bring up one of my drinking escapades. I too feel embarassed and ashamed. Yet, I'm not quick to comback with "Hey, wait a minute here, what about you and what you did the last time I saw you drunk, yada, yada, yada". I don't go there. I quickly think to myself, "Yea, and look who's sober now.....". Some people like to point fingers without thinking they are no angels either. Anyway, you having 47 days sober is a big deal! I'm certain, people are both proud of you and just a bit envious in that, they wish they can do it too. Consider these grim, drunken reminders as "ecncouragement" to keep going AF and the reasons why you don't want to go "back there". -Reenie

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

still takes me by surprise...

Emily~
Guilty as charged.... last month when I was at my company's sales meeting and I was SOBER, drunk friends came up to me and asked what was wrong with me? It's like a double edged sword..... kind of like the "before and after" photos of fat/skinny days. Unfortunately, to truly appreciate the After photos, you gotta acknowledge that the Before ones existed.

Good for you for letting go and looking forward! It's a new you, and a new day. Much love,

[Croft]

still takes me by surprise...

I have been using the "I am trying to lose some weight excuse" lately. Not sure it is very convincing. I have a very large issue around admitting to my friends and family that I have a very large issue. Especially next to my "Party-Girl" reputation.

[Thankful]

still takes me by surprise...

I wonder if, in the future, they'll still be regaling me, and others, with tales about me doing this and me doing that as they're sitting drinking a whole bottle of wine with dinner and I'M NOT...

Emily, I wouldn't worry about what they talk about in the future. Chances are there will be new drunk stories and the good thing about that is you won't be part of them! It could be jealously, so what if it is. You are doing awesome and no one can take that away from you.

You will make 90 days. I know you will. We can do this together (day 54 here).

Love, Me
:l

[Masquerade]

still takes me by surprise...

Crap; I can remember when (in my youth) I would occasionally abstain and everyone would ask, "Are you pregnant?"

Now I simply tell them I am on medication (aka "attempts at self-control") but they don't ask for details.

[buckledown]

still takes me by surprise...

I totally understand..sometimes it is as if they have nothing else to talk about but drinking because that is what you all always had in common....try to change the subject and find something else you have in common...or just say..."yuck - i'm glad i am not doing that anymore...lets not talk about it"...then you have made some ground rules...i hate those conversations where people go on and on about time when everyone was wasted...some of it can be funny - it mostly just makes you feel ashamed...unless you are drunk when you are telling the story...at least that is my experience...hope that helps...blessings ...buckle

[FinallyRN]

still takes me by surprise...

This is a very painful story for me.........I had an episode when my girlfriend and I, plus our spouses were vacationing in NY. I had recently been put on anti-depressants but no one told me I couldn't drink on them.............( yeah, I'm a nurse, embarrassing, stupid, I didn't even read the contra-indications.) anyway, my girlfriend and her husband are heavy drinkers, VERY, but I ended up almost passing out in a restaurant and having to be taken to the hotel by all. Anti-depressants don't let you know you're getting drunk, you have no warning, you just fall. At least that was true for me. If that wasn't bad enough I found out the next morning that they had fully taken advantage of my situation and taken pictures........Of course every time we get together the story gets re-told..........I have up to this point kept my mouth shut about all her drunken episodes but decided recently that the next time it happens I wouldn't let it go. The story is always at my expense and it is used to reflect off her own drinking........."I'm drinking but I've never been as bad as you".
Sorry, I'm not nice enough to let this one go....................I'm going to have to say something. I so know what you're talking about Emily. I wonder how the story gets told when I'm not around. And because I've never been that way with any of my friends, naively I thought others did the same

[emily]

still takes me by surprise...

thanks for all the comments guys and yes your right it has strengthened me.

Dear finally, my heart goes out to you and what a dreadful event. Yes I think you should say something but don't say it with anger. Think of something that will hit them right between the eyes and will make you look saintly, hehehe.


I can totally relate too as to what is said behind your back but I suppose I've done it myself with others and it is just to justify your own drinking habits.

I used to have this old bag (she's related to my husband, an aunt) that used to tell a story of me at a family wedding (I was the talk of the town, so embarrassing) anyhow, one day about 5 years later! at a family barbeque, she started telling the story to a new set of people that hadn't heard it before and totally fed up I just said, 'o' for goodness sake are you telling that story again, it was 20 years ago' (exagerating obviously) but I think I got the message across and the 'new' people were then aware she was a gossip. bit weak but as the shame was setting in I was quite proud of myself and I said it with a confident voice that was almost mocking her, it definetely shut her up, old cow

[5thaday]

still takes me by surprise...

Hi Emily,

I found your post interesting because it reminds me of the hypocrisy that is often involved when people criticize someone's overindulgence in alcohol. It's almost as if they need to have someone to point the finger at so they can feel better about themselves. Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who used to tease me mercilessly about my "red wine-stained" lips that would inevitably emerge after getting into the vino, and about how I was wreaking havoc on my body. Of course, and not to sound mean, this is the same person who is easily 40 pounds overweight, doesn't exercise, and pollutes her own body with pointless junk food and sweets! I guess your post inspired me to do some venting! In any case, congrats on 47 days AF- an excellent start to defeating this horrible addiction.

[satori]

still takes me by surprise...

Emily,

You are doing GREAT!
Sounds like 90 days will be a breeze!

How close is your friend?

Sadly sometimes after we stop drinking, we find that getting wasted was about the ONLY thing we had in common with some friends / acquaintences.

I have had the same experience, drunk people recounting tales of our past "good times" while I have been sober, and, after giving it some thought later, I couldn't think of very much ELSE we had ever done.

In a couple of instances - I have let an acquaintanceship "lapse", while in others - I have tried to develop friendships in some different directions - away from the bar!

Just a thought!

Love

Satori

xxx

[FinallyRN]

still takes me by surprise...

Very good point Satori

My friend is now a continent away so I don't see her much, but when we do get together after 5 mins we have nothing to say and other than our mutual addiction to wine we really don't have that much in common.