Sad but hopeful

[gelgit]

Sad but hopeful

I am totally blown away......

by how much are lives, our stories, all have in common. Not just the theme, but the details!! Yikes! Ace, how could you possibly have so many emotions and feelings, do so many exact same things as I think, do and have done... same for just about every person here.
You guys kept me sober today: just thinking about you. It's like I can think about myself without thinking about myself.

My only problem here is that I want to get back to a thread and I've lost track of it!!
Cheers! I mean be of good cheer:h

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

One of my favorite quotes which is attributed to Mick Jagger I think is: " Its okay to let yourself go as long as you let yourself back" or something to that effect.

I couldn't fly today...went down to the hanger and gave one of my teens the left seat and taught him how to pre-flight, start the plane and taxi to the pumps, refuel and taxi back...We then pulled another plane out to fly but the battery was dead and we couldn't get enough of a charge on it to start....but at least my son got the experience. Bad thing, I have not emptied the trash in the hanger in a while, so we took some bags and emptied it and there was an empty bottle of rum in there that I had taken out of my car. I saw my sons eyes when he saw it and he didn't react. I wanted to tell him what I am doing by being AF and that it was from "before" but I don't feel credible enough in the eyes of a teen to say anything. The only way I think to earn their respect is to not have alcohol on my breath at night...and probably a hundred other small things that being AF makes different. I would like to just say to them that I am AF now and am really trying to make a change but to a teen thats going to sound hollow...its sad, I only have a short time to be with them until college (like this fall for two of them) and then they are off..I have regrets.

Still AF tonight. My wife still seems distant but we went out Saturday night..she is not feeling well today. I am an impatient person when it comes to many things, but I have been drinking for 7+ years and at least 4 years in "secret"...I can't expect everyone to just instantly feel better about everything and trust me. That also makes me sad. Enough self pity for one evening.

Better note: I made an awesome dinner tonight. Stuffed Chix breast with feta and artichoke...pine nut couscous and garlic green and yellow beans. I drank sparkling pomegranate juice (you know that would taste darn good with rum in it! JJ). My 4 year old came downstairs and sat on my lap and said "daddy I wish you could stay home tomorrow and play with me"....at least I have one left at home that knows nothing of my "issues".... sweet little guy, I Love him.

57shelby, Gelgit, your comments really struck a note with me, thank you too.

g'night all....tomorrow is 8AF.

[gelgit]

Sad but hopeful

Aced another day...

Good for you! Life is soooo complicated. Forget about regrets, kids just know everything. They little noses have been keeping track of you for most of their lives. Your children will stand back and watch you for just a short time and then be so relieved to "have their dad back". Spouses are more complicated, sometimes for a million unknown reasons they'd rather have you still drinking, or not drinking but keep the same behavior. Or just too darn mad over the drinking years to get over it easily. Or so relieved that it might be over that they are afraid to believe it.

anyhow, you only have understanding and control over you own feelings and actions. So, the most important thing in all of this is that you are happy with yourself.... and to eat pine nuts at every meal:goodjob:

[Rusty-576]

Sad but hopeful

This day one for me I am scared and confused I never knew there was so many of us good luck

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad but hopeful

Anyone who has bought supplements through this site....good deal or not? and what would help with 6pm urges, liver aid, calming...ect?

[LVT25]

Sad but hopeful

ace--
I've been watching your posts awhile and I think you guys are doing great! It's nice to have someone join about the same time with the same interests, etc. I'm jealous that you are the cook in your family--I think it would be awesome if my hubby cooked for me most of the time....
Anyway, since everyone that knows everything about supplements must be busy right now...the kudzu is for cravings--i try to remember to take 2 late in the afternoon, also L-glutamine is for cravings. I'm still trying to learn the supp thing, it seems to be really hard for me to get them all in in one day, plus I'm a little nervous about all the combinations.
The book has info on the supps, also the holistic healing site is a good place to post a question. Keep up the good work.

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

Sad but hopeful

CRAVECRAVECRAVECRAVECRAVE....

