This is going to be rough

[lostandlonely]

I just discovered this site today, as I am trying to quit drinking. I have been drinking nost of my life, and latey don't remember most of it. I get drunk pretty much everynight. It started as young girl being molested. Then it manifested into a severe eating disorder, and eventually drinking. The drinking wasn't that bad t first but then I started binge drinking right before dinner soI did not have to worry about what I was eating. It then became every weekend, then every night not I black out most of the time everynight. I now even started to drink during the day because I feel so hopeless. It does not help that my fiance is a heave drinker as well. I am tired of living in a fog, and trying reinvent myself, and learn to love myself. I know it will not be easy as the person who I love the most drinks as well. However I need to focus on me, PLEASE I need all the help I can get!!!!

[greeneyes]

This is going to be rough

Whew! You made a very admirable step. :welcome: There is a free offer that ends today to download RJ's book by pdf file. Look at the top of the page at health store. Look in the general discussion(stickey post) and see the anniversary or birthday post. To order it, you post "free' in the coupon box in the store. If you need help, I think they are PST and are still business hours. Get the book, go from there. Lots of people here to help you.

[Thankful]

This is going to be rough

lostandlonely, I understand what you are going through more than you'll ever know. My heart goes out to you.

The good thing is that you sound committed to change. And you have to take care of yourself right now. Does your fiance know that you want to quit? If not, please tell him. Even if he does not join you on this quest, maybe he can keep alcohol out of the house for a while.

You can do this. It's a hard journey but it's so worth the effort. I promise you. I feel better than I have in over 15 yrs. Alcohol is a depressant. You have to get rid of it to get happy and healthy. Today's the first day of the rest of your life.

Read a lot of the posts. Consider getting the supplements. They really do help. Ask any questions you want. There is someone on-line 24/7. We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[tlrgs]

This is going to be rough

hi there..lostandlonely..welcome this is a great place for sopport read alot and post any or all of your questions .and check out chat good luck and god bless

[optionsgirl]

This is going to be rough

Dear Lost and Lonely, :welcome:
Welcome, You'll find the support, friendship and inspiration from the wonderful people on this site. Be proud of yourself for taking the first step in journey. I have found people to talk with in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep. The chat room is a great place. You'll see this is a international problem. You'll make friends from all over the world.
Good Luck
Gail
:goodjob:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

This is going to be rough

Yes, by all means, download the free My Way Out book! I read the entire thing from cover to cover and it's made all the difference in the world for me. I wish you the best. I'm a wine lover, too. I love wine just too much, is all :-/

[owlet]

This is going to be rough

you're not alone

Dear Lostandlonely,
I'm also new to this site. You don't need to be lonely anymore. As I found out this morning when I started a thread, there are so many wonderful people here who will guide you. It's amazing to me how strangers are holding out their open arms for us. We're all here for the same reason, so please don't give up on yourself. You deserve to be happy and functional. Good luck on your new journey.
:welcome:
Owlet

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

This is going to be rough

Lost and Lonely...
What a brave post... thank you for sharing. Today, you feel lost and lonely, and that is understandably so. I don't know if this will make you feel better but.... Lost, there are SO many of us here that could have written your post. I know that's a sad statement about life, but unfortunately, cruel things happen to wonderful people.

I wish there was a magic eraser, where I could take away all of your pain. :l
Have you found a counselor to help cope with the molestation?

The first step you must take is the hardest step in the world, and it seems so simple on paper. You must learn to love yourself again. And Lost, that starts with learning to forgive that bastard. No, you don't have to verbally talk to that person, but somewhere deep in your soul, you have to look into your eyes and say,

"Honey. I love you. :flower:
What happened years ago was NOT my fault.
It is NOT a reflection on MY soul, but a reflection on the darkness that lives within HIS soul.
My job from this point forward is to take care of MY soul.
Once I take care of me, HE is no longer in charge of my happiness.
My destiny is mine.
I deserve to be happy". :sun:

I know I make it sound so simple. But once you've told yourself this a hundred times, there will be a time when you actually believe it. You'll start to notice the happiness that surrounds you today. And as you gain power over your soul, alcohol will also lose its control.

