Sad but hopeful

[Turtle13]

Sad but hopeful

hopeful and not so sad, this time.

Sad and hopeful must mean alot to many people if I am clear on how this site works. Thanks for posting your story.
I feel hopeful this time around cutting back, and so positive I happened upon this site today. What great therapy!
Just a quick life story of my drinking: started drinking at 14,(long islands by 15), continued until my first child at 21-quit, started again, had another kid, quit, started again...6 years later another kid quit - started again. (My liver was probablly thinking "thank god for kids!!!) And here I am a mother of three absolutley wonderful boys and I find myself relying on Al (as I have seen posted) to get me thru the daily crap, the onset of age related pains and all the while adding to my depression, helplesness and hatred of myself for being controlled by something so addicting.
Anyway, I like to drink, I like the taste of beer and wine - but why can't I stop at just one or two, why the obsessive need to continue? Im at this point again in my life where I want to quit completely, but feel that my social life would diminish all together as my friends all drink. No-one wants to admit we have a problem, but I am tormented knowing that we do and that the worry will kill me before the booze.
I also go overboard occassionaly and lose it with the kids, or get too rowdy with them and accidently hurt them or myself. Usually myself, their pretty big now.
What got me here today is that I have come to the conclusion that in order to lose any weight and begin to feel healthy again, I will need to quit my daily alchohol consumption. So I have taken this step, also I printed a calander to mark my sucsessful and not so much, days- it feels like the right thing to do. Plus, my kids will see I am trying to do better, they worry about me too, Im sure.
One more thing, Is it possible to quit drinking all the time and "moderate" what you drink? Just have one or two? That is why I am here, that is why I feel as if I can do it. I saw this site and thought, yeah! I dont have to completly quit - Yet. It seems too scary!

I appreciate all of your struggles and efforts and look forward to chatting to others in the same boat. :thanks:

[happy4once]

Sad but hopeful

Sad but hopeful - I have been on this site since January (not religiously - but I every so often) and I have never seen such an overwhelming response to a first post. That should point you more to the hopeful side of things. What an awesome, inspiring, truthful, alot of us have been there, thread. Thank you & keep posting.


Turtle 13 -- please download the book and read it . It's a quick, inspiring read. Recommendation here is that you try AF for 30 days before moderating...the supplements and hypno CDs are a big help in getting the alcohol out of your system. I think many of us started getting too into al even after kids as a way to 'relieve stress and pain'. I've found, however, that I have less stress when I stop drinking. After the first week of cutting al out -- my 'chronic' back pain disappeared. I woke up one morning looked at my husband and sheepishly said, 'My back doesn't hurt anymore..do you think I maybe had a hangover in my back?? I'm so embarrassed." Anyway - congrats on your first step. Moderation is a very attractive option and an indivicual decision...I am at that point in my own journey where I am (can't quite say it out loud yet) deciding to just stop completely...I'm much happier. Good luck to you!

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

I feel like I am being tested...My wife has not been feeling well since Sunday (look back a few posts)...Last night at midnight she was in some fairly heavy abdominal pain...at 4am we went to the ER and this morning she had her appendix out..It had ruptured a little bit and they are worried about a septic infection..she's in recovery. I have been up since 4 am and running around taking care of my 4 year old, my business (poorly) and everything else. Finally home for a bit, tired and feel like I need a reward..know that feeling? It would be soo easy to buy rum tonight, have a couple of drinks and get to sleep early....I could be back on the wagon tomorrow and everything would be fine.

....not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent, not at this juncture (recognize that?)...jeez once you start this AF thing its hard to beat...surprised there isn't a site for non-drinkers trying to get into it...anyway...I will maintain my AF-ness at least into tomorrow my 10th DAY AF!

Hope my spouse heals fast....I feel bad for her...

[It's all good]

Sad but hopeful

Prayers are with your wife and you... Stay strong. You HAVE to. You are the sole caretaker of this young child of yours! Keep that in mind. They depend on us
Man, I read these post every day or two and I am there. I get it. I understand. BE STRONG... you CAN DO IT!!!

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Ace,

You hang in there my friend. You are doing exceptionaly well. You are my inspiration as I try to keep up.. I've had a few slips and I'm not doing as well as I want to. Every single day is a struggle, sometimes I win, sometimes I don't. The mind battles are a daily constant, I'm tired of fighting with myself all the time.. you know, get the beer, don't get the beer, you're an idiot if you get the beer, why am I getting the beer ? don't know.. but anyways, enough of that crap, I just wanted to congratulate you and I hope your wife is back on her feet soon.

