muddled and amused

[muddled muse]

How lovely to read stories like my own.
I am so tired of the shame, the guilt, the mouth drying rock in the pit of the stomach..

the thinking, "I said, what!":blush:

I took myself off to my doctor almost three weeks ago and asked him to put me onto antabuse.
He looked very confused.
"Usually I'm the one requesting my patients, not my patients requesting me"

The thing is, I want a life.
I want to wake up feeling rested, alive, guilt free.
I want to live moment by moment free of emotional gloves masking my emotion.
I want to sing, becuase I can and not because I'm plastered.
I want to just be free of the panic when the bottle empties and the hostess has nothing left in the cellar.

Yet I am afraid,
I am afraid of the empty late afternoon shadow,
I am afraid of the party without my best friend
I am afraid of the dread of being boring
I am afraid of the light of being so sober, so often.

I both welcome and dread change.

I reached my 15 days sobriety status.. and went and blew it. I did not even enjoy getting drunk. I woke up with an antabuse headache from hell and the question, "what the hell happened?"

So this is my first post, one of many, I hope.

[Waves 2]

muddled and amused

:welcome: to the site. Your post is soooooo true.

Well done on the 15 days. You have taken the first step. You might like to read some of the posts on long term abstention. They are very inspiring. X-texan has opened his heart on several occasions. I would suggest you check him out.

Waves

[Kirova]

muddled and amused

Hi muddled muse and welcome! The fact that you want all those things in your life is excellent motivation to kick AL to the curb. And I totally understand your fears. Thing is...I think giving up your life to alcohol is far scarier. Good on you for the 15 days -- shows your on the way. Keep reading and posting...you're in a good place, among friends. :h

[My New Beginning]

muddled and amused

:welcome: Muddled Muse
You have come to the right place. You will find comfort and alot of support here.
Good Luck!

[betty boop]

muddled and amused

Hi Muddled & :welcome:

What a wonderful first post ........

Well done on your 15 days that is excellent, keep us posted .........

[skygal12]

muddled and amused

Hi muddled - wow, you were able to actually drink with antabuse? I heard it makes you deathly ill....

Good job on the 15 days! Have you heard of the topamax? I take that and it actually takes away the cravings so you don't WANT to drink...more of a preventive drug rather than a reactive drug....

Welcome - you will find much support here.

[Ask For Help]

muddled and amused

Welcome

Congratulations and Welcome:

There are several threads on this site that you might like, and who would welcome your perspective. The Monthly Abstainers has a daily check in and I know one or two of those folks are on antabuse or thinking about it. There is also a ODAT thread in this Just Starting Out" section with at daily check in. Jump in and you will find a great set of folks ready to welcome you.
But please do be careful with drinking on Antabuse, as it can have effects worse than a bad headache!

Fondly
AFH

[Thankful]

muddled and amused

Muddled :welcome:

Great job on your 15 days! That's a great accomplishment. You should be proud.

Just think back on what actually triggered you to drink. Really think about what made you take that first sip. You will learn a lot.

And I hope you don't mind, but I copied part of your post in hopes of maybe giving you some advise.

Yet I am afraid, Please don't be. We are here for you. Only good things can come from this.
I am afraid of the empty late afternoon shadow, An afternoon that can now be filled with doing something you've been putting off or time spent learning a new hobby.
I am afraid of the party without my best friend AL never, ever was a friend. Just the devil in disguise!
I am afraid of the dread of being boring Again, AL misled us into thinking if we drank we were insightful! How could that be when we were slurring words and stumbling? I'm sure you sound much more intelligent w/o booze. Think about when your sober having to listen to someone whose drunk? Do they ever sound like a fascinating person? I think not.
I am afraid of the light of being so sober, so often. Let the light in! Let warmth fill your soul. Accept the rays energy and glow from within!

I both welcome and dread change. Change can be scary, but the gifts it will bring will be the most rewarding you will ever receive.

I commend you on your choice to use Antabuse. You are brave. Stay strong. Best of luck on your journey.

Love, Me
:l

[tea]

muddled and amused

Hi Muddled, huge welcome to you and thanks for your post, I am really interested in any info about antibuse, I haven't used it myself but feel that ifdid have something like that then the 'struggling' days wouldn't be so hard to get through. Do you have to take them everyday for them to work or could you just take one when you are struggling or in a situation where you may drink?

Lx