Much love, Lost and Lonely. You are in my prayers. ray:

With time, I hope that your name is changed to, Renewed with Hope...

[Palatia]

This is going to be rough

Ditto, ditto, ditto.. to the above.

I also had an eating disorder in my younger days... amazing I'm alive.. I also was molested as a child... those wounds run deep.. but guess what!>? We can recover and feel whole again...

One thing I wanted to say is... the person you should love more than anyone else is... YOU!!

:welcome:

[lostandlonely]

This is going to be rough

Thank-you

Thank-you to all the kind words to those who responded to my story. I write in tears, trying to medicate myself with alcohol as to not not feel the pain I am in. I am not sure what tears they are. I know they are tears of sadness, however I feel a sense of relief knowing I am not the only one struggling. I do not know what it even feels like to feel anymore, and cannot wait to feel that for the first time. My drinking and binging and purging consumes my life 24/7. All the nice e-mails, and knowing I am not alone gives me a glimps of hope. I have a plan with my doctor as my alcoholic realted symptoms have gotten quite bad. I am seeing a therapist as well. My shakes, nausea, tingling in the fingers and toes are terrible. If anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreaciate them.

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

[poohbear]

This is going to be rough

First of all just wanted to say welcome and congratulations on making this very courageous first step, you have come to the right place. Good luck on your journey to finding yourself. It is not an easy one but will be well worth it in the end. Stick around, post and read lots, there are many, many open arms willing to help you along.

hugs,

Pbear

[lillyatter]

This is going to be rough

LOST AND LONELY-YOU ARE NOT ALONE :HUGGY:

THANK YOU HAPPY HOUR-Not only did LAL need those words,but MANY OTHERS on this site hopefully read and let them soak in as well (that needed them)... :thanks:..)

LOST AND LONELY...(soon to be "FOUND AND SO MANY FRIENDS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH !"......
I too,was molested a lot during my young childhood..I AM SO SORRY,YOU DID NOT,REPEAT,DID NOT DESERVE IT!!!yOU WERE A CHILD,BABE-My mom and her boyfriend left me w/ an 18 yr old boy who verbally abused his mother,(un-be-knownst to them at the time,in her words,anyway)-robbed our house constantly-YET-babysat me ,and ( i will be stuck up here and say I was A CUTE 5&6 yr old ),took me to to parties w/ booze and MUCH WORSE..!)And we don't even need to talk about my mom's b-friend when they got home at night...Anyways,what I am trying to say to you, sweet girl- (who I hope is at least a BIT less lonely and LOST now that you have found all of us crazy kooks who ARE JUST LIKE YOU!!)),is that it CAN still be OKAY!!!!I am still working on getting better,but it get's better everyday BEING HERE!!!!!

What HAppy hour said....OMG...i am going to read it again because what great words of wisdom!!!Lte's not let ANYONE mess our live's up anymore than they have,you k now what i mean,LAL???NO MORE,NO F---ING WAY,OKAY!!!I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE:l......

HUGS...

[lookingforhope22]

This is going to be rough

Welcome lostandlonely,:welcome:
No you are definately not alone i know the feeling of wanting to numb my deeply buried pain all too well i have also be abused physcially, mentally and sexually and have used various substances to erase the deep felt pain for many many years!!!. I am really sorry to hear that you are suffering so badly but you have made the first step to start healing your wounds. Know that everyday you stay in that fog is another day wasted of you percious life - you are special, precious and unique and you deserve to love yourself.

I would like to write you an meditation i found helped me.
No matter what happened in the past, i now begin to allow the tiny child inside to blossom, and to know that it is deeply loved.
We are all beloved children of the universe, and yet there are dreadful thing happening to us, such as child abuse. It is said the 30 percent of our population has experienced child abuse. This is not something new. We are at a point right now where we are beginning to allow ourselves to be aware of things that we used to conceal behind walls of silence. These walls are starting to come down so that we can make changes. Awareness is the first step in making those changes. For those of us who had really difficult childhoods, our walls and armors are very thick and strong. Still, behind our walls, the little child in each one of us just wants to be noticed and loved and accepted exactly as is - not changed or made different.:l