Thank God I found you!!!!!

[jinja]

Hi there, I think I found you guys just in time. The last 6 months have gone down hill fast!! All my little coping mechanisms don't work any more and I'm just dropping all the balls that I have been juggling. I HAVE to be AF today as I woke this am with the shakes and couldn't string 2 thoughts together. I'm desperately afraid as when I fall off this wagon ( which I will) I have the tendancy to fall harder and faster than before. I'm now 2 bottles of wine a night (6 months ago I was a bottle and a glass or two). Holy Hell - how did I get here? Where the hell is my off button??

[My New Beginning]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Hello Jinja and a big Welcome!:welcome:
I can so relate to your post. I am new here and there was a time I was easily drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night. Chard's my favorite! Anyway, I found this site and I just keep reading other's stories and posting. It really helps. I'm taking supplements and drinking lots of Green Tea and water. It's very hard to kick the alcohol to the curb but you can do it! Just take it slow and easy and remember to just think 'one day at a time'.....'I will not drink today'...that's what I do anyway. Sometimes I fall off the wagon but I get right back on the next day and it really gets easier. I wish you luck and hope to see you around the boards.
Love and Peace

[hippie37]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Hi jinja!

Hope you are not having too difficult a time at the moment as far as the physical symptoms go. When I first gave up and had these symptoms you are experiencing they weren't too bad for me as I was naturally self-detoxing (slightly!!) in between binges!!. AA's philosophy of one day at a time worked wonders for me in the beginning as I couldn't set myself unachievable goals if I was purely concentrating on getting through the day/night without drinking. I patted myself on the back every night I went to bed for not having a drink that day. When the next morning came I would say to myself I am not going to drink TODAY and occupy myself with distractions like posting on forums like this and reading and also trying to be active like walking or cycling when cravings where at their worst. I came late to the MWO forum so I never used any of the supplements for cravings. I basically replaced the high sugar intake I got from the cider I drank with sweets and fizzy drinks. I didn't care about the calories or the damage to my teeth etc. all I care about was not picking up a drink. I'm one of those people that if I have one, that's it I can't stop. It sounds very much like you are one of these people who has trouble moderating your drink also. A good stint being sober though will help you more clearly come to a decision about your future with alcohol. After about 2 months sober I realised I was in a relationship I didn't want to be in and alcohol was my escapism while in it. There were many other things I noticed too about myself and that journey is still ongoing. Try not to be negative in your approach with thinking that you are definitely going to fall off the wagon again. I'm not saying it is not going to happen; but if you think that way you are almost setting yourself up for failure. I've had 2 slips myself when I wasn't ready to face things in my life but through time and experience I am learning to cope better with what life throws at me. The support I have with this online community is phenomenal and I hope you find that here too.

I wish you well in your sobriety

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[4theboyz]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

jinja;295370 wrote: Where the hell is my off button??

It's right next to the "pour and dump-out" button and hit that one first before the off button!

Seriously though Jinja, it sounds like you are getting pretty beat up falling off the wagon so many times and as you say, it could just keep getting worse. Dust yourself off but this time tell us what we can do to help keep you on the wagon long enough to see you through a good long dry spell so you can better review this apparent negative role wine plays in your life. I do hope you find some peace.
:welcome:

[Noelle]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Jinja...welcome! Just in time is the right time. Come on back and talk to us. We are here to help with anything you might need help with. Post a lot and read as many posts here as you can. You'll find out that a lot of us have had problems with our off buttons.

[jinja]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Good morning everyone, well survived Day 1!! feel OK. Cant seem to turn off my internal dialogue. My head has been churning all night. You guys are right about one day at a time. If I look long term I feel panicky and out of control - it's just today i'm going to worry about!! Have a nice day with the kids planned and then dinner w/hubby. He doesn't get it - altho he does try sometimes. He will have wine tonight and I will have tonic water!! Yes, we'll have a good day today!!

Thanks - I can't believe how much it helps to talk and read!! Such a simple thing, but when you have been hiding & ashamed for so long I finally feel that I can breath - it feels good.

:thanks:

[hippie37]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Morning jinja!

Well done on not drinking last night!! It will get easier I guarantee that!!. The thoughts are a big obstacle though and emotions that have been deadened for so long through drinking seem to all reawaken at the same time. The onslaught had me rather confused and worried at first until I realised this was a natural process with the brain function.

I'm a single dad so I'm spending the day with my 3 year old daughter today who is my biggest inspiration to stay sober. The weather is not bad here so will probably end up feeding the ducks and playing on the swings in the park. Not sure what my daughter is going to do though!!!lol. Have a great day too with the kids and stay positive and focused, especially concerning dinner with your husband.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Dolly Sunshine]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Some of us don't have an off button. That is what brings us here. If you don't start you don't need the off button. I know easier said than done...

