Sad but hopeful

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

You are welcome Sasha, we are all in this together.. All of us here..
I'm just getting back on track, both in my renewed convictions and in regards to the forum and already I have met many new friends such as yourself, Aceofbase, Palatia, 4theboyz and many more..

Let's stick together and get over this frigging addiction ! One day at at time.

If you have time, I recommend reading some of the older posts from Retteacher, Chief, Starlight Empress, Satori, Beatle, Xtexan, and many others that I truly respect and admire for what they did for them and us here. Compared to them I am still a newbie here trying to figure this out.

I want to single out Starlight Empress.. trust me, you need to read her posts..she is an amazing person who will inspire you as she has inspired so many before.

I am here... because I need to be here.. and I will do my best to help others and let others help me.

Riker

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad and hopeful

Gotta go to the airport...slight delay this morning then 4 hours of flying....somehow I made it through the evening and no AL...breaking new ground now, three days without...don't feel that great nor that bad, crampy...a little tired (got up at 5:00 am)....off to slip the surly bonds...

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Good Job Ace

:goodjob: Ace

Check in with us later if you have a chance.

Take care.

Riker

[anne1232]

Sad but hopeful

New here. I've been lurkin', I've laughed, cried, cheered

with you wonderful people. What I love the most is the honesty, the authenticity.
We (addicts) are all liars, mostly to ourselves. 38 hours sober today, one millionth attempt. Been in trouble w/ Al since I was 14 years old.
I'm another super high function-er; no one has any idea I go home and drink myself in to a stupor. I'm a little ahead of the game as I'm fit, active, and very well 'supplemented,' and have read everything ever printed about 'the beast.' I've taken may approaches, including Ibogaine in Mexico (this is a truly remarkable medicine, and was thee most amazing experience of my life. It has cured countless people w/ emotional/addiction problems worldwide, anyway, if anyone wants to discuss it let me know).
SO. I recently moved to a "safe" place, away from my primary stress-ers, and find myself pretty isolated, which is what I needed. My triggers are HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I'm addressing those, eating and supping super-well, biking and swimming in my little piece of paradise...calling old friends; let's see how I do. I'm on Antabuse, which is not the best choice as I need to take a natural hormone that is a cream in a base of ethyl alcohol, but I needed the argument in my head to simply stop. Hormone treatment will stop for awhile. Will consider Campral, Topo makes me nervous...got the Kudzu/All-One/Evening Primrose...shout outs to Palatia, Hippie, Aceofbase, 4theboyz, Old Bald...THANK YOU for being here and for listening to me ramble on....

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Welcome

Welcome Anne :welcome:

Glad you decided to join us here at MWO. Sharing my thoughts with other like minded people is very therapeutic and helpfull for me. There is always someone here to offer words of wisdom and kindness.. I especially like to read about the sucesses of others, like 4theboys as an example and the many many others as well. It gives me hope that I can do this after all, I just have to want it and use the tools at my disposal to get it done.

Check out the monthly abstainers groups, lot's of veterans there that are on 30, 60, 90 days plus AF..

Again, welcome

Riker

[anne1232]

Sad but hopeful

Thanks so much, Riker. Yes, everyone here is amazing.
I'm feeling very sad today, for myself, and disgusted and frustrated.
We only have one heart, one liver, one pancreas, one esophagus...
I've destroyed mine, by my own hand, while blaming external factors.
This disease is insane.

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad and hopeful

Back....the whole world came crashing down on me...really frustrating....I am out of pocket for 6 hours and people are running around like chickens without heads...nothing was even wrong when I finally listened and absorbed all their stress..they were just upset that they couldn't get a hold of me because I am always SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO available to everyone....guess what that makes me want to do...you guessed (you guys are really smart, you know that?) DRINK! CHECKOUT for a while.......but I am not going to for 1 more day at least....all bets are off for tomorrow....tired, crabby, didn't eat all day, no water....go home to a pissed off wife (she couldn't get in touch with me either...my cell phone died and I haven't had time to get a new car charger for the airplane). So tired and beat down and headachy...nothing to look forward to tonight.

[AMELIA]

Sad but hopeful

Hey Aceofbase,
Glad to see you back!!
Perhaps you need to put up some personal boundaries.
It sounds like a lot of people in your life 'depend' on you in one way or another.
It is all good and well when you can 'give' to the people in your life and feel great afterwards.
If you are allowing yourself to give too much or allowing others to 'take' too much,
you will eventually stress yourself out. Look after yourself first. Keep your own house tidy ( so to speak).
You then may (and I say may) be able to look after others (without draining yourself) .
Amelia

[hulagirl]

Sad but hopeful

Look forward to a large glass of ice water! Look forward to being away from your office. Look forward to finding a little quiet time to read (here?) Look forward to seeing your family, try and have a smile for them. She won't be pissed off for long. Look forward to the end of another AF day. Look forward to a new day tomorrow.

