Sad but hopeful

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Hey Ace,

Triathlons ? WOW.. I jumped back in the forums just this morning with a post that relates.. In January I decided to register for a 10 KM (6 miles) run that is being held in May.. and I did that to motivate myself to start training again and get back in shape.. just a few years ago I was at 145lb of lean muscle mass, now I'm at 160lbs of flab.. I'm 5'6" so 145 was really good for me.. hurt my shoulder so I stoped working out for about a year, then hurt the other shoulder.. argg..so now it's 2 years and I have not worked out etc.. I was never a runner, but I figured it would be a good goal and hopefully a kick in the ass. unfortunately, I spent the last 2 months drinking beer instead of training.. To makes matters worst.. I convinced my 2 best friends to race with me.. they are fit, they do not drink, they have run marathons before.. one spent 10 years in the army.. they could run
10K tomorrow morning before breakfast no problem.. I have never run anything..and I am woefully out of shape. .I only have 59 days before the race.. I am seriously doubting that I will be able to run it ..I've trained a few times..no where near enough... but after 10 minutes of jogging my back starts to hurt so much I have to stop.. weak abs.. big beer gut.. causing back pain..

Anyways.. I know that you don't feel your best right now..but at least you still run.. you still work out.. so yea, if you were not drinking the extra pounds would come off.. but you do have a leg, or both actually, up on me because you have trained so much in your life your body is used to it.. I used to work out really hard to about 2.5 years ago....so I know what it's like.. the last 2 years, I've been inactive, except for the elbow excersises :upset:

I hear you about the attractiveness thing.. My wife still desires me..but makes comments about how from the waist down I'm ok.. and from the the waist up I'm ok..but the belly part needs to go ! etc.. The problem now is " I " do not find myself " up to par " if you know what I mean. So, although she is not complaining about my appearence in general, she is complaining about the fact that I have been more, shall we say, " distant" lately.. and not as intimate.. because I don't feel good in my skin right now.. I don't like the way I look..I should have a 33 inch waist on my size frame.. I'm currently at 37.5 inches !!!! the rest is good but it's that dam beer gut..

Anyways, I'm glad you are here and you can relate to a guy's perspective...

As for 6:00pm.. if you wait a bit longer, it will be 6:30.. and then 7, 8, etc.. just hang in there and it will pass. it's my "witching hour" as well from 4:00 to 8:00pm.. if I can pass 8:00pm then I'm good until next day..

Take care !

Riker

[4theboyz]

Sad but hopeful

Ace,

Feeling bad about this is not going to be enough. You are going to have to really want this in order to pass up the liquor store everyday. I was *you* 36 days ago, I got through it - somehow but it took everything I could to *make* it happen. For me, I got scared - real scared at what the booze was doing to me and more so what it hadn't *yet* done to me. The worst was yet to come, I felt it, I knew it and it scared the hell out of me. That really helped, but 6:00 will come everyday so you will have to be prepared to face that trigger point everyday. I had to avoid those triggers at all cost. Get away for a moment, do something else you are good at, cook, music, read a book, scream into a blanket - whatever just to break through that 6:00 trigger. Substitute drinks really helped with the habit of having a glass in my hand, club soda, tonic juice etc. can work.

I've yet to do this with anyone else, but I invite you, no urge you to read my story (so far) here...https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...urn-18931.html
Please feel free to PM at any time, I/we are here for you! :welcome:

[auntiegriselda]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, I can relate to passing the liquor store. Here in NC you can buy wine in the grocery stores. So every day I pass the Food Lion and it's amazing how often I realize I need some bread or milk, or dog food or anything as an excuse to stop in. Then while there, I might as well get a little wine. And of course, I tell myself that I'll only have a glass or two tonight. Ha Ha, like THAT ever happens!!

No one I work with knows I have this problem. At least I hope they don't . But I know I could do a much better job if I weren't hung over every day. I'm the nurse manager of an outpatient facility and often have to be to work at 0530. I can't tell you the number of days that I have felt like pure sh**! Then I go home and do it all over again.
Today I'm actually going to run up to the grocery store and get myself some cranberry juice and tonic water. That combination really helped me before. I have some wine in the frig but am NOT going to drink it. Also when I quit before I lost about 5 lbs pretty easily right away. This time will try harder as I am at least 30 lbs overweight.

I think the reason we all feel like we know each other on this site is because we see ourselves in each other. I am thinking about you and hope you can make it past those liquor stores tonight. I believe you can do it and you will not believe how much better you'll feel about everything in a few days.

:thumbs:
Auntie

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

I did read your story....I don't think that I am that strong...I don't know...I have been doing this so long, yeah I am sick of it but I am also scared to death of not having the "break"....I am also scared of losing everything..wife, kids, house business, health (not in that order though). What is PM? Post messages? oh private message...don't know how to do that here.