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, you can't write stuff like that, it'll just reinforce it in your brain. Post what's going on in your head other than the CRAVE.

[Blueeyedgirl]

Sad but hopeful

It's only 3:30 here and I am already thinking I can't do this! WTF I have only gone 15 hours and I already feel weak & craving. I went out and bought L-glue & melatonin so I can sleep tonight. I WANT this why am I so weak? I am impressed you have 8 days as soon as you wake up. Keep going please....for all of us.

[greeneyes]

Sad but hopeful

Perfect, Noelle. Ace tell us about your 4 year old and how important it is to play with your child AF. How you can connect to your wife AF. Your teenage child, AF. Or we'll kick your arse. Just kidding. REDIRECT, honey! Keep on keeping on.

[lostandlonely]

Sad but hopeful

You sound like you are living my life, I have been the same way. Have faith I stopped and bought alcohol as well. Had everyintention of not drinking but that did not work. I am in the same boat you are. Good luck

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Sad but hopeful

I'm New As of Today

Hi,

What I wonderful web site to stumble on today. I have downloaded the MWO book and read it from cover to cover. I don't know when I've read a book so fast! :new:

I'm getting the topiramate, it's ordered already. I have most of the supplements on hand as I've tried the nutritional part before. I'll order the rest after this post and reading some others. I'll also order the CD's.

I wrote my son, 16, an apology note today and gave it to him after he returned from school. I fought with him (again) last night and had to ask my husband what happened. This note is different from others I've written. I told my son I was going to get healthy and would start by limiting my wine intake. I drink white wine. A lot of it. Every night until I black out. :upset: How I've wasted the past 30+ years (for the most part) is unbelieveable to me right now. It's so sad.

So many of these posts I can relate to. I share in so many thoughts, fears, insecuries and hope with so many of you. I had no idea. :h

I only hope I can help others on this forum at some point. No drinking today. Not even a desire. I now have hope which I have never had before. Thank you all so very, very much.

Ace, we can do this. Take care.

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

Sorry about the crave post but I am telling ya thats where I was...safe now and AF but old habits die hard...I don't expect this to be easy (did I ever?) It should be easier to NOT do something than to plan, buy, hide, sneak, lie, disappoint...but at least in the beginning of being AF its not....the 1st 48 hours were definitely the worst for me...I am starting to forget the feeling of being buzzed a little bit but at 6pm that crave just comes out of no where and busts me in the chops. One good thing though is all the mental energy it takes to hide something like drinking can now be spent on something else..I don't have to worry about someone finding out..thats really nice. I also respect myself a little more than I did yesterday and each day I am AF which makes it easier to maintain...baby steps...I don't trust this though and I now it can come back in one day if I slip.

[Palatia]

Sad but hopeful

It's better just to not dwell on AL... if you start to.. think about something else! Think about getting up in the morning.. think about that GREAT night's sleep tonight...

I drink a Daily Detox tea as my first cup of tea for the evening.. somehow that gives me the mindset that I'm clearing my body of all that AL crap... then I switch to some fruit teas... later.. I move to Tension Tamer tea... and wow does it... It really gets me relaxed and I want to just go to bed... lol..

Four... that's my fave age of kids... enjoy....

[Palatia]

Sad but hopeful

You are Not weak Blueeyed...!!!!! AL is just a horrible monster.. it rears it's head and swallows us up.. until we say... "Oh no you're not"... not today. One thing that helps me on tough days is, I think that there is plenty of AL out there if I really want some tomorrow.. but for today, I'm not biting. Guess what.. tomorrow I just start over again.. sometimes it's easier. But it always gets easier as time goes on. Those first few days are the toughest.

Blueeyedgirl;301792 wrote: It's only 3:30 here and I am already thinking I can't do this! WTF I have only gone 15 hours and I already feel weak & craving. I went out and bought L-glue & melatonin so I can sleep tonight. I WANT this why am I so weak? I am impressed you have 8 days as soon as you wake up. Keep going please....for all of us.