Trying to start

[jls10]

I'm going try to make this short and sweet because, as usual in my life, I am pressed for time. But I would like to become a member of the community because I know that I will need the support as I undertake this journey. I am a mother of two schoolage girls, I am divorced but living with a SO for a while now. We speak of marriage but he is worried about my drinking. I resent that, and can understand that at the same time. I am 37 yrs old, and I have enjoyed drinking since high school, though at different levels and in different situations. My ex -H is a huge drinker, yes, I"m sure alcoholic, and to top it all off, he's a bartender. during our 10 years together, we drank together during the usual times (socially, out to dinner, etc...) but as our marriage fell apart, he was "out" all the time, drinking and socializing while I was home with the kids. I began to drink alone at that point, not too much, but more often and more than one should as a mother, in my opinion. Trying to make the story short, we divorced, and my drinking got worse. I have a wonderful boyfriend, we've been together for almost 4 years, and he has slowly begun to realize how much I drink, and hide it. I have wonderful job, I'm 1/2 way to my masters degree=== most people would never know. But my daughters know, they see the difference in me, and I know. I"m not who I could be. My May Out sounds like a great program..I"ve purchased all the supplements, I'm just waiting for another paycheck to buy the hypno therapy and possibly topomax (I"m a little not sure about that - any suggestions?) I could go on forever, but the bottom line is that I NEED this. I am losing myself, I've gained tons of weight, I look forward to coming home and drinking ( I never drink before or during work) and during the weekends I'm beginning to want to drink by around 10am- it's nuts. I hate it. I want to be free of it. I drink wine and beer mostly. I can't believe I have allowed this to escalate the way it has. My daughters do not need to see me drinking everyday, as controlled and "normal" as I make it to them ...I mean, I'm not passed out and bombed every night or anything. But I'm not what I could be, and I feel trapped within this addction. I really need to get going. Anyone who reads this, thank you, its hard to be honest. I want to stop drinking....abstinence for a month or longer, and who knows maybe I can handle moderation someday. Right now, I need to NOT drink.

[tawnyfrog]

Trying to start

Hi Jls .... :welcome:


Good to have you here. Take a deep breath and read as much as you can absorb. We all know what you're talking about - we've all been there.

Look forward to seeing you around. It honestly can get better.

[Accountable for Me]

Trying to start

:welcome: jls10!

Glad you found us. You will get tons of support here and believe me when I say this program can really change your life. I look forward to seeing you around the boards.

[Victory]

Trying to start

Welcome jls

Yep jls, it?s hard to be honest but also it?s such a relief, to finally put in words what we knew but try to hide from others and ourselves. :goodjob: for the first step. I agree with Tawny it can get better, but we have to really want it to get better. See you around. Kind regards, Aunty Vic

[Lefty]

Trying to start

Wow, jls! Reading your post gave me chills. We have a LOT of parallels. I'm glad we're new here together. I have NO advice for you because I'm in exactly the same boat as you, but I look forward to seeing more of your posts and wish you lots of success.

[Life]

Trying to start

Same boat

I am new here as well, have not taken the supplements yet, but the support is terrific. I seem to be a mirror of you, but with younger children and a wonderful husband. I am day 3 af and am having a tough time. I am trying to get there for my family and myself to be the best person I can be, because the al takes that away from me and makes me feel things I don't want to feel about myself. You can do it, I have come to the conclusion that a loving relationship and family is far more important than al. You sound like you have that, keep hold of it. 3 days ago my husband had a heart to heart with me and said he is giving me 6 months to get my act together, we love each other very much, but he has had enough of the hangovers, moods etc It was a shock that he said this as I thought we would always be together, but it was an eye opener, no more than that, a heart breaker... I don't want to choose al anymore over my family as I have been doing for the past years. My kids are young, my 5 year old said to me "Mummy why do you drink wine and why does your voice change" yet I continued to drink. Now I am choosing not too. You are a strong, smart women and with the support that is out there you can do it. I was tossing up 1/2 an hour ago wether to go to the bottle shop, I came on here and it has passed. People keep telling me keeping reading these and talking, it has helped me through this moment, and if it has done it this time, then I know I can reach out anytime I need. You can too. Good luck, you are a good person, believe in yourself.

