Trying yet again

[Life]

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I am 39 and have been battling this for at least 20 years. It has now come to ahead and my husband and I spoke today and he said that perhaps we should seperate. We love each other dearly he controls his drinking, but I haven't ever been able to. If I don't do something serious now I will loose him. We have two small children and I don't want us to part. So why is it so hard for me to stop when I am faced with this option. My family or the drink. I feel pathetic that I cannot stick to not drinking. I have done aa and seen counselers over the years, and yet I still do it. I really don't know what to do next. We have decided to give ourselves 6 months, but he is sceptical that we can work it out. I am hungover today, and really don't want to drink anymore because I hate what it is doing. But then tomorrow I will feel better, and in a few days, I won't think I have a problem at all. Although my drinking has been the cause of many issues, he has never ever talked about seperating. I don't drink everyday, but there is no such thing as a couple of drinks with me. I am wasting my life, I don't know what to do to stay off it. I know my life will be 100% better if I don't drink, and that of my family too. I don't drink in the day, but start at about 5pm. I am sick of it, but I have been saying that for years... I don't know what to do next...

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Trying yet again

Welcome, Life.... you aren't alone.

You've come to a great place to start. Many of us can relate to a certain "witching hour" when the tug of alcohol overwhelms any rational thought. :alf:

There are several good books that can help you find your way. One that I read recently was called, "Goodbye Hangovers, Hello Life" by Jean Kirkpatrick. I never heard of Jean Kirkpatrick before I started my journey, and she is my personal hero. Back in the 70's, when AA was the only solution for alcoholism, Jean went to a couple of meetings and felt that since the predominant participants were male, she did not fit in. Therefore, she went on to start a group called "Women for Sobriety" to help women cope with their drinking. Of course, this was all pre-www.com. She's written several books about women and alcoholism, and her contention is that this disease is not just a "social one", but a bio-chemical one. Would you treat heart disease with pep talks? Of course not.... I'm not saying that AA and counseling isn't a good path for you, but it must be done while recognizing that there is a bio-chemical screw that's loose in your brain. It's loose In my brain too!

My second hero in this battle is RJ, the founder of this site. RJ's story is also courageous, because she realized that this physical addiction could be treated, and latched on to scientific data about topamax. Someone mentioned hypnotism to her, and another light bulb went on- so she developed hypnotic tapes that deal with attitudes about drinking. And once she figured this all out, she took the bull by the horns again, wrote a book about her story, and started this web site. Rather than sit in the corner with a bunch of coulda-woulda-shouldas, RJ took action that we all benefit from tonight. :h

You CAN change. You, my friend, are not pathetic- however, this sneaky critter called alcohol IS the pathetic one. It mesmerized you, convinced you to re-adjust your priorities, and helped you rationalize why lifetime commitments are squandered. It's been your "best friend" for 20 years, right?

You will have to reach inside, and find that wonderful woman that's been hanging around, waiting to be rescued. You can stop wasting your LIFE today, Mrs. Life....

Stay close. READ. Get rid of the alcohol in your house. Get supplements and vitamins. Drink water.

Jean Kirkpatrick started this list for me, and through this website, I've found more wisdom. These fifteen thoughts are posted on my computer, and I've also printed them out and placed them in strategic places- like, near the beer fridge. In my car, on the visor, next to my 10 year old's picture (helps prevent ABC Liquor store detours). In my daytimer, so when my friends ask if I want to go out for one, I remember why I'm going to say no....

1. I have a life threatening problem that once had me.
2. I am what I think.
3. I take charge of myself and accept the responsibility to get better.
4. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
5. Love can change the course of my world.
6. The object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
7. The past is gone forever.
8. All love shared is returned.
9. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
10. I am a competent, caring, compassionate and courageous woman.
11. I have much to give back to my family.
12. I put my life into order everyday, knowing my priorities.
13. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
14. Life is not counted in days, but in the moments.
15. I have not failed 1000 times. I have successfully found 1000 ways that do not work.

Stay close. We are all on this journey together. Much love, :heart:

[Determinator]

Trying yet again

Happy life , great post!

Life, I'm a 37YO guy that only just recently as of a year ago started to take my addiction to alcohol seriously. It's not been easy but I' so glad I didn't put it off any longer. Have you downloaded the MWO book? it's the place to start for so many of us and can answer many questions.
I'm hoping the very best for you. Welcome to a wonderful community.

