To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

[stayingsober1dayatatime]

I have been told not to get into a relationship (with a woman silly) for 12 months after becoming sober.
I have not felt the pleasure of being in love for maybe 10 years now and, quite frankly I am lonely. I miss having a wonderful women by my side, holding hands and yes kissing :land of course making love with her .
I would like your views as to this.
Thank you.
Love,
John S.

[FallenAngel]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

[QUOTE=stayingsober1dayatatime;289044]I have been told not to get into a relationship (with a woman silly) for 12 months after becoming sober.
QUOTE]

I have been told by long term quitters, that it's best not to make any major decisions that could alter your life (getting married, divorced, changing job or location on a whim..that sort of thing) because emotionally, you will be going through all kinds of transformations in your thinking, and it's best to stay focused on your sobriety first & foremost.
I'm sure each one of us is different in what we can handle & when, so IMO, you will be the best judge of when the time is right.... and of course, you have to wait for the right one to come along too! LOL

[KateH1]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

I have always heard and read the same theory. I think in regards to getting into a relationship it is because of the emotional feelings that a relationship is sure to bring out. I also think it is because if the relationship is not healthy or ends, this could be a trigger to drinking.

But, John, you have not had a relationship for a very long time. Perhaps this thought about wanting a relationship is another sign of your improved health and mental health! I do think it would hurt, to begin imagining what your perfect relationship will look like! It won't be long!

xx Kate

[Accountable for Me]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

Yep - I have heard the same in regards to waiting at least a year before making a huge life-altering change...

Just as Kate has said, you have been alone for quite some time and this may be another sign of all around improved health.

I truly believe everything good comes when it is suppose to.

[Cinders]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

John,

I know everyone else is saying "go for it!!" and I would love to say that!! Truly.

I am saying "go for your sobriety."

Every minute, every second, every hour, every day.

I wish I could say "GO FOR IT." but I can't. You MUST make your sobriety and your life about sobriety. Period.

The rest is cream.

If someone "falls into your lap" who is understanding and knowing. GREAT. Otherwise, please do not get involved. It will hurt you and it will hurt her.

You are on a single purpose trip right now. Sobriety. Period.

I am having "issues" with my 32+ years hubby who "does not get this." I do not want to leave him, but I will if that is what it takes...

Love,
Cindi

[Noelle]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

I agree with what Cindi said....."If someone falls into your lap" and is understanding of what's going on with you, I mean really understands, then go for it.......but slowly. If she doesn't understand that....never mind. It's tough being lonely, I know. Just live the way you are and see what happens. You just never know, right John? :h

[stayingsober1dayatatime]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

Thanks for all the wonderful advice all.
I think I will stop looking and let time take it's course.
Love,
John S.

[trixietrack]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

I think it will come when you are emotionally and spiritually ready. that is what I am telling myself. I flirt and keep close friends who are very supportive to keep that 'lonely feeling' away, but deep down inside, I know I don't want to be in a serious relationship.

I am not me 100% and would not want to give someone the wrong signals.

[Croft]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

Once you met someone then let's chat again. I want to hear all about it! I just love new love!

[keeta]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

Hang in there....and stop "looking". Love will find you when you are *ready*...until then enjoy the new sober you!
love and hugs,
K

[KatieSmiles]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

well, I know you're old but are you cute?

[stayingsober1dayatatime]

To be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship..

Am I cute?

Well.......yes. Even if I say so myself ..:huggy