[Kirova]

Trying to start

jls, this is a great environment to start your journey. I can't speak to the topamax, but the supplements have worked very well for me. Plus all the great support of this caring community. We're all here for each other. :h

[Nicole2003]

Trying to start

Hi there and welcome. There are lots of mums on here and you'll find your story has similarities to many others. You've made a great decision to come here and I have no doubt you'll find the strength to succeed.
Nicole

[paula]

Trying to start

Hello JLS nd welcome. Hope you find all the help and support that you need.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Trying to start

HI to you, and all the other "newbies" who posted here...

You will be suprised and amazed to find the many, many, people here who you will relate to, not just drinking-wise, but in general. This site is filled with many highly educated, professional, otherwise socially successful moms. (as well as others of course, but I think you guys fit the above).

I too am a mom of two very together kids, a professional (ph.d), married, bleh, bleh. From the outside, all is ok. From the inside, much is ok...I have a good family, we are close, marriage is good, relationship with kids is good BUT...the drinking problem is major (and yes, effecting the aforementioned ).

Stick around the site. You will find so many tools offerred and loads of support from others, similar or not. It is all good.

Wish you best on your journey

Beth

[meditation mama]

Trying to start

Welcome, jls!

I applaud you for your post. It takes so much courage to come and admit our addicions, especially as Mothers. I just watched a program that 60% of Mothers hide some sort of addiction, wonder if that is true. I am sure it is a large number, nonetheless. I can definately relate to your feelings and your desire to be more present. You will be amazed at the ease in which your life can flow without drinking, truly!

I would suggest just giving yourself a 30 day goal, you need that much time to clear your head, then you can decide what you want to do from there. But you MUST take each and every one of those 30 days very slowly and treat them individually. Join one of the Daily threads, like the March Madness or the Daily Thread Abstinance. It will give you something to focus on each day and then the days will add up on their own.

Also make sure you have a plan.. you ordered the supps, that's great. Topa works for a lot of people (I take it), but ask a lot of quesitons, start a thread and read Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds - My Way Out Forums for more info on the subject. Plan activities for the times you would normally drink, come here! Really plan to be here for the first week - that is HUGE! Post and read and post and read.. and ask for help.. we are here!

Good luck, girl. You can do this!

Namaste,

MM

[aquamarine]

Trying to start

Welcome JLS. I can relate to alot of your story, although I have 2 children in middle school and high school and a husband who essentially doesn't drink except for the occasional social beer. You sound like you are working very hard to keep your drinking under control and still maintaining being responsible and a good mother. Believe me I know how stressful and exhausting that can be. It sounds like your alcohol use is slowly insidiously progressing on you. That's the way it works , many people here I 'm sure can relate. It can get to the point where. although you do have some control, the whole process of the alcohol actually physically making you dependent, grabs hold and because you don't see it coming it just progresses. I have to say I thought I was a pretty together person and truly did not see this coming at me like a freight train. But - there is hope! I am about a year ahead of you it sounds like. Everyone is different but my advise is to go AF for a month ( or any amount of time). I think saying I'll never drink again is pretty unrealistic and can set you up for getting really down on yourself which is so detrimental.
Even if you don't succeed in the month just keep starting over and stringing some days together. It is a slow process. I am no expert but it seems that any amount of time with no alcohol lets you brain heal a bit and gets you a little closer to getting free of being dependent on it. Come here and read and post and you will be amazed at how much it helps. Take Care, Aquamarine

[Di]

Trying to start

Welcome JLS:

I just found this site on Monday when I picked up my first Rx for Campral (a fairly new drug to the US to reduce alcohol cravings). I haven't had a drink since Saturday evening. Have had only a couple of cravings, which when I voiced them disappeared!!!

I've viewed a lot of posts since Monday and it helps a lot, too.

I wish you well. Any encouraging words from others to me as I approach the end of day 5 AF will be SO appreciated.

Welcome again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Diana

:new:

[Sunbeam]

Trying to start

Welcome,
Alcohol Free for 30 days is a good way to go. After that, your mind will be clearer. You will see what your life is like without alcohol. Believe in success.

[bald headed old guy]

Trying to start

jls, di, all the "newcomers!" :welcome: I found this site about 60 days ago and it has been wonderful..the support, suggestions, comments were all part of my plan to get my addiction under control.. Currently working on a goal of 30+ days A/F, you can do it, if you are ready to! Read the posts..you'll find you are in here with a lot of people just like you! post when you can..read RJ's book when you can, it helps outline the program!
Looking forward to getting to know you better!
BHOG