tough question

[greeneyes]

Does anyone have experience with two addicts, married with different addictions? Mine's obviously AL, hubby struggling with something different. It's like we feed off each other or I guess use each other for an excuse to continue our own thing. How do you stop the train? Or slow it down (yeah, I know Jethro Tull again) I have a 30 miunute drive and 15minutes to get there. I hope somebody can help me here. I hope I can help myself because I know that's what is going to come down to. I have fallen yet again. I'm getting tired of saying boo-hoo. I bet you are tired of hearing it too. Words of wisdom? Please?

[dexterhead]

tough question

hi green, as you know I don't share this problem, just wanted to say hi and bump this. love, kittyhead

[4theboyz]

tough question

Tough answer,

Get off the train! Addiction is not a team effort, enabling is. You each are going to have to make your own decisions to stop the pain train and get help. If he won't, I pray that you will.

[keeta]

tough question

green,
hey hon, I am in the same boat (or train as it were) and have no idea how to get off. I just know it is very very hard to break this cycle. Wake up so positive, and ready to conquer (sp?) the world, and at 2 pm, I am drinking beer. I am so positive, walking through the drug store buying all the suppliments, and planning...the night of day one, googling all the info...and today...drinking. I hate all the "bad" nights I have drinking...fighting with hubby...not keeping up the house...I am a failure at life because I drink, and yet time and time again I do it....by choice. Strong one minute weak the next...sober one minute drinking the next...slave to my addiction...slave to all my faults....I do not like this *me* yet I continue.
Whoa...Waaaaaaaaay off topic.
Sorry greenie...anywho...my hubby drinking, which makes my battle harder...he smokes pot, which I use as an excuse to fuel my own addiction...("You smoke pot and I don't nag YOU, leave me alone"...or something along those lines)
double addictions...double the fight....I have no answers green, but I am here fighting right along side you!

much love and hugs,
Kim

[keeta]

tough question

so.......

basically what I am saying is a double addicted house hold SUCKS ASS.

.......now back to your regularly scheduled programming..........

[lukalee]

tough question

I don't even know what to say, but I want to say something. It is going to sound so cliche, but the truth is you can only worry about yourself. The serenity prayer says is like it is:
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I have been in your shoes. I couldn't change my husband; he couldn't change me. The only person anyone can change is themselves.
My drinking is why I am alone now. I attract guys who drink and party. When two people are together a long time where one drinks (or whatever) and the other does not, it can work out because they love each other. But when you are a person like me, going into a new relationship, it does not work out.
A little off topic, but I guess what I am trying to say is that this CAN work for you. I know it is hard, but you need to let his problems go, as he needs to with you. This does not mean not being there for each other or not setting boundaries. I know my problem was that I was always waiting for him to mess up.

[Leanwolf]

tough question

Hello Greeneyes: to your question: Does anyone have experience with two addicts, married with different addictions? Mine's obviously AL, hubby struggling with something different. It's like we feed off each other or I guess use each other for an excuse to continue our own thing. How do you stop the train? Or slow it down .............
I believe the answer is, at least it was for my husband, was to get off the train at the next stop. This however gave him more ammo against me, as he has a bad habit of putting me down in a passive agressive manner to begin with, but thats another story. By him getting off the train first rendered my favorite answer to his nagging, you know the 'I've only been drinking for a couple of years, but you've been smoking for over 30' BS line I would give, useless. Now, I'm getting off the train and he popps back on and off whenever he wants to and I ignore him. What we do with our habits bad or good are are business, not our spouses, they are also our responsabilities, along with the ramifications. He works out 4 times a week and eats flax for breakfast, no thank you!!! Thanks, but I'll die young! Greeneyes - Get off the train at one of the next stops. But get off at 2:00 in the afternoon. Don't decide until then. MWO is at each one of the stops! It's Not easy? Even in the book she says that she needed a program where she could drink. Feel like a failure when it doesn't work? I know what you are saying. You describe me in your blog. How many times did I try to quit smoking only to say, maybe tomorrow. It's been 3 years, I finally did it, but it sure wasn't the first try. You can do this, I can do this. No it's not easy, but we can do this. When your ready, you get off the train, with or without your husband, if he wants to join you great, but if he doesn't don't let him stop you. I've been with my husband for 22 years - I'm ignoring him because it's the healthiest thing for me to do.
Good luck.

[anxious]

tough question

leanwolf

When you say, your ignoring your hubby, did you leave him?? Mine puts me down horribly to where I started to believe him. I am confused and the confusion keeps me stuck in the cycle.