[Sunbeam]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Sometimes it does seem like there is no off button once we start. The key is to not start. I'm glad that you made it through the first day. My husband also doesn't understand why I can't stop like he does. At first he was afraid that I would demand that he also stop, even though I learned many years ago that I can't "make" him do anything! Welcome, this forum is wonderful for me, and I believe that it will enable your success. You have to believe that too. This is the moment to decide that.

[My New Beginning]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Great job on Day 1 jinja. Today is a brand new day and a new start. Let's both be AF free for today!
I'm with ya!
Love and Peace

[jinja]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

You guys are so right & your on Greenhouse = day 2 is nearly done.

Had a good day with family & only thought about it 80% of the time!! Internal dialogue still going - man, I never knew I was such a chatterbox...

Tried a little introspection today - don't like navel gazing as the fluff makes me sneeze. :H Trying to peel back a few layers gently and taking a peak inside. Slowly, slowly catchy monkey I think.

Hey Hippy - New Brighton ring a bell. I lived there for 3 yrs when I was 18 yrs. Had a wonderful time - OK rose tinted glasses off & I can clearly see a pattern of bingeing and absentence well established. Oh hell - specs back on, I met gr8 people in a fantastic city = Your only young once!!!!

I do feel different this time - this has to be my time to heal.... whereever that takes me. The road least travelled has to be my route, otherwise the alternative is too scarey.

Anyway, brighter things - who's looking forward to seeing the Easter Bunny tomorrow !!!! - my youngest gets up at 5:30am on the dot - so I hope he manages to remember to visit before then!!

Happy Easter all & thanks a million. :thanks:

xxx

[hippie37]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Hey jinja!

I was born in Liverpool and lived there for about 5 years before we moved to the Wirral where we lived in Seacome then Wallasey Village. My first taste of club life was going to the 'Chelsea' or 'The Grand' in New Brighton when I was 16. Spent many days down at the arcades there for a short period when I used to hang around with certain 'pot-heads' (I wouldn't exactly call them friends!!) from the area. New Brighton has changed so much from those days though. The famous open air swimming baths went years ago and the Floral Pavilion has just been knocked down about 2/3 months ago. I think Kend Dodd was the last act to perform there!! They're building a new conference centre in it's place now!!. The indoor fair has gone and has been replaced by a massive indoor kids play area called Adventure Land. I go there regularly with my daughter at week-ends. Fort Perch Rock also started allowing promoters to hold raves there during the summer every 2 months would you believe. Are you originally from South Africa?

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[jinja]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Hey Hippie,

no I was born in the UK and spent most of my childhood following my parents around Africa, until regular schooling became a problem & I was shipped off to boarding school in the south of england aged 9. Travelling was cool, but I became independent and introverted quite early on!! S'pose that's why the booze was good - suddenly a whole new personality......I can't remember all the names of places I went to in 'the 'pool' but I would recognise piccies - I have a visual memory see.

How was your day with your little poppety? Hope you guys had a good time. They're cute when they are 3. My eldest just couldn't stop talking - well, not alot has changed since then!!!!

Sorry, feeling really wired at the moment - had a blazing row about how to raise kids and discipline etc. He's gone to the gym & I'm gagging for a drink. Some perverse part of me wants to get wasted because I know it will just piss him off sooooooooooo much. Not a valid reason - but the idea has made me smile!!

I went to Birkenhead Tech and 'lodged' with my parents = weird as it was the first time I had ever lived with them for more than a few weeks at a time. Couldn't stand the idea of university as I had been institutionalised to too long. Desparate to get out into the big wide world etc.

Well, tomorrow's a new day & i'm just going to chill - take care & talk soon.

Jinja

[jinja]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Hey Greenhouse,

Are you still on for day 4 tomorrow - I will make it throu tonite!!!

Jinja

[Jaded]

Thank God I found you!!!!!

Welcome Jinja,
I am fairly new here also.... 16 days sober working on 17 which is hugh for me...I'm taking the kudzu and the supps. I wouldn't be able to do it without the Kudzu. I don't have cravings at all so far. My thoughts are still not clear as they once were before Al but I'm sure that's going to take time. My boyfriend, whom I live with isn't taking me not drinking very well either. I don't know how that's going to work out but he's really making me crazy about it and its only been a couple of weeks.
Hang in there...it's not has hard as you think or atleast for me it hasn't been all that hard...I know there are going to be times when I really wont to drink but I just keep trying to remember the reason's why I shouldn't. I don't know if you are a spirtual person or not but one thing that works for me is when i wake in the mornings I pray for God to direct my thoughts today. I am not taking the Topomax because I can't really afford it right now but don't seam to need it...As soon as I have the founds I want to order the hypno cd's ..I think they will be helpfull. Good luck, keep reading...I lurked here for a long time before I finally jumped in..This is a wounderful place to be....we are all here in the same boat trying not to sink.
Keep your chin up...everything is going to be just fine.:welcome: