I am so PO'd at myself!!

[My New Beginning]

I hate this! I have been AF for many many days now and last night I decided it would be OK to have a glass of wine! RIGHT!!! It's never one glass and I consumed the whole bottle. No blackouts or anything but just thouroughly discusted with myself. I have a nice life. Why ruin it with drinking alcohol....DUH!!!!!!!! Just venting right now. I'll get back on the wagon and rack up some more AF days. Thanks for listening. :durn:

[WA]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Oh Greenie...join me I cant mod either....send love your way
jacqui xxx

[My New Beginning]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Thanks Jacquie. Damn! It's hard. I'll just keep trying.
Thanks for your support.

[bouchard01]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Hi greenhouse I'm new here ... just wanted to say hi and tell you to keep trying. If we fall, we can get back up. Good Luck ... G

[flyinhigh]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Hello Green-
Did the same exact thing last night!!!
Pissed off this morning, and not feeling to good, but we can pick ourselves up and keep going.
Remember to pat yourself on the back for all the AF days! It was hard work and you should be proud !!
I'm sure your night tonight is already a better one....
ciao, flyin

[Suki411]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

GH1 (oh and flyinhigh and bouchard), please don't do that to yourself. Please don't beat yourself. You must know that every experience you have will make you understand what you are going through and what you need to do to change things. I'm sure that all will just cringe because I've said it too often, BUT, but the most important person in my life taught me not to regret anything I've done, only what I haven't done.

And the experience will make you stronger. If I hadn't had that glass of wine, after trying to to be AF, I wouldn't have realized how important it is to me that I need to be to be AF. You have made an incredible step by being here. You will learn a lot.

I went 22 days AF, then thought I could have just one. No, not possible right now. But I REFUSE to let it ruin my plan of being AF for at least 30 days. It took me a long time, a lot of stressful experiences, to get to this place today. I'm not going to let it change the direction I want to go in. (My sister and her daughters would call me on the fact that I used a dangling particle. Whatever. I tried to moderate right now, but I can't. ) So, I'm trying to be AF.

I'm glad you guys are here. I'm glad you are going to be on the journey that I need to be AF. It does get easier! RELAX. Take advantage of the people here.

We are all here for you.

[savon19]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Kind of an aside... I went to my hairdresser today. She & I were alone for most of the time, but then a woman (maybe mid-30's walked in). I asked my hairdresser what the place next door was... Turned out it was an AA meeting place.

The girl/woman who had walked in said she had been sober through AA for 4 years and her life had improved so much. I wish I had had enough time to question her about that. She looked very self-assured. She wasn't preaching, but it made me think. I wonder if I should go that route?

But that's tooooo scary. She said at one point that the "fellowship" is what it's all about. She knows people who have been sober for Many years and who still go, because they want to help others.

I just don't know! And then I posted earlier to that post about "I want to quit, but I don't!"

ARRRRRGGGGH. Holy cow. When does the indecision END?????

[Ask For Help]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

I found that the thought of stopping drinking was a whole lot worse than actually stopping was. While you are in that vacillating mode, AL is really fighting his hardest to win the battle to get you not to quit. Once you decide you're going to quit (or mod) YOU take control - it isn't the end of the struggle completely, but it stops the first round of "should I" or "shouldn't I" questions.

I had a counselor who I talked to before I made a commitment to change, and I told her I felt like my wine was "my friend". It was hard to give up because it was comforting, something I could rely on, yada, yada yada. She said . . that's that alcohol talking . . it has it's claws in you. At that moment I visualized a somewhat nice fuzzy type animal with nice arms encircling me but claws digging into me.

That nightI had a dream in which that same white fuzzy animal was in my house and had a small "accident" on the floor of the kitchen. When I bent over to clean up the accident the animal puked and shit all over me.

THAT's when I decided that alcohol wasn't "my friend", wasn't comforting etc I realized that I had not been thinking clearly (DUH) about the true role of alcohol in my life, and that I had to STOP drinking before I would be able to think clearly. THAT's when I turned the corner some 2.5 months ago.

Long story short: Making the decision for me was harder than doing it. With the supps, and eventually Topomax, it's been surprisingly easy to manage mods.

Hope that helps someone!

AFH

[Ask For Help]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

When Does the Indecision End?

I found that the thought of stopping drinking was a whole lot worse than actually stopping was. While you are in that vacillating mode, AL is really fighting his hardest to win the battle to get you not to quit. Once you decide you're going to quit (or mod) YOU take control - it isn't the end of the struggle completely, but it stops the first round of "should I" or "shouldn't I" questions.

I had a counselor who I talked to before I made a commitment to change, and I told her I felt like my wine was "my friend". It was hard to give up because it was comforting, something I could rely on, yada, yada yada. She said . . that's that alcohol talking . . it has it's claws in you. At that moment I visualized a somewhat nice fuzzy type animal with nice arms encircling me but claws digging into me.

That nightI had a dream in which that same white fuzzy animal was in my house and had a small "accident" on the floor of the kitchen. When I bent over to clean up the accident the animal puked and shit all over me.

THAT's when I decided that alcohol wasn't "my friend", wasn't comforting etc I realized that I had not been thinking clearly (DUH) about the true role of alcohol in my life, and that I had to STOP drinking before I would be able to think clearly. THAT's when I turned the corner some 2.5 months ago.

Long story short: Making the decision for me was harder than doing it. With the supps, and eventually Topomax, it's been surprisingly easy to manage mods.

Hope that helps someone!

AFH

[My New Beginning]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Thank you so much bouchard,suki and flyinghigh. I will just keep on trying and coming here to read and post. It's so good to know there are great people willing to listen.
Today is a new day!!:thanks:

[Eastender]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

Greenhouse 1,
Many of us here are struggling with exactly the questions you ask. I for one.
From my experience we all seem to be different in the letting go of alcohol. I have not managed it yet, but the reasons for me to drink seem to get weaker each time I go over the top. My success is that I do not drink to oblivion now, to me thats progress.
In my heart I KNOW that I cannot mod and am fooling myself, but although my attempt to go AF forever is not working YET, I will keep trying until it does.

Eastx

[rustyonthelake]

I am so PO'd at myself!!

greenhouse1;294488 wrote: I hate this! I have been AF for many many days now and last night I decided it would be OK to have a glass of wine! RIGHT!!! It's never one glass and I consumed the whole bottle. No blackouts or anything but just thouroughly discusted with myself. I have a nice life. Why ruin it with drinking alcohol....DUH!!!!!!!! Just venting right now. I'll get back on the wagon and rack up some more AF days. Thanks for listening. :durn:

Know how you feel...But keep in mind...this is one day at a time thing and we are not
perfect...just the fact that you realize you made a mistake and did not give up is great.
We are all behind you. Good place here to vent .