Stay strong,

Riker

[auntiegriselda]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, I hope your wife will be OK. I'm so glad you are hanging in there. I've not been too good but will try to get back on track.
Thinking of you.....
Auntie

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Sad but hopeful

Ace, Hugs for your your family~ :getwell:
I have to say one thing... Man, if you put your mind to something, you get it, don't you? : :clapclap: :goodluck: You are a remarkable husband, father, and just an overall sweet person.

[voices]

Sad but hopeful

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It is kind of strange how when we think we "have it together" we are put through tests to see just how tough we are. Hang in there, Ace. You can do it!!!

-V

[Leanwolf]

Sad but hopeful

AceofBase and Auntigriselda - I think I relate to you the most. So I can only say - KEEP GOING and you WILL SUCCEED!
I bought and I am not an ad by the way, the whole thing. the hypnotic CD's, vitamins and got the Topamax from the doctors and yes, I do get the tingling in my fingers and toes like they are sleeping but was it AceofBase that said you gained weight? Yeah - bring the tingling on and the weight off!!!!
And the wine, yes, that is my drink of choice. By 7:30, 1 bottle would be gone and the hidden one would be touched at least. I don't have a hidden one - EVER. God I love the power I HAVE!!! My goal was moderate drinking and I haven't had more than, hmmmmmmm, 2 glasses, and thats on a social night! MY power, not the power it has over me. You can do this. I really think the tapes help me. I keep listening to them.
Good night all.
Do what the book says.

[gelgit]

Sad but hopeful

Good morning everyone... did I post here that all your voices are the NEW committee that chatters in my head instead of the beasty voices that used to play. I have stopped all cravings dead by just tuning in here and reading. Plus, a little habenero on everything I eat! All that you write about your own feelings, cravings, fears and doubts, balanced against the triumphs, happinesses and hopes are a real inspiration for me. GET REAL GIRL is the message I'm finally getting.:thanks:
See Ace, the energy that you were feeling from your wife was just her body being ill. I know she'll have a speedy recovery! You'll get through it ever so much easier without AL.
This is my first week and I am loving that healthy feeling!! Am I getting preachy
xx to all, g

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

Wife home from the hospital...she will be okay.....my wicked witching hour upon me..crave.
Day 11 AF tomorrow, I feel really tired and in need of the "break"....I am ready for the craving to pass....hi everyone.

[gelgit]

Sad but hopeful

Try my anti-crave habanero cure....wasabi should work also. It's such a surge, heat flush and heavy deep breathing that the craving feelings evaporate!!

[Noelle]

Sad but hopeful

LOL Gelgit.....that's a cool cure you've got going on there. Anything to take the mind off of the craving!

[aceofbase]

Sad but hopeful

sad but hopeful

I put "Dave's insanity sauce" on my dinner tonight....I should put some in my eyes and then I wouldn't be able to see my way clear to drink! I made it through tonight. Tomorrow is day 11. I will stop telling you guys how many days at 14 okay? I have a goal to get through 2 weeks...then we will see. I ordered the kudzu today and downloaded the book.

I also got my angel wings today. I have applied for and received angel flight status which means I am part of national network of pilots who own airplanes and donate their services to fly medical patients (and parts) to treatments/appointments/surgery. I look forward to my first flight. Welcome to Angel Flight Central

Hang tough...it is possible although I didn't think so 10 days ago.

gnight mates!

[Riker]

Sad but hopeful

Way to go Ace !

Congrats on your Angel Wings..

I'm very happy for you...You dug deep, you stayed the course, you flew through storms..

As Mike Oldfield would say:

Five Miles Out,
Just Hold Your Heading True.
Got To Get Your Finest Out.
You're Number 1, Anticipating You.

Lost In Static 18,
And The Storm Is Closing In Now.
Automatic 18!
(Got To Push Through!) Trapped In Living Hell!

Your A Prisoner Of The Dark Sky,
The Propeller Blades Are Still!
And The Evil Eye Of The Hurricane's
Coming In Now For The Kill.

Our Hope's With You,
Rider In The Blue.


You are a better man than I am my friend, you made it 10 days AF in a row...

Continue Flying Right..

Riker Out.