Hi,
You sound very similar to me in terms of the binge drinking, and in terms of your choice for wine.
Most of the time I can control my drinking, but if the WRONG circumstances present themselves, I can get so drunk that anything is possible. I have recently had my first baby, and that seems to have made a big difference, but I don't feel I am out of the woods yet. My situation is complicated further by the fact that my husband drinks beer heavily.
Here are some of the things I have learned over the years, for what it may be worth. You really do have to find other outlets for your down-time than drinking, even if it is just to know they exist. I have come from a family where drinking together is one of the only things that we do together. Some of us have faired better than others, based solely on how much alcohol we can tolerate. I have decided to remove myself from that environment, so I can stay in control. This has been sad for me to do because I love my family. It hasn't fixed everything, but it has given me time to think.
I have often wished that I could be the kind of drinker that has a few glasses of wine with a good meal, and then stops when i have had enough. If I give myself no alternative, but to be the responsible one in the group (duty driver, for example), I have found that I can manage.
I also have a job that has restricted the use of alcohol for extended periods, and with my will power issues, this has also been good for me. It has allowed me to think, and the thinking is what I feared the most. I am home on maternity leave currently, and the waves of memory about the things I have done while drinking have really shaken me. This also has been a very good process to go through, however painful.
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