Sad but hopeful

[caseaday]

Sad but hopeful

Ace! Where have you been? I have missed reading your posts over the past few weeks! Glad to hear that you are moderating well. I too have found the joy of some good AF beers. Once I got used to the flavor I found that they really do help me feel like a "big boy" at parties because I also put it into a beer glass. Also, I do have to wonder if I looked as much the idiot as many of my friends do. Yikes, I was boozing hard for 20 years...wonder how many "impressions" I made!

Stay in touch!

[matthen]

Sad but hopeful

Hi Ace

First time I have been on your thread. You are married to a saint. Good luck on your mod. Some folks can mod others can't. I am a non-mod. If I have 1 drink, I have 2,3,4,5, and get drunk. So for me I can NEVER drink w/o getting hammered. Believe me, if I could, I would.

You are doing a great job and I hope you stay here on MWO. We need you as much as you need us. Please continue to share. Regards,

[Bridget Jones]

Sad but hopeful

Aceofbase,
You are not alone. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Focus on getting through tonight. Do you have anything to help you sleep? Melatonin? A sleep aid? Sometimes just getting to bed early can help you get through a night without drinking. Pick up a book and start reading until your eyes get so tired you can't hold them open. Play solitaire on the computer. Sometimes there are people in the "chat room" here. I have never used it as I am new here but others have commented on it. Maybe these things can help.
I share your pain and a similar story. I haven't started yet. I have downloaded the book and am waiting on supplements. I plan to start soon. I think this is a great site for support.
Good luck.
Bridget

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Happy Birthday for yesterday Ace!! Glad to see you are doing so well.
x

[KnowsTooMuch]

Sad but hopeful

This is my first post, been a lurker for a couple weeks.
I am interested in this MWO "method." But when I read comments, such as yours, about how difficult it was to get past the cravings in the initial days of abstinence, it REALLY disappoints and discourages me. Isn't that what the meds and hypnotherapy are supposed to help with?
Roberta Jewell sold her book ENTIRELY around the "case" that the meds and alternative therapies made this difficult stage significantly easier. If it isn't, what's the point in the CD's, the drugs, etc.? I could suffer through the same "gut it out" situation for free, without buying into the marketing of "stuff" on this website and in the book (which I already have purchased and read).
I am pretty confused, but I would appreciate insight into this.
Thanks.

[caseaday]

Sad but hopeful

Knowstoomuch,

My experience, as well as what I gather from others trying to get AL under control, is that the detox process and the intensity of the cravings is heavily dependent on how much and how long you have been drinking. In some cases, like mine, the first 3 days of AF was absolutely hell due to the fact that I was an extremely heavy drinker. I.e. shakes, tremors, sweats, racing thoughts, etc. Only the intervention of heavy professionally provided treatment would have helped reduce the intensity of the detox. However, I do know that the cd's and supps helped immensily as I had gone through a similar detox a year ago and it was much worse.

In regard to cravings, I firmly believe that the program has been extremely helpful to me. I truly feel I would have completely failed by now if I didn't follow the MWO program. I surely would not want to "gut it out" on my own!

[FloridaBoy]

Sad but hopeful

aceofbase;297951 wrote: Just reading your kind replies makes me want to weep. I am so strong most of the time. I will share details at some point...but I am the president of a business that I have owned for 7 years, I also fly my own airplane as a hobby, I have 4 children (2 entering college this fall), 10 employees, blah blah, blah...tons of stress, I support the whole free world (feels like)....not an excuse for drinking, but sometimes I just want the break from worrying if that makes any sense. I am quitting for now, whatever that means, I am scared to death of 6pm...almost can't make my car not go to liquor store...I don't want to even leave the house by myself after 7pm. I know where every liquor store is with 5 miles of my house. I want to be able to drink wine sometimes (I don't drink beer) and avoid rum (no other liquor attracts me) at some point. If I can get through tonight it will only be the 2nd time in 5 years missing two 24 hours periods back to back. Rambling....I will read more on the site, but if anyone has recommendations of what to order, I am all ears.

I don't know if there are others like me out there. I am ashamed of hiding drinking, lying about it and the power it has had over me. I also have NEVER admitted any of this to anyone.

:welcome: :new: too

You are not alone. I found this site and read a lot of posts. Ordered the Kudzu from here and becme a non-drinker. I cannot moderate. Maybe you can...maybe not. Go for 30 days AF and see how you feel.

[ownbestfriend]

Sad but hopeful

That MWO lump in your throat ...

Exactly how I felt when I found this site. I wanted to weep. :upset: Just get online when you are craving, even if it means sharing your discover of MWO with your wife. This site is a GLOBAL CONSCIOUSNESS FOR HEALING. It is the Internet at its best!!!

