Feeling alone

[Croft]

Feeling alone

Just caught up on this thread.

Keeta - I hope today is fiindiding you in better spirits. You surely can't be feeling as lonely as you did when you first posted this. This site over-runneth.

You have been given tons of great advice. Keep us posted as the days roll on.

And much love and support to you as you continue your journey......

Croft

[keeta]

Feeling alone

Croft...I am better but not...the impending doom time is around now. I clock watch for when hubby comes home...I used to love it...anxious to feel his hugs and kisses...now I just want his nagging to STOP, LOL. Start getting anxious about what he will think...
Thank you for the love and support. I can use it all.

love and hugs,
K

[lillyatter]

Feeling alone

Hi Keeta...I just got done reading this whole thread and i am just so sad.I am pretty new here,so I am sure that you don't know me but I have read A LOT of inspiring,kind,loving posts from you,and i just want to make it go away:upset:...I feel your pain in SO many of the same ways,but this is about you,not me,so won't get into all that ....but I did want to tell you that you are NOT alone!There are probably MILLIONS of women like us who are feeling the same way,losing their minds more and more every day!(oh my gosh,when you said your family looks at you like you grew 3 heads when you ask for help-i know it is wrong-but i couldn't help but laug out loud!holt shit,do i know that look,lol!ooh,it kinda get's my blood burning just thinking about it,grrr.....but,we know it's our own damn fault,don't we?ANd i ihink you said something about feeling like you deserve to feel miserable?I do to why?hell if i know?why would that ever make any sense?We have created beautiful children,nourished them w/ our love and time and EVERYTHING ELSE that we have to give for years!I am sure that you,like me,have been a wonderful person to many during your life,been a good daughter,a caring friend,kind to strangers,blah blah blah.....I know that when my mom died (it was sudden,and i felt and STILL feel i could have kept it from happening-alcohol has been a way to numb myself from thinking about it as well as a great way to punish myself.(Ewwww....reading that makes me sick!!!)
I guess i am really not making any great point here,just wanting to get across to you that it is not right for us to treat ourselves lesser then we treat the goddamn grocery clerk!we have important jobs,taking care of our children (anD I'M SORRY,BUT F-- your hubby calling you a waste of life-THAT is called insecurity and manipulation on his part there-Keeta,don't you let him try to keep you down like that!he is obviously so insecure w/ himself that he feels that he needs to keep you down in the mud,because otherwise,GOD FORBID!Keeta might remember that she is a beautiful worthwhile woman who has a lot to offer and is going to see thru his shit and kick him to the curb!Sorry if i am out of line,i realize I am basing these thoughts on a couple of posts.Anyway,try to keep your chin up,sweet girl,remember there are people out there going thru the same shit (oh my god,I don't even have time to get into the clutter in my garage...I will have to tell you about my 1/2 done projects ALL over my house and garage sometime!You think your house is a mess..oh,honey.....I am thinking of you:l 4 yr old has had it,will write more later!Till then...KEETA YOU ARE AMAZING,DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!!!!!

[keeta]

Feeling alone

rebecca...hey sweetie, I just got home, and have a ton to do, inluding putting away a massive amount of groceries..I am hiding at the keyboard with a tea, avoiding it like the plague! I just wanted to say thank you for your post, and I will get back and address you properly when the chaos dies down (hmmmm...does it ever??LOL)

much love and hugs to you!
K

[Suzanna]

Feeling alone

Rebecca, your post made tons of sense! Our lives are chaos all the time and hubby's don't understand. I could feel your pain and understanding through your post to Keeta, and it made me feel happy for her to know she was understood. I bet you got close anyway to how it was and is for her, we gals know about being underappreciated and overlooked when it comes to our feelings. Peace to you both. :h Suz

[lillyatter]

Feeling alone

Suzanna-how nice are you that you go to the trouble of writing a post just so that you could tell me how nice MINE was ....Thank you for your thoughts,I am feeling really awful today, because yesterday my emotions went into overdrive and i spoke a BIT too much w/ out thinking first-and am regretting it. I stsrted my period todsy and have forgotten to get my prozac refilled for about,oh,4 days now?Really smart,I highly recommend anyone who is on anti-depressants to just go off for a few days and see how truly crazy you REALLY can be nfire:....lolol-JUST KIDDING!!!!anyway,it was really nice for me to see your post today,made me feel like i at least did some good somewhere.haha!let's hope our sweet Keeta is feeling a little better today!She is so awesome,I just adore her words and it makes me sad to think of anyone feeling the way she was.god knows I know it!

[lookingforhope]

Feeling alone

Keeta....so much good advice here, not sure what to add. I'm also 40 and feelings many of the same things. I'm cycling with the alcohol and I understand the "doom", and I understand working all the damn time but not getting anything done. I understand how your situation (our situations) impact our very soul.

Now, I hope you dont mind me saying this...but that SOB!!!!! How dare him say those demeaning hateful things to you!!!!! He needs a swift kick in the ass because in my opinion saying that like is considered severe emotional abuse. No wonder your depressed. I was verbally abused for 9 years, and nothing can slowly take away your spirit and self esteem than living through that on a daily basis. He needs to get his damn act straight, and he's fu**** lucky he has you!!!!! Keeta, you are an awesome woman. You are intelligient, you are strong, and you are doing the best you can. He can go to hell!!!!! (sorry, if I shouldnt have said those things) And the next time he says that, if I were you, as difficult as it may, I would pack your damn bags and leave for a few days to get his damn attention before he continues in this destruction of YOU!!!!

[lillyatter]

Feeling alone

keeta..how are you?

:lbeen thinking about you...

[keeta]

Feeling alone

Hi Rebecca,
Hey, no worries on the laughing at the family looking at me like I am a kook, for asking for help. We need to find humour in all this crap! *hugs* Also, when you say it is our fault, you are 100% correct. The shitter is, why did we ever allow ourselves to believe we should do it all? For me it is definately self esteem issues, I think. Then trying to prove I am NOT the failure I think/believe I am?? (does that even make sense??? LOL)

My hubby is very passive-aggresive most of the time. Even if I clean all day, and cook a great dinner, etc, he will point out I didn't put the laundry away. Straight to the negative, ignoring the positive. So his comment hurt even more deeply, because it was so unlike him to be so outwardly mean.
I know I am responsible for part of the screwy dynamics of our reltionship, because of what I allow to go on, and things I cause directly. I often wish I could just "wake up" and find the great, awesome *me*, and fix all the wrongs, and make them right, ya know????

It sounds like we have a lot in common...and though I may not have any answers, I would love to chat with you! I could also pm you my email addy if you like.:h


Suzanna...isn't this such an awesome place. A person can reach out in friendship, or need, and there are so many hands reaching back. Blah, now I made myself all weepy! But in a good way!

lookingforhope...I wonder if there is really something hormonal going on with me, and this impending 4-0. Something has changed recently...and definately not for the better. I don't know if all the drinking and emotional crap has just compounded, or if it is something else.
Some days I wake up and feel a renewed hope, but most days I am tired of fighting and feel like saying screw it. I can't go there. I think at this point I may be walking a very thin line, and I need to make a choice...very very soon, on how to proceed, before I create a bigger problem for myself to deal with. Thank you for posting...it is nice to feel not so alone...that is a very ugly place to be...kind of feeling hopeless...so thank you for reaching out! *big hugs to you*