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Hey Ace

Ace, I'm with Amelia 100%.. you need time for you.. I know what I'm talking about, I had a super stressful job a year ago, in charge of many people etc.. reading emails up at night after dinner, on weekends.. damn CrackBerry fused to my hip.. you know what it got me ? A WHOLE LOT OF DRINKING.. which just made things worse of course..

Finaly, I "snapped" I went to my boss and told him my hours of work are 8:00 to 4:00pm, at 4:01 my cell is OFF, and it's NOT on on weekends PERIOD..you want to reach me after hours ? you PAY me Overtime and only when I'm agreeable to it..

I was soon "reasigned" to another branch.. and yes at first I was pissed off, but it's the best thing that could have happened to me. .Now I am being appreciated more, respected more etc.. all during regular working hours.. I don't stress about work.. I tell that to other people all the time.. if it does not get done today, is the frigging planet going to stop turning ? no, then turn off that stupid cell and take care of yourself FIRST.. I work hard while I am at work but I disconnect the minute I'm done..

You got to find " some " time for you.. Like Amelia said, you don't need to be at the becking call of everyone !!!!

Take care man, I'm in your corner, I've got your back..

Steph

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, you are probably suffering from the effects of not listening to HALT.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

The only thing you aren't is lonely, right? Good luck with getting away from people....since you're the boss, it's probably next to impossible. It really sucks when you are always available for everyone and then OMG, you're not and everyone freaks out. You might have to try not being so available. Just warn the wife first!!

Good luck Ace, we're here for you.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Sad but hopeful

Ace...

Just read this thread and felt I had to reply. I have been AF for 22 days now but I have to tell you that is due to some recent major changes I have made. I, like you, have been struggling for YEARS, in secret...while being quite functional. The thing that really caught my attention was your drinking M.O. I was drinking either wine, OR, Rum...and a pint a night was not unusual for me. Now, I am female, 5 feet 4 inches, and a size 4, but believe it or not, that was my typical consumption on a nightly basis! I would hide how much I drank...also drink the "polite" glass of wine with dinner to mask the truth. I would get up each morning and function in a professional capacity.

But...I was so tired. Every day...And the shame was horrible. In spite of this, and as much as I was completely committed to staying off the booze EVERY morning, my mind would change at around 5pm. I would ALWAYS cave and buy the alcohol.

So, you certainly are not alone here. Welcome. Many have achieved AF (or mods) through a variety of methods. Don't give up and you will find one (or two) that will work for you.

Beth

[Palatia]

Sad but hopeful

Lucy Van Pelt;298769 wrote:
But...I was so tired. Every day...And the shame was horrible. In spite of this, and as much as I was completely committed to staying off the booze EVERY morning, my mind would change at around 5pm. I would ALWAYS cave and buy the alcohol.

That is me to a tee.. until I found MWO.. every morning.. I dont' want to drink anymore.. by 5 or 6pm ... do I have enough beer for tonight? Off to the gas station I went... "I'll quit tomorrow.." It took a long time for tomorrow to come..

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Sad but hopeful

Welcome Ace, Sasha, and Annie.....

I'm glad you found this site, and I look forward to "meeting" you... there wasn't really one incident that made me stop drinking- no police report or horrible fight while drunk.... it was just this little inkling of a feeling that I would have in the early morning hours when I'd wake up (probably still drunk, but alert enough to want a tall glass of water and a benadryl).... that I was cheating myself out of life. Little clues added up, like when my husband automatically bringing me that glass of water because he knew I'd be asking for it... or when my son innocently commented that Dad always gets up early, but Mom sleeps WAY later- that I thought I must do something to change my drinking.

Of course, that "something" was totally forgotten that night at 5:30 pm, when the Happy Hour bell was ringing, louder than the Wall Street one...

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad and hopeful

...somehow made it through last night and still AL free....very weird...I had every opportunity to drink last night and didn't for some reason....I was soo hungry when I got home...I do all the cooking in my family...so I had to plan and make dinner (shrimp with veggies over vermicelli...no white wine this time)....but this is actually a release for me and a trigger too....but i didn't drink. I wouldn't say I feel great or really even better...just different....would a certain supplement help?

I flew 500 miles as an instructor yesterday for a new instrument pilot and then flew back from dropping him off low and in turbulence. Practiced a partial panel instrument landing at my home airport. Very challenging and I would have given myself a C+ overall. Thought about stuff the whole way.

Today, full office all day with regional reps in to meet in a few minutes....social dinner out tonight and I want a glass of wine....we will see. I think about committing to being AF for some period of time but that is like tempting me to fail...I am not going to promise anything right now except today. Feels like AL demon is just waiting for the chance...hes got plenty of time.

Riker, Amelia, Heavenly, Lucy, others...your words of wisdom and encouragement are absolutely priceless to me...going to start "leaking" again....I read everything your write and you guys are keeping me going...I can't thank you enough