Trying to go AF

[daisy-doo]

Hi not been for a while and not doing to good, had way to much to drink 3 times in the last week. So going to try AF for a while as modnot really working feel a bit down as want to be a normal drinker have a couple and call it a day but hay ! other areas of my life are brilliant and i know I might feel a bit out of it at social occassions when everybody is drinking but not me but thats only for a couple of hours where as i feel out of it when i have been drinking with hangover remorse not to mention the saying sorry and making up i have to do after i have been drinking and the feeling of terror wondering what i have said or done . Reading that makes it seem like a pretty good trade off ! feel sick with shame when i think about the time i have wasted and lost to drinking and what i have put myself and those close to me through because of it. Pretty sobering thought in itsself makes not drinking very attractive. so wish me luck ! And today is a good day to stop as its mothers day and not drinking will defo make me a better mother partner freind and employee and will lift the cloud of terror i live under . Happy Mother Day to you all thanks for listening could do with some words of encouragement support please x x

[Kirova]

Trying to go AF

Happy Mother's Day to you, too, daisy-doo! And what a nice gift you're giving yourself -- freedom from AL. You've got my full support. You can do this! :h

[meditation mama]

Trying to go AF

Happy Mother's Day, Daisy-Doo! What a wonderful gift to give to your children and yourself.

If AF is your plan, then my best advise is to have a plan. My best efforts failed me so many times becasue I just said I was going to quit. And I would for 1-2-3 days, then I would start to feel better, forget why I thought I was such a bad person, I was overreacting - blah, blah, blah. And the cycle would go on... and on, and on. I did this for many years - well my whole life to be exact.

So, basically what I am saying is, if you are really serious about going AF, please consider sitting down and putting together an AF plan. Something like, Getting together your supplements, Topa (if you choose), exercise, planned time here (i spent the first week here!), who I would associate with-and who I would not for the first while, what you will do when the cravings come (because they will - we can help with that), etc... see what I mean?

Anyway, that's just a thought. I just wanted to throw that out to you. I am almost two months sober and this time I had a plan. I wanted this to stick, so I had a plan and I stuck to it, and it worked.

I wish you the best of luck! You can do this.

Namaste,

MM

[daisy-doo]

Trying to go AF

mama what great advice and on mothers day too. I don't have my mum anymore but i oftem wish i did so i could talk all this through with her. I will do just that make a plan , I am crying as i write this l just want it all to go away and i know it is not that simple but a plan sounds great especially the things to do when i get a craving, its just like you said I go a few days and then forget ( how convenient ) why i want to be af and convince myself i do not have a problem. You telling me u have been af for two months is a real inspiration. Right going to blow my nose make a plan and then have a nice long bath while my wonderful boys cook dinner x

[meditation mama]

Trying to go AF

Oh, Daisy-Doo..

I'm sorry you don't have your Mum to work this through with, but you can talk this through with us. That is why we are all here.. as a group. We have all been where you are. So, don't try to do this alone, OK? I remember crying so many times in the begining. I cried and posted, and cried and posted. I cried so hard I thought I was going to cry out my insides - I think I finally did.. and that's what I needed.. my insides to come out. So stay close. Please stay close and post. For the first week plan on coming here, let your family know if you have to. It really helps to get over that 1-2-3 day cycle i spoke of earlier. We can help you with your plan... so let us help, OK?

All my love,

MM

[daisy-doo]

Trying to go AF

thank you for that mama , nobody just understands like we all do , you just talk so much sence and i am really in awe of you breaking the cycle give me so much hope that i can do it too. My plan is to stay busy get on with a course I started and not done much off. Take kudzu have got the topas but they made me feel so werid and want to take somthing that i can take long term that is affordable ( got the topas from the net very expensive). But do u think it would help to take them for a couple of weeks to break the cycle ? just not keen on giving myslef to much of a crutch in case I fall when its taken away . Also going to write a daily diary and a note about why i don'twant to drink that i can pull out when i get tempted and my brain goes into denial ( the I am ok a couple won't hurt mode). I have struggled with this all my life i am mid 40's and at hearti know i will never be truely happy untill i am af, would choose that over the jackpot on the lotery . Thanks for your support feel like u really understand means a great deal . Not going to tell my partner I am going af don't want to make a big deal out of it as its a quite new relationship x

