Social out vs Staying in............

[universal]

Just curious............I can go out socially and order non alc drinks without a problem.......

But alone by myself? Not so much.........

Anyone else have this issue? Any advice?

[AMELIA]

Social out vs Staying in............

Hi Universal,
I am not quite sure what you are saying....
It is great you can go out and feel ok ordering non alc drinks! When you are at home by yourself do you find it difficult to drink non alc drinks there?
If that is the case,....I guess you have to go out more
Sounds like you are doing OK.
x

[Bessie]

Social out vs Staying in............

Good grief Universal. Just about every post you make is mirrored by how I feel/act/am in my AF struggle!! So, yes, I have that issue!! But as for advice - I'm a bit too close to the problem. The only real solution for me, and it only works sometimes, is a tip I took from you anyway! To open a bottle of AF wine instead. That only really works if there is no 'real' wine in the house but it certainly does keep me away from any other alcoholic drink. Perhaps when we are by ourselves there is nobody to see us drinking too much - no social pressure. It's our 'reward' for a busy/successful day. Our 'me' time. That's how it feels to me anyway.

Living in the sticks means that going out tends to involve driving and I am very happy to do the driving and stick to non al drinks. It's easy. But you know that.

Anyway, I'll watch this thread with interest. See if anyone can come up with some inspirational thoughts.

Bessie xxx (who suspects she might be Universal's long lost twin!!)

PS Anyone want a go at feeding the stroppy wiggly squiggly piglet? How can something so small and only 2 days old be so bloody loud and strong....??

[savon19]

Social out vs Staying in............

Hi Universal - I'm only on my second day, so not sure if I shd be offering advice yet...

But I can relate to what you say (see my post about Boredom). When you're home alone, there's no one watching what you do, so it's easy to have "one too many". Also, the boredom factor is there... When out, you're distracted by people and not looking at the same four walls at home.

There's also the DUI factor when out! At home, you don't have to worry about that... unless, God forbid, you suddenly had something v. important to do after drinking too much at home!!

I think so much about stopping any habit is understanding the triggers. Home alone is definitely one for me!

Good Luck!

[LVT25]

Social out vs Staying in............

Before I started thw MWO program I would drink too much at home AND when I went out. I think I drank so much at home for several reasons.
1. It (and a ciggie) was a reward for when I had worked hard cleaning house or working outside.
2. My hubby and I would sit and visit while we drank beer together.

3. I didn't have to worry about drinking and driving.

4. When I had enough I could just go to bed.

Once I started MWO (and quit smoking) I don't like to drink at home so much (I still want to smoke when I drink). I can keep busy doing other things like reading, cooking, spending time with the kids, going for a walk.....It just doesn't seem worth it to drink--I guess the seed is planted.

BUT when I go out----I still don't have control at times. Especially around certain friends, and special functions. If I don't drink, I don't have much fun, and I get kinda grumpy. When I do drink, I lose my willpower against the smokes (I am the world's worse mooch).
I have been given advice to be the DD, etc. I'm not sure I could be counted on for that. That is hard to admit. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble. I did have a couple of beers after work yesterday, (quit after 3) came home and had none. So that is either an improvement or I was just too @#$%#@ tired!!

Hang in there everybody!

[livingfree]

Social out vs Staying in............

Uni - I know EXACTLY what you are saying. No one really suspected that I had a drinking problem because they really wouldn't see me drinking - I would drink when alone. I could more than control it when out socially. I really don't know the answer but I suspect that it is because I don't like being alone with my feelings and memories? I "think" to much? I have to "numb" the pain of living with myself??

I know this all sounds "deep" - but it is worth digging into. I also was a smoker - also a "closet" smoker. So what's up with all this 'alone' time ... slowly killing ourselves??

We are repressing feelings ... but Why?

Now that I have been AF for 2 1/2 months what am I doing in that "alone" time? Sitting on the computer!! :H Taking a lot of bubble baths .... writing scary things in my journal :egad:
Praying that I can deal with all the feelings that come up and not turn back to drinking.

So to answer your question without all the rambling .... I think we do it because we actually enjoy the company of others and don't need to self medicate. We can control the drinking because we are really enjoying being "engaged" with others. OR at least "occupied". I think we wait until we are alone and we drown our darkest fears in the alcohol. Somehow it seems to medicate the scary feelings deep inside of us. And when we stop the medication .... we have to find some other way to deal with all of these scary feelings inside of us ... because they are still there.