We had a good day at work after a long dry spell...makes me what to________ you guessed it drink! I have to avoid it...I called my boys and wife and invited everyone out to dinner so that I can't drink rum...will I drink a beer? If I did I would be home with no booze, no excuse to go out and the stores would close and one beer would take the edge off....re-reading this really sounds disparate and icky....can't help it, its how I feel. after 4pm now.....

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

...another crazy thing is how much raw freakin mental energy that goes into thinking about worrying about, hiding AL. I am sure my spouse has no idea how much I think about NOT drinking and worrying about it. It is probably the #1 thing I think/worry about...the self talk is sooooooooooo loud that it nearly drowns out everything else. How would she know anyway? What I mean is how would she know that I am concerned about it...to her I drink casually without a thought for anyone or anything....I suppose actually drinking 375ml of rum is what it takes to make it quiet....I took up flying in part because its not something I can do and drink and it takes total concentration.

I went on vacation week before last to a posh carribean resort (work related) with the all inclusive deal...even a free liquor cabinet in the room and people pushing drinks on you by the pool and at meals and you know what? I actually drank LESS than I do at home....I was less tempted...I mean sure I drank but maybe half as much at home or it was spread out or something...

I am sick of puffy eyes, my waist, lack of focus, weakness, lying, hiding, loss of memory, snoring, anger, self loathing, worrying, aging, the internal dialog, ect....

[Masquerade]

Sad but hopeful

Dear Ace -

I sent you a private message. Your words hit home with great aplomb, my friend.

We are a group of over-achievers looking for the meaning behind our AL-obsession!!

I have the perpetual angst of "someone/anyone knowing" ... and the wringing of hands over the top brass figuring me out for what/who I really am. I function ... hell, I excel! at my work. Don't want the powers-that-be figuring out the real MO to which I truly operate, now do I?

Let us share with you. We have been there ... done that ... got the t-shirt ... lived to tell the tale.

Lots of hugs to you ... and altitude, my aero-partner.
- Masq

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

Honestly, Would someone yell at me or something???? I am sitting here dripping on my keyboard and avoiding my employees on the biggest sales day that we have had in months....I have not had anyone be this sensitive or kind to me in a LONG time....and you guys are "strangers"..

[auntiegriselda]

Sad but hopeful

We really aren't strangers. We're all soul mates who were fortunate enough to have found this place where we can share without fear. But I can yell at you if you like!! :durn:

:l
Auntie

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Aceofbase, just checking in again after dinner (cooked up an awesome casserole)...
Great to see you still here and posting.
Will check in tomorrow when I have had some zzzzz's

Wishing you the best for your evening

Amelia

[Palatia]

Sad but hopeful

Aceofbase...

Come back here often!!! Starting now! and especially at 6pm.

I'm on Day 4... evenings do get a little tough.. but I'm drinking herbal teas at night (which helps me) and am starting to feel great... ! I rely on this forum to get me through.. If I get that craving.. I'm Here.. even if I don't post.. I read other's.

I don't think I could do this without this kind of support...

:welcome:

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

Palatia, Auntie, Amelia,

Thanks so much...I wish we could all be at a meeting that I could drive to tonight and just share and confess a BUNCH of stuff that has built up without some 12 steppy talk...I would probably feel worse and more vulnerable than I do right now but it would probably be medicine that I need. Can't though.

Leaving soon to go out to dinner with family....not feeling strong, want to hide and also be in the middle of a crowd if that makes any sense....gotta breathe or fly or something.

[hulagirl]

Sad but hopeful

HANG IN THERE (OR HERE) ACE!!!! (was that loud enough?)

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

I am leaving office but will post if I can tonight after the witching hour of 9 pm when all liquor stores close and I am "safe"...kinda pathetic...but right now I am not so proud.

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Hiding in a middle of a crowd makes plenty of sense to me. Been more comfortable there than most other places.
I think if we all met up (in another life time because it wouldn't actually be possible), I think we would have a great time. I think sharing ones weaknesses with others that understand can help us grow.
We realise that we are not alone in our weaknesses and problems.....but we could laugh about and question them as well.,,,,it would probably be a fun.

And.....there is hard work to be done too.....in your real life.

I have got to go snoozing.
I have to get up really early.

Ace, I hope that your posts here this afternoon (and your responses) will be the springboard that helps you to have the strength and drive to do something about your drinking.....now.

Amelia

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, we are sensitive and kind to you because we care and understand more than anyone else ever could because we are YOU. But the biggest reason is because you are being honest with us. Have you thought about talking to your wife about all this? You might be surprised at her reaction, you know?

I know about all the hiding too. That'll sure wear you down. However, for the most part, the people you hide from the most probably already have an idea of what's going on.

Good luck tonight and make sure you come back.....as often as you can. *I* would be nowhere without this site.