[Nicole2003]

Trying to go AF

Sending you lots of encouragement Daisy doo. Trying to plan a period of AF is a great idea. I've spent a long long time 'moderating' ie going one, two or three days without a drink and then the bottle (or more) of wine. Ok its better than drinkng every night but it really doesn't give your body and mind a proper break. It's really is tough at the start but it does get a little easier, until alcohol just doesn't seem to matter as much. The benefits are endless. So just try yyour best and be good to yourself.
Nicole

[meditation mama]

Trying to go AF

Daisy~

I take Topa. I really find that it helps me a lot, and was crucial in the beginning for me. I have tried with Topamax and without. I was finally able to quit when I found the perfect dose. I only drank at night, so I only take the Topa at night. I take 50 mgs at 4pm daily. About an hour before I would normally start to drink. You want to start with 25mgs for the first week and go up 25mgs per week until you find your perfect dose. If you have the Topa on hand, you may want to think about using it for the first while. Then you can taper back down and go off when your mind is strong enought to take over and the cravings are at bay.

Journaling is very, very good. Livingfree gave me a good outline that I write every morning:

I feel angry that____
I feel sad that____
I feel afraid that____
I feel guilty that____
I feel grateful that____
I feel happy that____
I feel proud that____

Funny, as the days go on, I can write more on the last ones and less on the first few..

BTW - Many, many, many women start heavy drinking patterns in their 40's. There has been much written on pre-menapausal and heavy drinking onset, so you are not alone. I am also in my mid 40's and my heaviest drinking started when I turned 40. I have talked to dozens of women on this site that agree... so you are not alone.

Nice to talk to you, Daisy.. Keep going, girl! You can do this!

MM

[daisy-doo]

Trying to go AF

thank you for all this support and good advice . Definatley think there is a link between the menopause and drinking it seems to have a much worse effect on me just before my period is due . will give the topa another go i was taking all the supplemtns as well and i am quite small so think it was all a bit much for my system. But like what was said might just give me that boost to give me time toadjust to a af life and to see the benefit and then my mind can take over, got nothing to loose and absolute freedom to gain, imagine not have to worry about getting drunk upsetting people not remembering things feeling awful feeling sick guilty disgusted and worrying sick that my boyfriend will end it with me because i have done 'it' again, I want that so much i can taste it !

[Noelle]

Trying to go AF

There has been much written on pre-menapausal and heavy drinking onset, so you are not alone. I am also in my mid 40's and my heaviest drinking started when I turned 40. I have talked to dozens of women on this site that agree...

I haven't heard that! Maybe that's why my drinking got so very bad there near the end. Thanks for writing that......I feel a little better now.

[My New Beginning]

Trying to go AF

That's very interesting. I never had a problem at all until I was in my late 40's. I never ever drank during the week and very seldom on the weekends; usually only when I went out with people. I was a single mom at age 33 to 2 little girls and I was so determined that they would never have an upbringing like I had with an alcoholic mom. Now look what happened. I'm working hard on it though. I'll get through this nasty thing and beat down the beast.

[syrrxman]

Trying to go AF

Happy Mom's day

Hey happy Mom's day Daisy-doo....you can beat this thing.

I am new to being Af....the first few days suck! I tried a bunch of times to go Af and now I am at 12 days....probably the longest I have gone in years.

Stay hydrated, eat well, I wrote down how bad I felt the first day....to remind myself not to have to put myself through it again.

The other thing that I have found has helped, is that I am taking all the supps. Every morning I arrange them in a med cassette for 5 different times of the day. It gave me some structure and when I craved, I tried to think I just need to make it to the next dosing time. Mostly I think it gave me some structure to adhere to. Made it feel like I was doing something actively about it...when most of the time it just felt like the alcohol was running me. At least with controlling what I put into my body and taking the supps, felt like I was taking more control.

You can do this...just figure out what works for you! And there is always people here who understand how tough it is...