Sad but hopeful

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Sad but hopeful

Hi Ace~
Are you taking a vitamin B complex? It's probably the most important pill to pop... although I take a myriad of Vitamins and supplements now- L Glutamine, L Cartinine, Vitamin E, Flaxseed Oil (I can't do Fish Oil without getting tuna fish burps ), Chromium, Selenium.... I haven't tried the Kudzu so I don't know about it, but the rest of the stuff I bought at the corner pharmacy.

My professional life collided with my personal one last night, but in a good way. I work for a big company, and I normally work independently from the other reps. Well, last night, two of the guys were in town, and we went out to dinner with my 20 year old daughter. The waitress asked what we would like to drink. TALK ABOUT AN INTERNAL STRUGGLE!?!?! I didn't want to disappoint my daughter, nor did I want my friends to know that I wasn't drinking (although one of them knew).... well, we had a coupon for a free drink with dinner, and the orders were... Miller Lite, Greek Wine, Sweet Tea, and now my turn.... "I'll have the same wine as Mike, and a glass of water with a lemon"....

My daughter looked at me, and I could see sadness in her big green eyes. I said, "Honey.... it's free!".... She still looks so downtrodden, and so I whispered in a stage voice after the waitress left.... "I'm giving it to Mike after he's done with his wine~ pretty tricky, huh?" The smile on her face was worth every drop that I didn't drink. :heart:

One day at a time, Ace. You can do this. There's a point between day 3 and 5 where ALice starts tapping on your shoulder, pleading for just a little bit of your time.... tell ALice gently that not now, but maybe tomorrow. MAYBE.

Would you be more comfortable telling a white lie to your reps if they notice? For example, can't drink because you might be flying tomorrow?

Good luck. We are here for you! :groupluv:

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Hey Ace,
Great to see you have made it AF so far!
Still sounds like you are doing waaaaay too much.
You are going to feel 'different' without drinking loads.
It'll take your body some time to adjust (and you may start craving sugary things too),
but it will be worth it!
Keep us posted
Amelia

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad and hopeful

I do not have a problem with someone knowing that I am not drinking for whatever reason be it flying or cause I just and choosing not to...if that seems odd to anyone that is their problem not mine...more the problem is access to AL. I have beer and champagne in my house and maybe a bottle of vodka but I so far have not been tempted to drink them....rum on the other hand I do not trust myself around if I am trying to abstain....going to look into the supplements today because I just don't feel very good for some reason....I thought I would feel much better than I do...I suppose if you spend 7 years or so drinking, taking four days off isn't going to fix everything quickly. I do notice that my belly has shrunk a bit and I may have lost a couple of pounds. I know your liver swells when you drink and pushes out your stomach...how long does it take to shrink/regenerate?

My dreams are really strange right now...if I could record them and mail them to a producer we could have great movies in weeks...I am fascinated and frightened a little at what my mind is doing when I am not running things.

[Palatia]

Sad but hopeful

Making sure I have enough ...

Herbal teas in the house.. (instead of AL) lol..

Hehe.. yes the dreams are something, aren't they? I'm on Day 6... :happy:

I still have the same beers left in my fridge from last Friday night, my last drinking night.. it doesn't bother me at all. I'm thinking, I would be more stressed if they weren't there lol.. Then I'd get that panicky feeling of wanting to go to the gas station to make sure something was there, I think.

You know what, though, I feel empowered that they are there and it's just a conscious choice for me not to drink.. feels good. I may let my son drink them though. Even those seldom times he does drink, it's only one or two.

Supps prob would do you some good.. I'm taking some that are supposed to make you feel good, happy, etc.. vitamins and herbs.. They work. But I've always been a supp gal..

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Sad but hopeful

Hey-

Just checking in. So glad to hear you are still AF. I can relate to the great feeling seeing the happiness/relief in your daughter's eyes when she realized you were not going to drink the wine. I definately "get" the notion of fearing other's reactions if you DON'T drink. I have spoken to a few people here who also experience that feeling. For me, it is this..."I don't want them to know I have a problem...they know I love wine with my meal...if I don't order something, it will seem odd to them, and they will possibly figure out I have a problem". As crazy as it seems, it is understandable.

As I told you earlier, Rum has been my drink of choice (or wine) for quite awhile. However, if I am stuck, I am likely to drink whatever is on hand. For this reason, I have not kept alcohol of any kind in the house for awhile (and until I got AF, I would go out EVERY day and buy my pint of rum/2 bottles of wine-the merchants around me must really think I am weird...as in, why doesn't she just buy a bigger bottle??? ). In a panic, I once drank left over Manochevitz (spelling?) concord grape wine, that was at our house after passover. If you don't know what this foul stuff is, well, it is similar to children's caugh medicine. As I said, I could never trust myself.

