Well, after all the events on the boards yesterday I feel I've finally had the wakeup call I needed. One of the posts really made me take a step back and take a look at myself. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe thats what I do need, tough love.
But there I was, here on MWO, in the middle of the afternoon half way through that bottle of white that I flippantly said I wouldn't open. Needless to say I finished the bottle. What a hypocrite, how dare I criticize and condem my own mam for drinking when for gods sake, I'm doing the self and same thing. I can't keep using my past as an excuse to drink, I really need to see that. Before my husband went away he asked me to be strong and try and have some AF days, I knew I wasn't going to, I had no intention. I've let him down. I've let myself down lately, I also feel as if I've let my friends on here down. I'm sorry.
I've been awake since 1am (the old usual wake up call after having wine - you know, the panic attacks, anxiety etc) anyway, came on here, read some posts then thought I would put the clearing cds on to relax me and I would probably drift off to sleep. Plus, it would be a good chance to get started back on this programme. But, the opposite has happened. I am now so pumped up with positivity there's no way I'm gonna get back to sleep!!!
This is it. A new start for me. I'm making a commitment to myself tonight that this can't go on. Thanks everyone for making me see sense.
Janicexxx
ps is it too early to make soup and do the ironing Bessie?
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