Sorta day 3 because I started Day 1 with a drink. Need some optimism because the circumstances are a bit unusual at the moment and I am anxious when they go back to "normal".
Remembering I am on GMT +8 hours timezone:
Friday, woke up with a pounding headache and a raised temp. Assumed it was a hangover so did the usual and had a hair of the dog. Then another, then another.
Saturday, woke up with a pounding headache and a raised temp. Did the usual again, but ran out of wine after 1 and 1/2 wines. Where I live, in a high-rise in HK, to go shopping I have to either walk down a very steep hill to my local or grab a taxi to the nearest larger shop. It was pelting down with rain and there was a thunderstorm. I put off getting dressed because I was feeling so rotten and then the light went on - maybe this is my cue to stop altogether. So ... took a couple of paracetamol and took my supplements and found an easy book to read.
Spent all of Saturday alternating between feeling rotten and wishing I had some more alcohol to dull the pain and telling myself I only had to get through that day. Couldn't get to sleep that night so read in bed with the sleep tape going and did eventually drop off.
Sunday, woken up (with a pounding headache and a raised temperature) by a phonecall from my niece to say my 91 year old mum had had a Transient Ischaemic Attack - her second - and the prognosis is that she is likely to suffer a severe stroke within the next weeks or months. Still thunderstorms outside. Took my supplements but added a megadose of zinc to boost my immune system, got out my book and had a cup of tea whilst I thought about my mum and my reaction to the news. On the one hand, devastated, on the other relieved in a way that the end might be in sight for her (she has vascular dementia and has been very unhappy for a long time). But very sad for myself that I couldn't be there.
Surprisingly did not think of drinking to take away that pain, but throughout the day wished I could have some to take my own physical pain away. Suffered cravings but realised that it was my headache general physical unwellness I wanted to escape from more than anything else. Tried the paracetamol again, helped a bit but not much so decided to just suffer and try and distract myself.
Got through the day, again got to sleep late with the aid of the subliminal tape this time (I like the sound of the ocean and it reminded me of mum as they lived by the sea). This is actually the first sunup to sundown 24 hours without alcohol for me for as far back as I can remember.
Woke up this morning, headache slightly better but temperature still raised. Took my supplements. It is now an hour after I finished those last drinks on Saturday so I guess it is officially day 3. What will I do today? I am still feeling unwell, and thinking I should probably go to a doctor but I don't really have one here in HK. I am scared also, that if I leave the apartment and go near a shop I will buy alcohol.
I caught myself actually visualing buying wine next time I go near a supermarket. I could see where the wine counters are in every one of the shops I visit here. So I am thinking I need to visualise shopping and going passed those counters without stressing.
I really need to do the hypnotic tapes - still haven't tried them yet - but with persistent heavy head, I don't know if it is worth it.
The other thing is that I am really anxious that this is just a blip on the landscape, brought about by unusual circumstances.
I can't seem to convince myself that I should be jumping for joy to have achieved this abstainence - something I have longed for! I can't seem to see this as the beginning of a new life. It might be just coz I am feeling ill and sad, but I would like to know if any body else has gone through this and what they did.
Sorry if it sounds rude, but even though I know I will get lots of support here, I need some tools for myself to support myself if you know what I mean.
Remembering I am on GMT +8 hours timezone:
Friday, woke up with a pounding headache and a raised temp. Assumed it was a hangover so did the usual and had a hair of the dog. Then another, then another.
Saturday, woke up with a pounding headache and a raised temp. Did the usual again, but ran out of wine after 1 and 1/2 wines. Where I live, in a high-rise in HK, to go shopping I have to either walk down a very steep hill to my local or grab a taxi to the nearest larger shop. It was pelting down with rain and there was a thunderstorm. I put off getting dressed because I was feeling so rotten and then the light went on - maybe this is my cue to stop altogether. So ... took a couple of paracetamol and took my supplements and found an easy book to read.
Spent all of Saturday alternating between feeling rotten and wishing I had some more alcohol to dull the pain and telling myself I only had to get through that day. Couldn't get to sleep that night so read in bed with the sleep tape going and did eventually drop off.
Sunday, woken up (with a pounding headache and a raised temperature) by a phonecall from my niece to say my 91 year old mum had had a Transient Ischaemic Attack - her second - and the prognosis is that she is likely to suffer a severe stroke within the next weeks or months. Still thunderstorms outside. Took my supplements but added a megadose of zinc to boost my immune system, got out my book and had a cup of tea whilst I thought about my mum and my reaction to the news. On the one hand, devastated, on the other relieved in a way that the end might be in sight for her (she has vascular dementia and has been very unhappy for a long time). But very sad for myself that I couldn't be there.
Surprisingly did not think of drinking to take away that pain, but throughout the day wished I could have some to take my own physical pain away. Suffered cravings but realised that it was my headache general physical unwellness I wanted to escape from more than anything else. Tried the paracetamol again, helped a bit but not much so decided to just suffer and try and distract myself.
Got through the day, again got to sleep late with the aid of the subliminal tape this time (I like the sound of the ocean and it reminded me of mum as they lived by the sea). This is actually the first sunup to sundown 24 hours without alcohol for me for as far back as I can remember.
Woke up this morning, headache slightly better but temperature still raised. Took my supplements. It is now an hour after I finished those last drinks on Saturday so I guess it is officially day 3. What will I do today? I am still feeling unwell, and thinking I should probably go to a doctor but I don't really have one here in HK. I am scared also, that if I leave the apartment and go near a shop I will buy alcohol.
I caught myself actually visualing buying wine next time I go near a supermarket. I could see where the wine counters are in every one of the shops I visit here. So I am thinking I need to visualise shopping and going passed those counters without stressing.
I really need to do the hypnotic tapes - still haven't tried them yet - but with persistent heavy head, I don't know if it is worth it.
The other thing is that I am really anxious that this is just a blip on the landscape, brought about by unusual circumstances.
I can't seem to convince myself that I should be jumping for joy to have achieved this abstainence - something I have longed for! I can't seem to see this as the beginning of a new life. It might be just coz I am feeling ill and sad, but I would like to know if any body else has gone through this and what they did.
Sorry if it sounds rude, but even though I know I will get lots of support here, I need some tools for myself to support myself if you know what I mean.
Just misery................ I drank twice in that period convinced I was NOT a problem drinker. Finally had a day off work and cried all day and I think all night still not believing that I could do it! Then all of a sudden things just changed, from being a complete misery guts : I started feeling better and alot more positive... I really felt the supps started kicking in, I had more energy and hadn't felt so good in years.
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