[Victory]

Trying yet again

Welcome

:welcome: life, we are all here because we have a problem with alcohol. It seems you have reached the crossroads and a decision needs to be made. We are all here to help you and each other. Please keep reading these posts and let us know how you are going. Kind regards. Aunty Vic

[poohbear]

Trying yet again

lLfe, your story sounds so much like mine. I too am 39 and my hubby also does not drink. Many times we have threatened each other that we are going to leave but yet we dont do it cause we do love each other and we both want to see it work but i feel i am ready for a nervous break down. I just called my dad tonight and i think i am going to talk to my manager from work tomorrow and ask for a leave for a few weeks and my dad is going to send me a plane ticket to go see him for awhile. I just feel that i need to get awhile for awhile - for me maybe that might be the best thing for not only myself but my marriage. I too am a mom to 3 boys ages 15 18 and 20 and i try to be the best mom and wife i can be but feel i am failing. I dont want to see you in the same boat. I guess what I am saying is that I so totally understand where you are coming from and what drives you to the AL, but AL is not the answer but i cant preach that to you. So for me maybe the answer is to get away for awhile for u hun I dont know what it is. I just wanted u to know i feel for u and my heart is right there with yours.

[Kirova]

Trying yet again

Life, you have a lot to fight for and I'm glad you realize that. You're amongst friends who will support you every step of the way...because we understand. Been there, done that, and refuse to give up. :h

[elsie17]

Trying yet again

i feel so sad for you, because i myself have faced these dilemnas, i am still drinking in spite of the ultimatums my husband has issued me, he is still with me, but I see that look in his eyes that used to be unconditional love and is now strained and not sure.He has put up with so much since I have been drinking heavily,and I have been terrified many times that he will leave me but at this moment in time I feel he is still behind me and I can give up drinkingfor myself . I now believe this is possible too and it really doesn't always have to be negative and depressing. communication with your partner,husband/wife is essential and if they are worth anything they will help u through it.Take heart, if not from me there are many other lovely ,more experienced than me.god bless

[elsie17]

Trying yet again

i feel so sad for you, because i myself have faced these dilemnas, i am still drinking in spite of the ultimatums my husband has issued me, he is still with me, but I see that look in his eyes that used to be unconditional love and is now strained and not sure.He has put up with so much since I have been drinking heavily,and I have been terrified many times that he will leave me but at this moment in time I feel he is still behind me and I can give up drinkingfor myself . I now believe this is possible too and it really doesn't always have to be negative and depressing. communication with your partner,husband/wife is essential and if they are worth anything they will help u through it.Take heart, if not from me there are many other lovely ,more experienced than me.god bless

[Jimmycrackcorn]

Trying yet again

Life;284128 wrote: - I am hungover today, and really don't want to drink anymore because I hate what it is doing. But then tomorrow I will feel better, and in a few days, I won't think I have a problem at all. Although my drinking has been the cause of many issues, he has never ever talked about seperating. I don't drink everyday, but there is no such thing as a couple of drinks with me. I am wasting my life, I don't know what to do to stay off it. I know my life will be 100% better if I don't drink, and that of my family too. I don't drink in the day, but start at about 5pm. I am sick of it, but I have been saying that for years... I don't know what to do next...

Wow, didnt I just post that 2 days ago? I have been amazed by the wealth of stories on this website just like ours. I have good feelings about the people here. However if they are all like me we are in trouble.

Good luck!

[Life]

Trying yet again

By chance

I just wanted to say that you are all amazing, each with words that are real and what I needed to hear. I am not alone. I came across this site by chance (or was it). It is just wonderful to have that unconditional support, for you all to take the time to reach out is just wonderful. I was thinking last night about my attitude and I had a realisation that I can be excited about this. Yes the thought of no more hangovers, guilt, repulsion, anger and wasting my life is very exciting. I am only day two, however with the support of all you wonderful people we can do this together. It really is a lift reading your replies. The love and nurture from people who don't know me from a bar of soap is very special, but then I guess you do know me, because we are fighting the same battle. Sunshine and happiness to you all.

[LVT25]

Trying yet again

Life--Hang in there, read all the wonderful posts, read the "My Way Out" book. I've never been in given an ultimatum by my husband because he drinks as much as I do. But, I'm sick of feeling like S#$% physically and mentally. I have 2 young boys that I want to be a better mom to. There are so many reasons to do this!! I found myself having that urge for a nice cold beer and a cigarette about 5:00, but I had a big glass of homeade tomato juice instead!!! Keep your chin up--you can do this!!

:l Mimi