That my dear - is what I am daily trying to figure out what to do. The supplements are helping. The exercise is helping. The CD's are helping. But more than anything else my shouting at God seems to be getting through.

Love to you
Liv

[FinallyRN]

Social out vs Staying in............

aaahhhhhh she started the thread....Universal and I were talking about this and she decided to put it out there.
I have a hard time going out. None staying at home. Boredom, lonliness, doesn't start me drinkning. I almost wish it did, I could have saved myself a lot of embarrassment among friends and co-workers. So when I go AF, I can't accept any invitations and I don't go out to eat. At home I just think of things to do..... I'm kinda like Vettech, I get sad when I go out and don't participate. I want to leave as soon as politely possible. Funny enough parties are a little easier because I can bounce around from one person to another until I find someone I can talk to. Sitting down at dinner makes me look at everyones glass with envy.

[bald headed old guy]

Social out vs Staying in............

Universal, and others:
I find "total alone time" to be a trigger for me. When I used to travel alone a lot, the hotel room gets real boring, I would pop over to the local package store, buy some wine, and go back to the room. TV seemed much more entertaining then for some reason. I've cut way back on my alone travel this year (2008) and have not traveled alone since I stopped drinking, so I can't tell if I have acquired enough will power to not repeat the same pattern. I can only hope I have! Now I think I would probably just get on here and be a real pest in the chat room and catch up on my older posts that I had not responded to.
I don't really have a lot of "total alone time" at home so that has not yet been an issue. Again, I think I would probably get on this site and spend my time in this manner.
Stay Strong!
BHOG

[Beaches]

Social out vs Staying in............

Universal, for me staying sober when I am out is easy because I don't want to look like a fool in front of people in my very small home town.

At home I think we just feel safer even though the people in our homes are the ones we are impacting the most. The one's we need to stay sober for and of course for ourselves and self worth.

[universal]

Social out vs Staying in............

Thank you guys for sharing with me and letting me know that I am not "alone" in my "drinking alone". All of you have said some great things that really are hitting home........I think it's true, the lonliness of being alone is the real killer...............hmmmmm...........at least I know what my main trigger is......now how to stop it......that is the question. I guess I'll just keep trying! Thanks for the support guys.....

[SK8RGRL]

Social out vs Staying in............

Living free...
Gosh, you said that for me!! I always drank alone...my private party!! and woe betide anyone who interupted it or came between me and my wine! I am 2 months and 10 days sober and, like you.. am glued to laptop for all of those "drinking Hours" - trade 1 thing for another. Thats me. I also needed the drink to block out how I was feeling.. I am sure you speak for many xxx

[universal]

Social out vs Staying in............

I hope to trade the computer for the drink........problem is it is hard for me to be on the computer sometimes because of my child...............god..........I hate AL

[changemylife]

Social out vs Staying in............

I too have a problem drinking alone at home. Drinking alone means one can not have to worry about anyone or anything. No Driving, No Talking, Nothing except maybe steps, cutlery, and powertools. Many nights I would drink socially, come home and pound. Nothing hurts when you are a Zombie. The last couple of weeks I havn't been a zombie and find life much more attractive. The problems havn't gone away but I've noticed that I am dealing with them much better.

[lookingforhope22]

Social out vs Staying in............

Hi universal/all
I was also a home alone drinker and a social drinker....social on the weekends, home alone during the week. I would look forward to me and the bottle during the week just the two for us torturing eachother....it was to get away from sad, hurtful feelings - as living said to self medicate. The problem with that is then you never get to really feel what you are feeling - al is a great leveller. I am really have problems with my emotions without al i sat in my lounge room last night having a head conversation with myself - go to the bottle shop then you wont have to feel vs no let the emotions come up and deal. I chose the latter and am greatful for it this morning.
Boredom and loneliness are the two things we have to steer clear of - look into new activities, feel good things that fill that gap - i know its hard as my counsellor says "you wont feeling like doing anything, you may even hate it while you are doing it but when you are done whatever it may be exercise etc you will feel good" and that is the way you start a new habit.
I read on a post here once MOTIVATION = ACTION i repeat that in my head when doing it tough and helps me get motivated.
Hope that helps....you are def not alone
x