I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

[bouchard01]

Hello ... gosh I hate feeling like this. Every morning I swear I'm tired of feeling this way and every evening I open the wine. I guess I'm scared to quit, I really don't know ... in my head I know that I can't continue like this ... my health is suffering. I've started the Vitamins and I hope they help with the cravings and that I can have the willpower to really do this. My husband drinks too and that makes it hard but I know I have to do this for myself. I don't want to be known as a drunk. :upset:

[Preciouspinot]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

You have to really want it. Maybe try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings and read them when you feellike opening that bottle of wine. Make a list of pros and cons about your drinking habit and how it affects your daily living. Make a commitment to 3 days AF and see how flippin fantastic you feel!

[tlrgs]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

i agree preciouspinot those are some really good idea.you can do this if you really want it.
but you have to want it for yourself.good luck and keep on trying. dont givee up

[livingfree]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

hummm

Hi bouchard - If I can read between the lines here --- You are saying that in the morning you KNOW what you are doing day in and day out is wrong. Wrong for _____________ (fill in your reasons). But by evening - it doesn't seem so bad - after all .... what's a few drinks .... I'm fine ...... Their are people WAY worse then me ....... and the voice of addiction plays on.

You get up the next morning and the CYCLE starts all over.

Is this what you are saying? The "I want to" is in the morning; and the "I don't want to" is in the evening? If this is the case - it is called addiction. Welcome to MWO


Keep reading and asking questions - you are in the right place!

Liv

[keeta]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

ugh, do I ever know this cycle.
I live it.
PP...three days...kind of made a little light bulb go off...can I DO three days?...Sure as hell going to try.
bouchard...want to try 3 days with me???
Personally, because of my pattern of addiction...morning...wanting to quit, night time, drinking, if I can't get some good AF days in a row, I am considering Antabuse...I am scared to take that big a step...so will try again first.
good luck.
Keep reading, and posting.
hugs,
K

[maasai]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

BOUCHARD, you are into denial system, you know what alcohol is doing to you but you end up soothing yourself in readiness to start the cycle, again. admitt that you cannot and you have no difference with another person who is drinking 20btls and you who is drinking 2 glasses of wine since you are both suffering the same conciquences, welcome to MWO.

[spottydingo]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

i know how you feel

its what makes our problem so difficult!!! for me that switch from "I'm not going to ..." to "What the heck ..." happens so quickly and absolutely its like night and day.

the other comments here are right, you really have to want it, but also i think its important to indentify your triggers and avoid them. my worst time of the day is between 3-6 pm. usually i wouldn't start drinking until 6-6:30 but by 6 i would have made The Decision and made The Trip (to the store).

i often take my dog to daycare and leave to pick him up at 6. i get really stressed and angry when i drive, which is a trigger. also i'm really hungry by then, also a trigger. so, i've been trying to eat a snack at 4 to keep my blood sugar up. and, i pick up my dog earlier. and i prep dinner before i leave so i can start it right away when hubby gets home -- we've eaten at 10-11 pm many nights because we drink together while prepping food (obviously more drinking than prepping). i find if i can eat by 7-7:30 i won't drink much if anything.

you said you're taking the vitamins, but what about the herbs? i think the kudzu, the GABA and the L-glutamine plus the Calms Forte really help but you need to take the doses recommended in the book. also the hypno tapes seem to help.

hope this helps!
cheers

[bouchard01]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

Hello ... thanks livingfree, that is exactly what I mean ... Thank you all for welcome and wordds of encouragement. I think I might just take you up on the offer keeta ... G

[cowgal]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

welcome!!

First off welcome Bouchard!!:welcome:

It may be a good idea to start going AF w/ a buddy like Keeta, I know my first span of time I had the cheers of everyone on the abs forum, keep going back and reading and posting and you can (if you really want to) rack up some AF time..............

Good luck, keep us posted!!

MA:h:l

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

I can certainly relate to this thread!! I am (was?) a nightly drinker. EVERY morning I was completely comitted to not drinking that day....EVERY evening my "other" mind would take over and I would drink. That simple. The cycle just got soooo old. As much as I (the real, morning me) wanted to quit...I simply couldn't do it. That "other" me (which many refer to as the alcohol beast) just took over my brain by 5pm and that was that. I tried AA, the supps, Topamax, and Campral at different times but nothing could keep me from drinking more than a few days...and usually I would drink every night. UGH.

For me, I finally had to go the route of Antabuse. I wake up and have NO issue taking the pill, because I am sooo comitted to staying AF. By the evening...well, I might (that "other" I) be disappointed that I have the med in my body, but it is just to flipping bad...can't drink. So I let the thought go and move on.

I am on day 14. I am hoping that, with enough days, I will break the habit and be strong enough to fight this beast on my own...But for now, I know without this medication I would be drinking. I am not suggesting Antabuse is the only way...lots of people have been successful with other tools, but for me...it has been a godsend. Once that switch flips in my head...I just don't have the ability to fight it off at this time.

I wish you all the best

Beth

[trixietrack]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

Preciouspinot;293602 wrote: You have to really want it. Maybe try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings and read them when you feellike opening that bottle of wine. Make a list of pros and cons about your drinking habit and how it affects your daily living. Make a commitment to 3 days AF and see how flippin fantastic you feel!

I like this suggestion. MWO can be your virtual journal. It's a great way to see your progress.:welcome:

[optionsgirl]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

I have never done this before. I am scared to talk about this out loud. I have been reading and lurking around this site for a few weeks on and off. I was wondering what it was going to take for me to give up using wine as....a way to sleep, get my mind to stop playing ping pong with my thoughts, handle my new marriage, adjust to a new move....etc. I have lied to myself, my husband, my daughter that I have stopped drinking. I did for 2 weeks, then changed from red wine to white wine...so I could hide it better...I also started drinking diet ginger ale.....so that it looks the same in a glass....it not that I can't get away with it...I just don't want to any more. I am so tired thinking about this issue. How much is ok and when is it too much....
I would like to join you being AF. maybe the 3 of us can start with the 3 days and go from there.
Gail

[keeta]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

Gail and bouchard.
The more the merrier, strength in numbers, and all that!
Let's do it.
Shall we start today??
Are we all AF so far today????
Would you like to start a new thread, or should we continue posting here, when we need to vent, or need support, etc??
Will keep checking in, or feel free to PM me!
K

[johnc46]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

Bouchard, I think you do want to quit drinking, if you didn't I dont think you would have found the site and put your post on. It's all now about making a start you know you want to.

[cowgal]

I want to quit but I don't want to quit!?

me too!!!

I am pretty much back at day or square one....................after about 24 days, so you can count me in too if you want..................

I will continue to post on all the threads as they are all helpful to me, but I want to be part of a team if that is ok!?

MA:h