I'd never been on a blog, in a chatroom, or online anonymously in my life until I found MWO - yesterday. The joy and energy inside is currently replacing any thoughts of alcohol and I have drunk daily for a couple of years, held down a job and raised kids. Til I wiped out my car, no one really knew my inner hell. But I told everyone and am now a disqualified driver with a chance to get my life (more importantly my joy to live it) back.

Stay on the site and keep that heart open!!:wings:

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

Been awhile since I have posted but I have never been far away....still need you guys... Moderation has its own ups and downs...generally speaking its gone well but the demon is patient and is always available for small openings... I am on another AF period right now mostly for weight loss...I have lost about 20lbs but now I am on a plateau and need another 5-10. Work has been extremely challenging,,,two kids just graduated from HS...the weight of the free world is again pushing down on me. I am out of sleeping pills and vitamins feeling beat up and vulnerable....but abstaining at present. Working out consistently, got my health exam and everything is good.

This may sound weird but abstinence is easier than moderation...Moderation is a gray area. Abstinence is not. Lets say you are at a party with free booze and everyone is partaking...what is moderation? Moderation at home with no liquor in the house and a split bottle of wine with your spouse at dinner is another. You get the point.

Tired right now...I am going to get some tea and go to bed....tomorrow is another day and another opportunity for greatness. Hope you are all well....more later.

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Hi Ace,
Nice to see you back. Well done on losing 20lbs and doing those work outs. Yes I agree that abstinence is easier than moderation. I am now taking Antabuse and the thoughts of alcohol have gone (the grey area has gone gone gone!!)

Happy to hear you are doing well ace. You know what to do if the Mods don't work out......just go AF again.
Congratulations to your kids on their graduating.

Amelia
Day 18 AF

[57Shelby]

Sad but hopeful

Ace-Nice to see you back. I sent you an email to see how you have been. It may have gone to you junk box. You may not have recognized it was from me. Anyway, glad to see you back and happy to know you are doing well.

Shelby

[caseaday]

Sad but hopeful

Hi Ace,

Glad to hear from you and congrats on the graduation of your kids! I have been AF for 40 days straight and really like it. Haven't really considered moderating because of the grey area that you are talking about. I have actually really come to enjoy AF Becks beer and look forward to drinking three of them each night as my treat. Sounds strange but as my neighbors blast past 3 then 6 then 9 then 12, I watch as they become dumber and dumber. Sort of sad but their choice. But, they are still my friends. I wake up the next morning with a clear head at 5:00 am and go work out.

Don't mean to intrude, but why are you still trying to Moderate when you have experienced so much joy in your life with being AF?

All the best...Case

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

SBH

Hey everyone!! So good to hear from you..still makes my eyes wet. I really would like to be able to moderate because there is some enjoyment to a glass of wine with a meal that makes life a fuller/richer existence. I know that if that is not possible then if will be full enough but still... anyway I am starting AF now for 12 days until the end of the month or the 4th of July.

Business has been better but I have just gone through a stretch of ugly admin situations that makes me want to chuck the whole thing get in the plane and vanish for a long stretch. My spouse has been supportive, and I am not unhappy with my life, would just like to reduce the stress by about half....boring stuff I am sure, we all have stress and I don't want to complain.

[Time2fly]

Sad but hopeful

Hi there. Nice to hear from you again. Dixie here but changed my user name as you can see as needed something a little more positive! Happy 46th and Congrats to the 2 Graduates - you must be very proud! I have to say you aren't sounding as upbeat as you used to be - that corporate life?? You seem to have achieved an immense amount in such a short time, physically and mentally. I did 36 AF days and then did a dinner party with a view to moderation which just didnt work. I craved it even more and it was even harder to kick the habit this time around. The dinner party was on the 6th June so have been battling every night since then. Last night was my 1st night which was fine and tonight is going ok. I must admit that once I had broken the habit last time I didnt have a problem not drinking. I just obviously fooled myself into thinking that I could go out & have a few glasses of wine with dinner. NOT. At least I have learnt that I CANNOT do moderation for at least 2 months unless under a controlled environment like you pointed out. I have been on a HUGE health drive so my capacity for alcohol is NIL anyway so my hubby is well aware of that. Have got a 2 month holiday coming up in 2 weeks so will be big pressure but will deal with the next 2 weeks first. Anyway, you keep your chin up and carrying on being an inspiration to us all. I've been telling a lot of newcomers to read your thread (hope you dont mind). Take it easy & hope the work situ improves. Keep in touch

[SpiritGirl]

Sad but hopeful

Ace,

This thread is incredible. It was suggested by someone on another thread. I just read through the entire thread and you are very inspiring. I wonder if you have taken the opportunity to look back at your original posts? I have been somewhat consistently visiting MWO since May and I often times feel exactly how you did back in March. Reading where you are today gives me hope.

I hope that you continue to share your journey... Your honestly, contemplations and ability to articulate have undoubtedly been a help to others...

Paige...