For me, ultimately, in order to get some real time under my belt, I had to go on Antabuse..the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Last option, other than rehab, but it works. I just didn't have the willpower at witching hour. Now that I am almost a month into this, I am more and more hopeful that I can rely on myself to stay AF in the evenings (but not yet).

Anyway, I will tell you this...no matter what your route, in a few weeks time, it gets significantly easier!!! I have heard this but never was able to experience it first hand. And I am stubborn. I am a "I will believe it when I experience it" kinda girl. (probably why I had such a time with AA- just couldn't "give it over" to some untangible power).

Anyway, you are doing fantastic...stick with it!! Oh, by the way, my dad is a pilot and has been an instructor for years (now retired). My profession couldn't be further removed, and I only fly to get from point A to point B (and can't get there fast enough lol).

With Love,

Beth

[anne1232]

Sad but hopeful

Day 3!

Hard time sleeping...but finally, incredible dreams and the feeling that I really slept for once.
Woke up w/out my first thought being 'how much,' and 'WHY?'
Ace, I would highly recommend getting on the Milk Thistle. You can do all the research but we here have already: it reverses liver damage. If you have the swollen belly effect you really are at a fork in the road.
As am I.

Thought for the day stolen from C. Knapp's (1959-2002) "Drinking: A Love Story"
Every time one drinks something bad doesn't happen,
but every time something bad happens drinking was involved

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

Patty, that's so cool about your daughter!!!! Since I've quit, my daughter is like my best friend, she's telling me everything, sometimes stuff I don't want to hear! LOL But I wouldn't trade these feelings with her for $1M!!!!!!!!

[gelgit]

Sad but hopeful

I need to get up from this chair and take a walk. BUT, every single post is a part of my story too! I can't stop reading

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

Take a walk, but come back! I sit here reading until my eyes get blurry!!

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad and hopeful

Today BTW is day four...when does it get easier? Does it get easier?

I was thinking about all the really dumb things I did while drinking and hiding and lying about it. I have hidden cups of rum and lemonade and then forgotten where I put them...almost tore the house apart the next day trying to find them before someone else....I drank too much one night and fell asleep in my home office on the floor later...was too tired to go to bed...freaked my spouse out, she thought I was dead. Really embarrassing....tried to blame it on a sleeping pill. Doesn't make me like the drinking self too much.

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Aceofbase,
Dumb things are what we do when we drink.
My partner has found dozens of empties and confronted me.
He has also found a full bottle of wine in one of my knee high boots and rather more horrifyingly, came to kiss me goodnight in bed one night,...pulled back the cover to kiss me good night on my stomach.... and I had a bottle of wine in between my legs (which I was secretly drinking because I thought I needed a nightcap after the bottle and a half I had already had).
Once you get to a certain level of drinking I don't really know if it improves and whether you can move onto moderation.
If you carry on....I think it gets worse.

Although my examples are hugely embarassing (to me) to post for a second time. Please see them as a warning sign for you.

Stay sober.

Amelia

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Sorry, Ace,

I think it does get easier. You are in your very early days at the moment. This is all early days for you and you are not doing the programme to the full.

It is an all round life change (for the better) to beat this.....you will do it.
Give it time and as much effort as you have put into your business and you will reap the benefits.


Amelia

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad and hopeful

Thank you Amelia, If I thought it would be this hard everyday to not drink I don't know if I would have the courage or stamina for it long term..so don't tell me anyone okay?

I will have some time Saturday morning in the office to research the site and supplements.

[Heavenly]

Sad but hopeful

AMELIA;299248 wrote: Aceofbase,
Dumb things are what we do when we drink.
My partner has found dozens of empties and confronted me.
He has also found a full bottle of wine in one of my knee high boots and rather more horrifyingly, came to kiss me goodnight in bed one night,...pulled back the cover to kiss me good night on my stomach.... and I had a bottle of wine in between my legs (which I was secretly drinking because I thought I needed a nightcap after the bottle and a half I had already had).


Although my examples are hugely embarassing (to me) to post for a second time. Please see them as a warning sign for you.

Stay sober.

Amelia

Oh Amelia ... I wish we had different things in common ...

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

Amelia, I don't want to laugh because I know how degrading that is/was to you...but I admit I did chuckle at the situational absurdity. I am off to battle the demon on his home turf, the bar/restaurant...strangely, I think I will be fine tonight without drinking. I really can't figure this out...Sometimes I wonder who I am.