I have strict rules about my drinking. I only drink beer, I only drink after five,I don't drink after I eat, I don't drink and drive.
I have not had less than 6 beers a night for as long as I can remember and many nights I have 8 or 9.These are Canadian beer at 5%.
This means we eat late a lot. I resent it when I have to coach a late game for my kids because it disrupts my drinking time. If anything cuts into my "drinking window" it really bothers me and I try to make excuses to avoid the event. I have managed to fool everyone about my drinking but I have missed so many events with my kids over the years that I am deeply ashamed of myself. I also think of the many things I could have done with them had I not set my schedule around my drinking hours. I wake up with a hangover almost every morning but I tough it out and get up early every morning and go to work. I am so tired of this.
I have read that alcoholism is a progressive disease but my drinking habits (as bad as they may be) have remained pretty much the same for the last 20 years.
I just have a feeling that if I could turn off that switch that demands that I drink enough alcohol to get good and buzzed every evening of my life that things would get better and I won't wake up every morning hung over and full of self loathing.
Wow that was hard to write. I have never told anybody about this.
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